Changing Tides
by mjp248
Summary: COMPLETE Naley,From Haley's POV. The couple is in love, but he moves away. After that her life is full of chaos and heartache, and surprisingly, things get worst when he comes back . . . see inside
1. Me

Chapter One: Me

"I can't believe you wore your hair like that today." My best friend Peyton said to me quietly as we stood outside t he school doors waiting for hem to be opened on the first day of grade twelve.

I leaned into her, not wanting to discus this once more and definitely not wanting others to hear her criticize me. "Like what? I've said a thousand times Peyt, it's just straight, it didn't _wear it_ any way different than normally." I smiled as a quiet girl with long dark hair passed by me and smiled at me. Leaning back into my own space again, I waited for Peyton's usual argument.

"But Hales, it's the first day, don't you want _Luke _to see you looking all gorgeous and stuff. You should have went all out!" She suddenly got all enthused about seeing everyone again, just as she did every first day of school. School wasn't anything important to her, she managed to skim by with okay grades, but her main reason for loving it was socializing. And of course, she went _all out._ Her curly blond hair reached her shoulders and her make up was perfect. Though this was what she called going all out, she actually did nothing, she was naturally beautiful which made the girls hate her and the guys love her. I watched as Luke, one of my closest friends, smiled at me from the front near the doors. Peyton always thought that him and I had something going on, but I didn't see him that way, and I was pretty sure he didn't see me that way either.

We stayed silent for a short time until I noticed the girl once again standing right in front now. The area around the doors was getting more and more crowded and occasionally I ended up elbowing someone in the robs, or being elbowed myself. We lived in a small town, and we knew everyone but when we went to twelfth grade, the students of the same age from a community outside of Tree Hill joined us since there were too few of them to maintain a school for. There were only about 10, probably less. And obviously, this girl was one of them.

I watched her as Peyton socialized with one of her closest friends which she hadn't seen in awhile, like a whole week. She squealed and called out to Kayla, throwing her arms around her neck with one leg kicked in the air. Soon she was by my side again, smiling brightly as guys passed by her and smiled. They never did this to me, why would they when their attention was always focused on the girl next to me. Peyton wasn't that bad, she was good at giving advice on guys, most of the time anyways. She had a boyfriend, since eighth grade, but she absolutely loved getting attention from the other guys, as if her ego wasn't big enough already.

"Who's that?" I asked nodding towards the girl once more. She was standing next to the door talking with some of her friends which had come to the school with her.

"Um..." Peyton thought for a second, flicking her golden hair back on her shoulders and biting her lip seductively. "Her name is Brooke. We used to hang out as kids." She finished then turned around to see if she could find anyone else in the crowd. She noticed me still watching Brooke. She looked so happy, smiling brightly as she fooled around with her friends. I envied her. "She's weird." Peyton said, obviously not liking me even thinking about making a new friend. "Don't bother."

And I left it at that. Peyton made it very clear that I was too good to be seen with Brooke. I didn't think this way, but, the only reason she thought this was because she'd have to be seen with me after. And she didn't want anyone asking her, "why is your friend with the weird chick?" _Her_ friend... I have a name you know.

I turned my attention back to Luke at the main entrance, then decided as Peyton met another one of her clang, to go and talk to him. He was standing with my brother David, talking about Hockey of course. Well, David was, he was huge on sports, but not a jock. He could probably play better then anyone on any team, but just decided not to. He said it was because he didn't want to be with those guys on the team. But I knew that the real reason was because we couldn't afford it, being on a sports team was an expensive priority. Lucas though? He wasn't much into sports. He was a writer, or he would be. And he was gorgeous, the blond hair blue eye type, the girls drooled over him. And even I could see why, but I never wanted him like they do, though I was flattered that he'd prefer to spend his time with me rather than them. He was my brother's friend, and my best friend, minus Peyton. When I reached them, Lucas smiled at me brightly.

"Hey buddy." He smiled his usual smile then leaned in and hugged me. My brother rolled his eyes at us then went back to talking Hockey with Nathan. Nathan Scott. He was my brother's friend too, his best friend to be exact. He spent weeks upon months at my house, living like a part of my family. And he was gorgeous. He had dark hair and the deepest eyes you can imagine. We spent a lot of time flirting around, and he's liked me for awhile. But he's not really my type. Why? Because my brother told me he wasn't, simple as that.

"Hey!" I smiled back as I returned his hug.

"Hey Haley." Nathan smiled widely at me. I sighed as I saw the look on my brother's face. He was warning me. I could never get involved with Nathan, not matter how much I secretly wanted to. Nathan was moving away, only for a little while, out with his mom, then he'd come back and finish school, when he went after school my brother would go with him, making a lot fo money on some oil rig. And if I fooled with that, I'd regret it.

"Hey..." I smiled back shyly. His eyes twinkled when he looked at me, and David must have noticed as he came over to me and dragged me away from his friends. My brother and I were close, very close, we shared everything, and the thing he shared with me the most - besides how I wasn't supposed to mess with "the plan"- was how much he hated Peyton.

"How you doing?" He asked as we got away from Nathan and Lucas.

"Alright, you?" I asked quietly.

"Good... stop looking at Nathan please." He asked sweetly as he noticed me glancing over his shoulder and watching Nathan from behind him, he was looking at me as well. I looked up at David who was looking at me with concern in his eyes. "Please don't mess with-"

"The plan." I finished for him. I stole one more glance at Nathan's smile then looked back at David, fighting away the pain this was causing me. "I get it Dave." I turned away and faded into the crowd, leaving Dave and the world I wanted - with Nathan - behind.

"Where were you?" Peyton asked when I finally returned to her side.

"I went to visit Luke and David... and Nathan." I hesitated to say his name, it was to stressful.

"Ohh... What Did Lucas say?" She asked with seductive tone to her voice.

"He said... Can you please let Peyton know that we're friends, just friends and we have no feelings for each other what so ever!" I smiled with sarcasm and the smile on her face faded.

"Did he really say that?" She asked dumbly. I just rolled my eyes and moved with the crowd as the doors finally opened.

_Bubble gum and house parties when you stole your parents rum _

_And tried to screw everything that could breathe _

_Back in high school we didn't have a whole lot to do _

_We watched the world go by on the television screen _

_Said it's the 90's kids that's way out this is way in _

_Go beat each other up on the dance floor _

_Told us drugs were no good _

_But then we smoked 'em and liked 'em _

_So much that we smoked a little more _

_We liked 'em so much, we smoked a little more _


	2. A Happy Home

Hello. I know I said that there'd be a bigger summary inside and then there wasn't, Im sorry. But I forgot when i posted the chapter. Um, so to introduce this, It's my fifth story and it's called Changing Tides, if you haven't noticed. lol. It's very AU, at least for the One Tree Hill characters it is. But for me? It isn't. This story begins with how my life started on my first day of grade 10 and I th ink it's safe to say that everything that happens here has definitely happened to me in some way. If something didn't, Ill let you know but I don't think that 'll be a problem. um, there is one small change. The best friend, Lucas, if my best friend as well, but. . . well... when it happens, his love interest, in this story, isn't in real life. Basically Lucas in thi s plays the role of my best friend AND another guy friend that I know.

Anyways, enough of my boring summary which I suck at... read... review... most importantly ENJOY!... okay that sounded slightly corny, lol.

Disclaimer: I Don't Own One Tree Hill...

Michelley P.

* * *

Chapter Two: A Happy Home

"Im home!" I called as I walked up over the front stairs of my house and entered the kitchen. I dropped my school registration on th e kitchen table then walked into the living room where my mom was sitting on the couch with the tv blaring. She hadn't even noticed me. "Im home." I said in a sad but stern voice she looked back at me and smiled quickly.

"Oh! Hi." She went back to watching a soap opera as if I hadn't even entered. I just sighed. My dad then walked over the stairs. And I turned to him.

"Picked my courses." I said, wishing they'd show a small glint of interest in any part of my life. My life had changed so much over the last couple years. I used to hang out with all my friends that I grew up with, but then Peyton happened to me. She grew up with them as well, but always felt as though she were too good to be seen with them, so when I was seen with her, I was too good as well. That wasn't all that changed. I used to get a long with my parents, I told them everything. But now I can't do anything right for them anymore. Nothing's good enough. Every time I think about this, I think about how lucky my sister Taylor was. My mother was only eighteen when she had her, and at this time for her it was wrong to have a child out of wedlock. So my aunt adopted her and let her escape into another country, far away from this place. She always said that she wished she could have been around for me. But I went from being Daddy's little girl, to the one wishing she had been adopted.

"Uh huh." He said, grabbing some random item from the table and trotting down over the stairs again. I just stood there, starting to get used to it, but it was still hurting me, only a little though. I was broke from my thoughts by my brother David stomping over the stairs. I had another brother too. I had two brothers and a sister. My other brother, the oldest, and most spoiled, was Michael. David and I were twin.

"Hey." He said as he came and stood next to me. I just smiled at him, and I guess he knew right away that today was like any other day with our parents. "Want to go see some of the guys?" He asked trying to cheer me up a little.

And it did. But I couldn't go. I had to go see Peyton. "Thanks. But I can't." Once again, he knew exactly what was up as he noted the disappointment in my voice.

"When are you going to stop hanging around with that bitch?" he asked. I didn't respond. I couldn't He just grabbed an apple from the basket on the table and walked out again. I walked into my room and shut the door behind me. The room was dark and hazy and the shades were still pulled down. I pulled on th em and let them go spinning around the rod on top. Th e sun poured in and outlined my tight walls. They were supposed to be green. Or yellow. I wasn't sure anymore. They were covered in pictures and poems, quotes, anything to make this room my space, not my parents. I glanced around. Was this who I was anymore? Was I a girl who loved the pink flower drawings, or my pink bed spread. Probably not. But Peyton loved them, she helped me pick them out. I was looking more towards the dark blue stuff, but she said I needed some more girl colors. Whatever that meant.

Soon I found myself staring into my computer screen, typing with madness pouring from my fingers. I loved to write, no one knew that though, except for Nathan. Speaking of...

"Hey." I turned to see him grinning at me. I could hear how nervous it made him to just be around me. But he knew the drill too. Was my voice caught in my throat? Honestly Haley, gosh.

"Hey." I whispered back, I bit my lip from the temptation I had just being in the same room as him.

"What are you writing today?" He asked as he grabbed the chair next to me and sat down.

"Just some stuff." I blushed as I turned my gaze back to my computer, wanting to make sure I didn't look straight at him, as if this was something dangerous. "Where's Anna?" I asked nervously. Anna. His girlfriend. Can you believe how terrible I am? Thriving off of some guy with a girlfriend. But he didn't love her or anything. At least he says he doesn't.

"I don't know. Cheating on me probably." He laughed and stretched his arms up as he yawned. I couldn't help but look.

"You have a new tattoo?"

"Yea." He put his arms down then lifted his shirt sleeve for me to see.

"Hello _Haley._" I didn't even have to look. I just rolled my eyes, I knew who it was by the way he said my name, always stressing it out. I turned to look back at my computer and minimized the screen so that he couldn't see it. Nathan must have heard me groan at the sound of Chris's voice, because he began to laugh out loud.

Chris made his way over and leaned against the wall. What the hell was he doing in my room? He shouldn't even know where that is.

"Hey... Chris." I gritted my teeth as is said his name. I really didn't like this guy. Nathan and Lucas had told me stories about him, about the things he says he's going to do to me. Honestly, it's disgusting. And David. He worried every time he saw me in the same room as Chris.

"Come on Nate, we're starting the game now." He said as he tossed a basketball in the air. But he didn't catch it. He dropped it on my keyboard. My computer went nuts as different programs kept popping up.

"Nice going genius." Nathan smirked. Chris blushed with embarrassment and rushed out of the room, taking his ball with him. "I'll see you later." Nathan smiled and got up, walking behind me to get out of the room. As he walked pass me he let his hand glide pass my back sending shivers up my spine.

"Bye." I managed to whisper.

"HALEY!" I heard my mother screaming from the kitchen. "Oh Hello Nathan." I could see Nathan nodding and smirking then walking away quietly. My parents loved him. I don't blame them. "HALEY!" She screamed again.

"WHAT?" I screamed back, a great deal of annoyance being shown in my voice, too much actually. I heard her stomp in and then she swung the door open.

"I need you to..." She stopped and stared around. "When did you put these things on your walls?" She asked as if it's the first time she was in my room in months. Wait, it was!

"Started a few months ago." I said, thank you for noticing by the way! "You need me to what?" I urged her to continue so she could leave as soon as she got done.

"Dishes. I need you to do the dishes. Im going out for awhile." She turned to walk away, not even glancing around, as if she had forgotten all about my walls. "And take that crap off your walls." She snapped. "And there's laundry in the washer that's needs to be finished. And your cat is hungry."

"Anything else?" I asked with sarcasm. She turned around and gave me a hard look as if to say, don't be snippy with me. But I didn't care, it was our nature to be snippy now. "Is there room in my busy schedule to get my own life?" I yelled after her. She didn't answer, I just heard the door slam and she was gone. I sighed and continued to write.

_Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby?  
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real  
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?  
Why'd you turn away?  
Here's what I have to say...  
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there  
Grinnin' with a lost stare,  
That's when I decided...  
Why should I care?  
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared  
I was so alone...  
Yeah, you need to listen!  
I'm startin' to trip, I'm losin' my grip  
And I'm in this thing alone..._

* * *

_Alrite, there ya go... can you please, pretty please.. review... please?? lol... thank you!_

_Michelley P._


	3. First Day In A Brand New World

Hey.. Thanks for the reviews, and remember.. the more reviews the more updates.. so people... please review.. please!!!!!!!!

* * *

Chapter Three: First Day Of A Brand New World

"Okay! Everyone settle down!" I heard the teacher yelling as I walked back into home room when the last class of the day finally ended. The classes were all what I like to call slack classes. Classes where you didn't need to do anything, you didn't have any finals in and you could still get great grades. My day was filled with them. And now as I fell into my seat in home room I wished I could stay there forever. I wasn't looking forward to spending another evening locked in my room so I didn't have to face the rejection of my parents.

Looking around the room I watched all the familiar faces around me. Behind me one of my close friends Theresa sat talking about sports, as always. The rest of the people here. I knew, but didn't get a long with. They didn't like me, because they didn't like Peyton and as far as they knew, I was exactly like her. I sighed as I looked at the back of the room to try and stop myself from thinking about how screwed up my life was becoming. I found some words at the back of the room though. That changed my life forever. Our English teacher, Ms. Fynn, had her other classes draw pictures that described who they were. The one I stared at, my eyes wide with excitement, was on the far right side. The colors were bright and cheerful and the black around the words made them seem some deep. _"Its okay to be angry and never let go, it only gets harder that you know..._"

"Wow..." I breathed, not realizing that I had said it aloud for everyone to hear.

"What?" Theresa asked. Some of the newer students in front of me turned to see what I was talking about as well.

"It's the theme song for my favorite show." I just stared at it, the words being so comforting at that moment. "Who drew it?" Theresa got up and walked over to it, turning the page up to read the name on the back.

"Cara..." I just stared at it. It was amazing.

"She must watch it too." I said as I kept looking at it.

"She does." I a voice said from behind me. I turned around to see that dark haired girl staring at me. Smiling. I just looked back at her. _She's weird_. I heard Peyton's voice telling me. If she knew anything about my favorite show_ Changing Tides_, she couldn't be too weird. " I got her into it." She grinned as if the lyrics and the show did the same for her as it did for me.

"Really?" I said in astonishment. I walked back to my seat and sat to face her. "You watch it too?" I said. Im sure I must have looked like some crazed idiot. But finding someone who you have something in common with. It's a great feeling.

"Yea." She smiled.

"Brooke Davis?" The teacher called as she checked the attendance. Brooke whipped around and smiled brightly.

She didn't say anything. Just lifted her hand into the air shyly. The teacher glanced over at her and nodded. I wanted to keep talking to her. But even with Peyton in a whole different classroom than me, I felt a certain obligation to show no interest in any other friendships but our, which was pretty much on the breaks anyways. I could slightly hear the teacher repeating s new, but I glanced out the door and saw Lucas sitting in the classroom across the hall from. He waved softly, then was interrupted by Bevin- who set the stereotype for blonds through the roof, she was truly blond, and she loved to show it- she waved frantically and blew a kiss across the hall in a silly way. This just made me laugh. I waved back then smiled at Lucas again. We were talking, even from across the hall, about our plans for after school, reading each other's lips. When I felt my heart pound. Outside in the hall, blocking me from seeing Lucas, who was now twisting in his seat to try and see around him, was Nathan. He was talking to Anna, his arm against her locker as she leaned close to his chest. I felt my whole body shake. Though I had no right to feel as if he were mine. He wasn't, he was her's. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. Her face was lit up, she really had strong feelings for him, she didn't love him, not like I did. But she really had feelings for him, who was I to mess with that? But his face? It was blank. I knew he must have had feelings for her as well, otherwise why would he be with her? But still, he leaned over her, and kissed her, before she walked into her class. And I just sat there in my seat, watching every second of it, feeling so off balance with their movements.

Before Nathan turned to walk back down the hall he must have caught me staring at him. He turned and just stared back. I felt my eyes filling with tears because of the way he looked at me. His eyes were so sad and I could see his body droop as he sighed, then shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and walked away. Before he got completely out of sight he looked back again, smirked and then disappeared.

* * *

"You okay?" Peyton asked in a really caring tone as we sat on the bus during the ride home. I was just staring out the bus window.

"Uh huh." I sighed.

"Hales?" She asked, knowing that there was something up. You think I was thinking about Nathan huh? Well, at first I was. Then t hat reminded me of how Peyton had no idea I had feelings for him. But that wasn't all she didn't know, which lead me to what I was then thinking of. She didn't know what my favorite music was. She didn't know t hat I'd rather the darker more serious colors rather than pop out pinks and yellows. She didn't know that I love to write. And also, she didn't like _Changing Tides_ , the show I loved!

"Yea?" I asked as I sat up and took my head off the window, finally snapping back into reality

"What's going on?" She asked. For the first time in a really long time, I actually heard concern in her voice. But that didn't mean I'd tell her, if I had to name everything that was going wrong for me today, we'd miss our stop.

"Nothing." I pretended a smile and she nodded hesitantly. We sat there in silence which made me a little nervous. But the tension was broken by the sound of her cell phone ringing. I leaned back against my window and this time stared into the driver's rear view mirror. I glanced back at everyone in the back seats of the bus. There weren't many people on our bus, and Peyton and I sat alone in the front while everyone else hung out in back. I saw Bevin, and the rest of my friends, as she waved to me and motioned for me to come and sit with them. I shook my head sadly. Peyton didn't like sitting with them, all of her life she had sat in front by herself refusing to associate with them, except for the times when she liked to hit on the ones she found hot.

"No, I hung up last time!" She was laughing when we almost got to my stop. "It's your turn to hang up first!" She giggled in a seductive tone. "I'll call you when my parents go to sleep tonight." She was talking to her boyfriend, Jake, who was in college, but she wasn't allowed to. Her parents were extremely strict ands he wasn't allowed to talk to him much, and they were also highly religious, not that you'd know it by looking at her. I rolled my eyes and looked back out my window.

"My stop!" I said happily as I pushed past her and rushed off the bus. When I stepped outside I felt as if I had stepped into a free land. I could talk to who ever I wanted, which included my brother.

"Hey." He said as he ran to catch up with me. I just smiled back and kept walking. "So I was wondering... you have to tutor tonight?" He asked casually. Still, I didn't speak, just kept walking and nodded. "And you get paid right?"

"Yes." I finally spoke.

"Well, I need some funds." I was planning on saving for college, so I could get out right after highschool, but with David, I never got a chance to keep any money.

"For?"

David just shrugged. " Stuff, I really need some... stuff."

"Please don't spend my money on drugs." I said in a sharp yet tired tone which signaled to him that I had given up all my fights to keep money.

"I won't. I swear." He smiled and ran ahead to catch up with our friend. He must think Im stupid. I just walked along slowly. I didn't really want to go home.

_I know she loves you and I can't interfere  
So I'll just have to sit back and watch my world disappear  
Whoa _

I try to help you out through  
the hardest of times  
Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind  
Though it looks as if it's over  
I'm still not over you  
Oh, I'm still not over you

'Cause I still love you like I did before  
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do  
Whoa  
'Cause I will never ever walk away  
I'll find a way  
She could never love you like I do  
If only she knew

* * *

There you go.. PLEASE! REVIEW!!! PLEASSEEEE!... lol.. Thanks...

Michelley P.


	4. Everybody's Changing

Hello.. its been awhile huh? lol.. sorry.. swamped... thank you for the reviews. The song for this one is.. Everybody's Changing by Keane. Yup. And Yes Steph... you're in this one! lol...so I hope you like it... this one happened... Mine and Britt's "history class" thing is there.. so this one is partly for you Brittany:)...

Enjoy!

Michelley P.

* * *

Chapter Four: Everybody's Changing.

"Haley..." I heard a voice say to me as I sat in history class, staring off in the distance. I had a bad night the night before. It was Peyton. Her and I never got in big arguments, except for her usual harassment about me not being good enough, we got along pretty well. Until last night. We were talking on the phone as usual, and before I knew it we were in a heated argument. About me. I was too clingy, or something. I get too jealous over her and her boyfriend. I had no idea how this started, but before I knew it the line was dead and tears were streaming down my face, her angry voice echoing in my ears. "Wake up!" The voice laughed. I wiped a few stranded tears from my eyes and smiled at Bevin.

I hadn't even realized that she had moved her desk over next to mine. But there she was, sitting happily next to me. I looked up at her and smiled, but she must have seen through it all because her usual smile faded and she leaned in worriedly. "Hales... what's-"

"Okay listen up!" Mr Allen said lowly. He never yelled at us. H e was a new teacher at this school and we could already tell he'd be a push over. "Skills Taylor... if that's what they call you, you can be in Lucas and ... Mouth... is there a_ Mouth_ here?" Mouth nodded and I could tell that Mr. Allen would have an amusing time getting to know everyone's nicknames. "Okay. _Skills_, you can be in Lucas and _Mouth's_ group." He rolled his eyes and laughed, then looked back to his paper. "Brooke Davis, you'll be in Bevin and... Haley's group." He looked up and smiled at Brooke and she smiled shyly back. Brooke moved her desk next to mine and smiled. I just smiled back, and took a deep breath as once again mine and Peyton's argument flashed through my head.

"Hello..." I said to Brooke politely. She smiled back at me, her smile bright and happy, just like she always appeared.

"Hey!" She said in a high pitched voice.

"You're in my English class right?" I asked, trying to start a conversation. Little did I know how stupid I was about to appear.

"Yup... and French, and...any others?" She asked as she pulled out a notebook, covered in amazing sketches.

"Are you in my Canadian His..." I blushed immediately, then we all bursted out in laughter.

"History?" She asked through her laugh. I nodded and laughed again.

"God Haley!" Bevin laughed. "I wonder if she's in your history class? Considering that's where you are!" Bevin laughed.

"Okay! Not that big of a deal, I was kind of zoned out..." I laughed and then looked down at the assignment in front of me. _What a great first impression._ I thought.

* * *

I was standing by my locker, waiting to go inside the class during lunch break. I was talking Bevin. I had been talking to her more and more lately. We used to be best friends, but that changed when Peyton came along. Now I realized I had misses Bevin. Bevin scooted away to ger her books from her locker which was a little ways down the hall. I had been avoiding Peyton all day. Claiming to be cold in biology so I could sit in front, away from her. But now I could see that I wasn't going to be able to avoid her much longer. I glanced down the hall and saw her darting toward me, her face twisted in hate and soon she was in my face, pushing me against the lockers.

I hit the lockers with a big thud and my books fell to the floor, causing everyone standing around me to stop talking and stare.

"What's wrong with you today?" Peyton snapped, flicking her hair back on her shoulders.

I raised one eyebrow and couldn't help but laugh. She always needed her attention didn't she? "Um, nothing." I laughed then looked over at Bevin who was laughing with me, thinking about her motives to get attention as well.

"What's your problem!" She screamed. She was really causing a scene now. And I wasn't laughing now, as my cheeks filled pink with embarrassment. "You always do this! Whenever you hear me talking to my boyfriend, you get all cranky and stupid! And whenever I even talk to another person you get like that!" She screamed again. I could feel my eyes burning with tears as she stood so close to me I could feel her breath on my face.

"I do not!" I yelled back, my voice getting shaky. She stepped towards me as the tears finally fell. I glanced around and saw everyone watching us, and I numbly slipped away from her, letting my wobbly legs carry me to the bath room, slamming the stall door behind me. I wasn't sure why I had gotten so worked up, just everything building up I guess. I wanted to be the person I used to be. The girl who went out with her friends, who was known for being so cheerful and happy all the time. Who was happy all the time. Who was daddy's little girl, and who got along great with her parents.

* * *

As I sat there, my knees against my chest, I wondered why I had fallen so far from myself. Why had I had such a falling out with my friends? Peyton. Of course. I got so wrapped up in the world I thought I loved, the one she provided, I didn't see that it was someone else's world, not my own. I didn't want to go to church with her, I didn't want to try to be the perfect person I felt I was expected to be. And my parents? I never really knew why I had become enemies with them. But the quiet time alone gave me an idea. It was David. My parents always treated him like he was less then us. Sometimes it was probably his own fault. He was so wild and carefree and it scared them so much that they were harder on him. Since I was so close to him, I found myself protecting him and taking care of him in ways they wouldn't. And this was terrible to them, and that's when it got bad.

"Haley?" A quiet voice said. I recognized this voice. One I hadn't heard in so long, even though it's been so close. Faith. I couldn't believe she was there. Before I was best friends with Peyton, I was best friends with Faith. She was amazing, and everything was great, it was probably one of the happiest times of my life, then I threw it away for a new one. I opened the stall door quietly and peaked outside, to see her standing there with Bevin. Her eyes widened as she saw the tears on my cheeks. This would be a shock for anyone, to see me cry. I had been known for my cheeriness, for being so happy all the time, with a smile plastered on my face. But that wasn't me, and I was tired of hiding it. She ran over to me and hugged me tightly. As she did I couldn't find the strength to hug her back, I just kept thinking back to the life I used to had, the one where I was best friends with Faith, and I had met Nathan at my brother's party.

"Come on sweety..." Bevin smiled. And we walked back to my class, Faith went to her own, and Bevin and I went into our English class. "Im going to kick her ass." Bevin said in a defiant tone as we sat in our seats.

"Choice of words!" Ms. Fynn said harshly, giving us a serious look.

"Im going to kick her butt." Bevin said in a funny tone, making me laugh out loud.

"Get into groups please!" The teacher instructed. I glanced over at the other side of the room where Brooke sat, by herself. And as Bevin moved her seat next to mine, I smiled at Bevin and encouraged her to come over with us. Shyly, she did.

"Hales..." Bevin sighed, she smiled at Brooke, wondering if she could talk around her, and for some reason, no matter what she said, I felt as if she could, like I could trust Brooke. "Im tired of seeing you like this." She said sadly. " I want you to leave Peyton, come back with us." She smiled, laughing as she did. No matter how serious the subject was, Bevin had to be laughing, she was just like, at least, the person I used to be.

"I can't..." I sighed.

"Well, we're having a party Saturday night, a huge fire on the field behind your uncle's house. And you're coming." She smiled making a serious face after and pointing a finger at me, only to bust out laughing again.

"Oh.. Bevin I..."

"Don't worry, you don't have to drink.. Or smoke, or anything. And you can still go to church the next morning!" She laughed.

"Okay..." I said worriedly, I glanced at Brooke who was sketching a picture on her book, one that was drawn on Changing Tides. "I love that picture." I say to her, " What' your favorite episode?" She shrugged and smiled.

"Im not sure... yours?" She asked quietly.

"With Arms Outstretched." I said confidently. I smiled and started talking about the episode.

"Oh God!" Bevin said as she picked up her books and began to leave. To Brooke she said, "You've got her talking about that show! Im going to go sit with Mel!" She laughed and walked away.

"Talking about it again?" I heard Mel say. Bevin just laughed, as did everyone else.

"It's good to finally meet someone I can talk about this with." She said honestly.

"I know..." I smiled bright. And it wasn't long til I started to see someone coming back, recognize them. This familiar face was finally falling into my memory once more. Me. The real one. I felt like that cheery bubbly person I used to be. I felt like I could breathe.

* * *

On the bus ride home, Peyton and I didn't sit together. I still sat in the front, like I had no other choice, but I sat in the seat across from her, she'd occasionally give me hard looks, then turn straight ahead again. I swear to God, if she shot looks and turned her head any faster, she would get whip lash.

"Haley!" I heard Faith's voice from the back of the bus. I turned and looked back, it seemed like miles away. I didn't answer her call, just smiled. "Come here for a second!" She smiled.

I walked back where Faith was sitting with her boyfriend, my cousin, Tyrone. Bevin moved in for my to sit next to her, and I did. "Sit with us!" Bevin said as she reached out and hugged me. I laughed with her. But contemplated going back in front. Tyrone could see it, as I began to stand up, "Sit your ass down, you're staying with us!" He smiled. I had never gotten along with him, especially not since he started going out with my best friend. But now, I saw something in him I didn't see before, I must have looked it over, because I was too good to look before.

"Is that HALEY?" I heard Luke's voice say. "Sitting with US? Wow, we're privileged!" He laughed. A few of the other guys laughed too. I shot them a look and they stopped.

"You coming up Saturday?" I heard a voice ask. My heart raced, my body ached, and my head spun around to look him in the eye. "I think you should." Nathan smiled.

"I am!" I said quickly. I actually hadn't planned on going, but now I had to.

"Wow, Haley's going?" I heard another voice say. I rolled my eyes, sometimes I wanted to kill Chris, not sometimes.. I just generally wanted to.

_You say you wonder your own land  
But when I think about it I don't see how you can  
You're aching, you're breaking  
And I can see the pain in your eyes  
'cause everybody's changing  
And I do not know why. _

So little time  
Try to understand that I'm  
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game  
I try to stay awake and remember my name  
But everybody's changing  
And I do not feel the same.

You're gone from here  
Soon you will disappear  
Fading into beautiful light  
cause everybody's changing  
And I do not feel right.

So little time  
Try to understand that I'm  
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game  
I try to stay awake and remember my name  
But everybody's changing  
And I do not feel the same.

* * *

There ya go!! love it? hate it? let me know!! lol... review please and thank you!

Michelley P.


	5. Meant It

* * *

Chapter Five: Meant It

The party was already started when Faith and I got there. The fire was blazing and there was music coming from the far end of the field. It was a perfect place for a fire, a big open space, with walls of tall trees surrounding it. No one would find us, but around here, they didn't care anyways.

Faith wasn't much of a party girl either. I used to be, but I gave it up. Yet again, I blame Peyton, though I probably shouldn't, I should blame myself. We walked to the crowd nervously, they were all bunched together around the fire, drinking and laughing. In the distance I could see random people, passed out or making out in the trees. Others were stumbling around, screaming things that made the crowd burst in laughter. But they all stopped laughing when they saw me. Some gave me an evil eye, which was my own. I had abandoned these people, I left them and they resent me for it. I smiled nervously, waiting for someone to say something. Faith had left my side, she spotted Tyrone, and then they disappeared, God knows where. So I stood there, everyone staring at me like I was a mysterious beast. I swallowed hard, then finally, people forgot I was there, they smiled and turned back to their alcoholic beverages.

"Hey." I heard David say as he stepped in next to me. He stared straight ahead, admiring this party he had gotten together. He smiled down at me. I could tell he was glad to see me get out around again. I wasn't sure if I was though. "Beer?" He asked, holding one out to me. I stared at it, as if it were the plague or something. I didn't want one. I don't drink or anything. And I didn't want to start now. I got nervous as I noticed everyone watching me again, hoping Id take the beer. So I did, I took it and took a very small taste. From the far end of the field I could see a guy who hung out with Peyton a lot, staring at me like he couldn't wait to tell all of my friends about it.

I wasn't really enjoying. I wasn't enjoying having to help people who had passed out, off the ground, and keep them awake. I occasionally took a swig of my beer, and even more frequently poured it out on the ground when no one was looking. When it was finally empty, I threw the bottle away, thinking I had t hat part over with, but I didn't.

"Hey." I heard a voice say at my side. I turned and began to smile brightly.

"Hey..." I said sadly. I looked over at Nathan's side and smiled at Anna, she was attached to his hip, smiling brightly. I couldn't blame her, Id be smiling too. "Hey Anna..." I said in a low, stressed voice. She smiled then stood on her tippy toes to kiss Nathan. I thought that my heart was going to jump out of my throat, and I could feel tears welling in my eyes. I smiled again, then turned my back and began to walk away. I noticed David join my long strides to the other side of the field, then stop me when Nathan was out of sight.

"You like him don't you?" He asked. I didn't cry, I had become so good at holding it over the years, I could easily do it now, though it did get harder each time I saw Nathan and Anna together.

"NO!" I said angrily. David sighed stressfully, then handed me his cup, as if he knew that I needed a drink. I took a long hard mouthful, swallowing it quickly, tossing the cup off to the side and grabbed a beer from the beer pile. David's eyes were wide and he grinned.

"Good..." He said. "Don't go at it."

"At what?" I asked as the beer I was now chugging started to get to me.

"Don't get involved with Nathan." He finished. Then walked away. I stood there and stared at my beer. I looked over at Nathan, who kissed Anna again. Then Anna disappeared into the trees, probably going home. I walked over and found Bevin, she was sitting on some guy's lap, laughing as he flirted desperately with her. Bevin loved to flirt, but she never got serious with anyone, not anymore. Some people thought she was a slut, I thought... she's happy.

"Hey buddy!" Lucas smiled as he walked up and put his arm around my shoulder.

"Hey!" I smiled. I leaned into his shoulder and sighed.

"Dave says that you said that you don't like Nathan." He said as he took a drink from his cup.

"Uh huh.. I don't." I said, I looked over at Nathan again, sitting by himself on an old couch that was by the fire. He was leaning in on his hands. I swear, I could almost hear him sigh. He looked so lost and sad, as he met my gaze and I turned quickly.

"That's too bad." Lucas said with a serious tone. I looked up at him with a questioning look. "He's crazy about you." My eyes widened, then I stared at the ground sadly.

"He has a girlfriend, Luke." I said.

"So... she's not you." He kissed the top of my head then walked away. I noticed that David must have heard what he said, because he started telling him off, asking him what the hell he was thinking, playing with my head... or something. But all I really heard was when Lucas said '_it's the truth.'_ and David said, _' I know, but still.'_

I felt weak as I fell to the ground. I closed my eyes and moaned after hitting my head on the hard ground. "Ow..." I groaned.

"I think you're drunk." A husky voice said from above me. I looked up to see Chris standing over.

"I think I am too..." I laughed.

"You're a cheap drunk." He laughed. I just nodded. He sat down next to me and smiled. "Im staying at your house tonight, we can have our own party, if you want." He grinned.

_Oh God..._ I thought. I stood up and rolled my eyes, then walked away.

I sat on an old beat up bench, my head hung low as I patiently waited to become a slight bit sober again. I laughed to myself, wondering how I could have turned out like this. I was a senior. I was graduating, I should have been happy. Or at least, Haley should have. Because frankly, at this point, I had no idea who she was. It was like I had been sleeping for the past few years, missing out on the big parts of my life that defined who I was. And now, just like skipping important chapters in an already confusing novel, I had no idea what was going on.

The spinning in my head was finally slowing down, and I could finally feel my feet against the ground. I stood up and looked around. The party had died down a little, and I had barely noticed. I walked around a little, noticing people. David was sitting down, almost passed out as well, but still fully content with the joint in his hand. _The joint my money paid for_. I thought to myself.

When I walked over to where I saw Faith, half asleep as well, I almost tripped over a tough body on the ground. I looked down to see Chris, his eyes were rolling back in his head, but still he had that evil grin. I stood over him, half attempted to spit on him, then stepped over him.

"Faith, sweety, we need to go." I whispered, shaking her. She looked up and smiled brightly.

"Haaalleey..." She squealed in a childish tone. She stood up and wrapped her arms around me next, almost pulled me to the ground as she swayed around. "I love you Haley! You're my bestest bestest friend ever!" She squealed again.

"That's great, love you too... just remind me to never let you drink again." I laughed. I lead her through the path and down the hill, where I finally got to the road. Here in Tree Hill, the roads all had houses next to them. Houses filled with nosey people, and on this side of town, they'd love to see us get in trouble. "Okay, Faith, I need you to be really quiet okay?"

She gave me a questioning look as she pushed her dark hair out of her eyes. "Quiet like what?" She asked, laughing as she did so. I raised one eyebrow at her. "Well.. What animal is quiet?" She tried again.

"Animal?" I asked, not seeing the importance of this. "I don't know... a mouse..." I said.

She laughed then ran in front of me yelling, "Well! I can be a mouse!" She started tip toeing and making chirping noises, she looked so happy in that moment, that I couldn't help but let her happiness rub off on me.

"A bird chirps, Faith, not a mouse!" I laughed, then ran up next to her. "It's a good thing you're staying at my house tonight, your parents'll be pissed." I laughed. She threw her arm over my shoulders again and whispered.

"Will your parents get angry?"

"They won't even know we're there..." I sighed.

* * *

"Still not sleeping huh?" A voice sad as I sat to my computer, typing hysterically. I glanced over at Faith who was sleeping soundly on my bed. Then shook my head.

"Tried, but couldn't." I replied. Nathan came in and sat next to me. I tried to keep my eyes on my computer, btu became nervous as I realized he was staring right at me. "What?" I laughed as I looked at him.

"Nothing." He smiled. "We broke up, Anna and I..." He whispered. I was surprised. For a guy who claimed to had never really loved her, he sure had a lot of sadness in his voice.

"Im sorry, that's terrible." I said flatly. No it wasn't. It was great. Secretly, my heart was pounding uncontrollably, and nothing would ever be able to make this happiness stop.

"Im leaving tomorrow." He spoke softly. I didn't reply, just stared off. It wasn't that big of a deal, he'd be gone for a couple months, he would come back, and the world would start turning again. I nodded and continued to type. I was going to miss him though. Miss times like these, where he sat so close to me, almost breathing down my neck, and I couldn't make a move at all. I'd miss this temptation that I was sure Id never find anywhere else.

"You know, Hales." Nathan smiled as he leaned back in the chair, yawned and stretched. "Im really going to miss you..." He smiled sadly.

"Me too." I finally admitted. He leaned in and looked at me.

"Hug?" He asked smiling. "In case you're not up before I leave." I leaned in to his extended arms. I wondered if he could feel my heart beating through my chest. I could smell his cologne, mixed with the even stronger smell of alcohol. But still, it smelled gentle and sweet. That was ruined for me now. Anytime I ever smelled that cologne, or the smell of alcohol passed my nose, my thoughts would automatically jump back to him, hugging my so tightly int his moment, before he left.

"Hey... It's not like you're leaving for good!" I laughed as I leaned out of his hug, attempting to hold back the shuddering tears in my eyes.

He looked at me in disbelief, and I wasn't sure why. "Haley..." He said, shaking his head, "Im going to live out there now, with my brother. Im pretty sure Im not coming back. I mean, I could, if I don't like it, but I doubt it." He said. His eyes were wide, like he couldn't believe that I didn't know. "Dave didn't tell you, did he?" He sighed.

I just shook my head, then pulled him in for another long hug, finally letting the tears come out.

"I love you..." He smiled and whispered, as he kissed the top of my head and walked out the door. I sat there, speechless. He loved me. Had he meant it that way? Probably not. He probably meant it in a friendly way. But, tonight, for once in my life, on this night in this very moment, I wanted to live with the happy feeling I got when I thought that he meant it in a bigger way. The way I would have meant it, If I had gotten the courage to say it back.

_Softly we tremble tonight,  
picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in site,  
I said I'd never leave you'll never change  
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life. _

Am I supposed to be happy?  
When all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.  
Am I supposed to be happy?  
When all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.  
You said, you said that you would die for me….

We made plans to grow old,  
believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told.  
Lost in a simple game cat and mouse are we the same people as before this came to light?

Am I supposed to be happy?  
when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.  
Am I supposed to be happy?  
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.  
You said, you said that you would die for me…

You must live for me too'...  
For me too...yeah, yeah…  
You said that you would die for me…

Am I supposed to be happy?  
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.  
Am I supposed to be happy?  
when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price You said, you said that you would die for me...

* * *

Review.. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty please please please... lol... thank you...

Michelley P.


	6. What Would You Think Of Me Now

Hey, sorry but this one isn't very long... Im going out of town now... but I wanted to get an update in before I went... so tis not very eventful... but here it is...

Michelley P.

* * *

Chapter Six: What Would You Think Of Me Now?

It never really hit me until the next morning. It was a Sunday, and I can remember it as if it were just the past Sunday. I woke up, Faith was gone, she had to work. And I was going to work as well I had been working at a local café since tenth grade. I wondered how she felt that morning, getting up to work, she must have been pretty sick considering this was her first time being so... indisposed. I was in a really good mood, thinking about Nathan's words the night before. I remember walking- rather skipping- down the stairs where Nathan usually slept on a mattress in David's room. I walked on past the bedroom door, and out into the laundry room, pulling on my blue sweater.

As I dodged back into the hall, I pushed open the door to David's room slowly, biting my lip as I prepared to see Nathan sleeping soundly, as usual. I could see David, mouth g aped open as he slept. And Nathan's bed was there. The blankets were neatly fixed back on the bed as if he had never slept there. Since I made my brother's bed and cleaned his room, Nathan always made the attempt to do his share before leaving, so I wouldn't have to. I tip toed in and looked down at the bed, and that was when it hit me.

I stared down at the abandoned bed, taking a deep breath. To my surprise I didn't cry. I felt like throughout my life I had shed so many tears that, I had none left. I let out my breath and shuddered as I did so.

"He's gone huh?" A voice said from behind me. Michael leaned against the doorway staring in with me. He smirked and then laughed out loud. "Going to cry or what?" He smiled then walked up the stairs.

He was already gone when I whispered, "No..." I sighed a heavy sigh and walked up stairs as well, slowly getting ready for work. That day, I didn't cry once, not once! But my whole body was numb, and the only sounds I could hear as I shuffled around the crowded café, were _"Im not coming back"_.

And then he said he loved me. It must have been in a friend way. Because if I had a choice, If I could stay near someone I loved, or move to the other side of the country, I'd stay. I mean, Isn't that what it's all about. As selfish as it may sound, all I could think about was the fact that he made this decision, he wanted to leave, being here with me, wasn't as important.

* * *

I was dead for awhile. It was like, I couldn't breathe, but then, I'd laugh at myself. Just because he lived on the other side of the country, didn't make me love him less. He was going to be working at high paying job, and he could come home anytime he wanted. It may have been the end to this world, but it was certainly the beginning to another. In school the next day, everything was different. It was as though I was seeing everything in a new light. I saw Anna, she sat by her locker, crying as one of her friends wrapped her arms around her shoulders. I smiled at her as I walked by. She did love him, I could see it in each one of her tears. And I couldn't hold that against her, because if I did, then she could hold it against me as well.

Peyton was different too. When I walked into school, I saw her there. She hadn't ridden the bus that morning. And I saw her there, standing by her locker, and she smiled. It was like everyone was looking at me as if he had died. He was just moved away, there was still a chance. And nothing was certain, I kept telling myself this. He said he may not like it, that he'd come home in a couple months if he didn't. But secretly, as everyone assured me of this, I knew he wouldn't. Peyton took long strides down the hall, and extended her arms to me. When she reached me, she pulled me into her, stroking my hair like I had just suffered a terrible break up.

"Im sorry, for the way I've been." She whispered. I could hear her voice choke up and I pulled back to see that she was crying softly.

"Me too..." I smiled. We just stood there for a second, and for that small wrinkle of time, I remembered why I had became friends with her. The bell for class rang, and we separated. I went to history class and she went to gym class.

"Have a good time the other night?" Bevin grinning a huge grin as she hooked arms with me. I glanced back at Peyton who almost had a hurt look on her face, then hung her head and walked along. I smiled back at Bevin and just nodded. "Let me walk you to history." She smiled.

I sat quietly into my seat in history, and I could still feel people staring. Had I been so blind for all these years? I never knew that any of them knew how I felt about Nathan, but, now that he was actually gone it was like I had the biggest support system any girl could ask for.

"Hey buddy..." Lucas whispered from behind me. I turned in my seat and smiled at him. "How are you?" He smiled a sympathetic smile.

I rolled my eyes and laughed at him. "Im FINE!" I laughed then slightly punched him in the arm. "Im FINE!" I said again, this time looking around at everyone who was looking at me. They turned around, as if I had finally reassured them, and got no with their lives, leaving me to get on with mine.

"Groups!" The teacher yelled in his geeky voice. I glanced around, saw Bevin pairing up, Luke looked back at Skills and... I, was alone. Or at first I was. I wasn't sure what to do at this point, everyone had been paired up and I felt like a loner, sitting in front without a partner. I wondered if this was how I had made others feel, on the days when I was with Peyton and treated others like... this. I looked around once more, and was getting ready to smile, when at the back of the room, I saw Brooke.

She was smiling up at me, and gave a small wave for me to come back. I smiled back, then lifted my seat to pull it next to her's. We spent the rest of that class, talking about Changing Tides, and laughing. Our conversations about this show had become so frequent, that people were beginning to get sick of us, they'd roll their eyes and try their best to block us out. We loved it.

* * *

"Still want to go to french? Change over? If you do, we have to go to it this period." Peyton said. All out of breath as she spoke to me. She was leaning against my locker as I jammed my books into the mess I had already created.

"Yea, I guess." I said, following her down the hall. We entered the classroom and I saw so many familiar faces. The same people we had been in french with all the years before, except for one. There was Brooke, sitting against the wall, scribbling. She looked bored and lonely except for the guy behind her.

"Hey! I smiled as I sat across from her. Peyton sat behind me, and gave me a nudge for me to talk to her instead. So I did. I turned and talked to her, but I couldn't help but sneak a few good laughs with Brooke as well. We were half way through the class, and I was turned to talk to Brooke once more, when Peyton finally spoke up. When I looked back at her, she looked lonely, and for that second I felt bad and almost responsible. Then, I thought of all the times she had ditched me for other people, and I didn't even ditch her now, I was simply talking to someone else.

"I changed my mind! Im dropping this class again!" Peyton sighed as she grabbed her books and walked out the door. I could see people around the class rolling their eyes, and the teacher did as well, he stopped teaching and waited for her to finally leave. She stood in the doorway and looked around. Then, raising her eyebrows at me, as I was still laughing with Brooke, she let out a sharp breath. "Haley. Come on..." She whined. I looked around and I could see that the teacher was getting impatient. But mostly I looked at Brooke, who was sitting there, annoyed by the guy behind her, and mostly, lonely. I sighed and I wasn't sure what to do, until Brooke looked over at me.

"Don't leave me..." She whispered. She gave me a small smile, then I smiled back and nodded.

"Im going to stay." I said with confidence to Peyton.

"Whatever." Peyton moaned as she waved a hand and walked out the door, slamming it behind her.

"Can we continue?" The teacher asked, raising his bushy eyebrows at me.

"Yes, we can!" I smiled. I was actually proud of myself. For once, I didn't do what Peyton wanted me to do, I did what I wanted to do.

* * *

That night, I sat home on my bed and thought of how that day had started. I remembered the feeling I was always getting now whenever I thought about Nathan. There was this empty pain in my heart whenever someone spoke his name. I felt as though he had been wiped off the face of the earth, leaving three bitter sweet words in his place.

I started at first, wondering how I'd be able to get through another day without seeing him. How I could breathe in the air which used to carry his scent, but now was as empty as I was. I wondered how I could go to any parties again, or see my brother hanging out with his friends, and resist feeling that void. And I wondered if there was any possible way for me to get over him. But I knew there wasn't.

Then, I thought about how my school day ended. I was happy, though of course Nathan's thoughts were still running through me, I was still happy. Brooke and I had been getting along. Sadly enough, she was like the best friend I never had, though I had had one. Was there any possible way for me to go on in life without Nathan? Sure I'd hurt a little, but, I was pretty sure I'd be okay. After all, I had Brooke now. And I was feeling as though Peyton's presence in my life was decreasing each and everyday.

_There's no one in town I know  
You gave us some place to go.  
I never said thank you for that.  
I thought I might get one more chance.  
What would you think of me now,  
so lucky, so strong, so proud?  
I never said thank you for that,  
now I'll never have a chance.  
May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
So what would you think of me now,  
so lucky, so strong, so proud?  
I never said thank you for that,  
now I'll never have a chance.  
May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in.  
May angels lead you in.  
And if you were with me tonight,  
I'd sing to you just one more time.  
A song for a heart so big,  
god wouldn't let it live.  
May angels lead you in.  
Hear you me my friends.  
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.  
May angels lead you in._

_So What Would You Think Of Me Now? So Lucky, So Strong, So Proud... ?_

* * *

_K. there you go.. let me know... wow... i should be a poet lol... anyways...review please..._

_Michelley P._


	7. Tired Battered Fighters

HUGE RUSH! SORRY! I posted this before, but it neer worked.. here it is again.. let me know what u think please...

* * *

Chapter Seven: Tired, Battered, Fighters.

"Oh God!" I laughed as Brooke and I walked down the hall of the school. Her earphones were stretched across the space between us as we listened to her MP3 Player. "I love this song!"

"So Do I!" Brooke laughed with me. We reached our lockers where Cara was standing up laughing at us.

"WHAT!?" We both said in unison.

"You two!" Cara laughed as she waved towards us. She hung her head back in the dramatic way she had a tendency to do, her blond hair waving across her shoulders. "You're like... exactly alike!" Brooke and I laughed at each other and laughed again. Even when Brooke and Cara stopped laughing, I busted out laughing again.

"What's so funny..." They both questioned, laughing hard as I snorted.

"I was just thinking about... oh god, this is going to sound stupid, but I was thinking about us laughing, and thinking about laughing makes me laugh!" Both of the girls burst out in laughter with me until finally Cara spoke up again.

"Hales, you have to be the most bubbly and cheerful person I've ever met!" She smiled. "Honest! You never stop laughing or smiling!"

"That's not true!" I objected as if this were a bad thing. It wasn't a bad thing, but I just wasn't used to being considered cheerful. I was used to being broody and sad, mourning about all my imperfections. But, Cara did have a point. Since I started hanging out with Brooke more, and Peyton less, I had been happier.

"Oh yes it is!" Cara giggled. "You find everything funny... HEY! It's a good thing..." She smiled mischievously.

"Yeah, Im sure..." I grinned.

"What are you all smiley about!" Bevin grinned as she appeared at my side. "You never stop smiling anymore, it's actually quite funny."

"HA!" Cara laughed. It wasn't long until Brooke was laughing too, then all four of us were smiling, laughing and joking. I looked around and saw Peyton walking towards us, I would have been happy for her to stop and talk. Things may have been rocky, but she was still my best friend and if we could have all been friends, I would have been fine with that. But instead, she walked on pass us, sending me a sideways glare before turning back to the guy she was linking arms with.

"Thought she had a boyfriend?" Brooke asked quietly.

"She does..." I scoffed. I kept looking as Peyton and the guy sat against the wall next to the principle's office. She was talking and they were laughing as she occasionally looked over at us and began to laugh again.

"God... I hate that bitch." Cara blurted out. We all looked at her, the other girls laughing, while I wanted to, but didn't.

"Cara..." I sighed. "She's really not that bad." I tried my hardest to pretend to tell the truth, but Im sure they could have seen right through my lie.

"Have you talked to Nathan yet?" Brooke finally asked after a few moments of being silent. I looked at them all, my smile fading as I thought of him.

"Two weeks, three days..." I glanced down at my watch. "Thirteen hours, fifteen minutes and... twenty one seconds..." I finally finished.

"Since he's been gone?" Bevin asked Cara disappeared over to her other friends, she had never really known about Nathan and I, and never showed any interest that she'd want to know. She normally blocked out our conversations, and had no idea that Nathan and I were 'emotionally involved.' whatsoever.

"Yeah, and since I've spoken to him." I whispered. I could feel a lump in my throat, but once more I refused to shed any tears over this. I wanted him to call me. I wanted him to make that move. But he hadn't yet, and I was almost afraid he wouldn't.

"Aw, Im sorry Hales!" Brooke said in a sad and sincere tone, she pulled me in and hugged me. At first, this felt so unfamiliar, I had only just met her, and already we had become so close. It was... strange... but a good strange.

"Yeah... me too." I sighed as I pulled back. "Oh crap, there's David, I have to give him money, he wants to get some stuff after school." I said, using this as a reason to get out of this discussion.

"STUFF?" Bevin scoffed. "You do know what STUFF is.. Right?" She asked me. I did know. Just didn't want to admit it.

I sighed and shoved past them gently, walking quickly down the hall and reaching through me pockets to pull out money for him.

"Please don't..."

"Spend your money on drugs..." David finished for me. He smirked and scratched his head then dashed down the stairs to meet his friends. No thank you. No promise to return the favor. To appreciation whatsoever. There goes another paycheck I worked hard to get. Gone down the hole on something that I didn't want to admit my brother was doing.

I wrapped my arms around me stomach to stop myself from getting that empty feeling again. The one I got whenever I saw David without Nathan.

"Hey Buddy..." Lucas smiled as he fell into step next to me. I stopped and looked at him, trying to hide that look in my eyes, but he saw it, he always did. "Still hasn't called huh?" He said quietly. I just shook my head. "You know, it's okay to be sad, everyone's entitled to be sad at some point!" He smiled.

"Im not sad..." I defended myself.

"You're sad..." He nodded.

"No... Im fine." I lied. He just shook his head and sighed, then nodded towards my locker down the hall.

"How's your new friend..." He blushed. "Brooke..." He said her name in a way that made me shiver, the same way Nathan used to say mine, and even sometimes, when he was being nice, the way Chris said it. I smiled at him and laughed.

"You like Brooke?" I questioned, eyebrows high on my forehead.

"NO! I was just asking how she was! Geez!" He said nervously. Before I could answer he disappeared down the hall, standing in a circle of guys. A circle of guys which used to seem so big, but now seemed so empty without... him.

"I see a bitch!" I heard a snobby, yet familiar voice say from behind me. I stood there for a second, not thinking this could possibly be about me.

As I began to walk back towards my locker, I glanced once more at the place where Nathan used to be. I felt a lump in my throat, but swallowed it down and kept walking. But as I glanced at Peyton, I saw her lips moving, and heard those words again. "I see a bitch!" She laughed with the guy next to her. Roger. I knew him. He used to be my friend. Once again that lump in my throat surfaced, but this time it was too big to swallow down.

"Haley?" Brooke asked as I got to my locker. Cara was back again, and Bevin had disappeared. I leaned my head against the locker and shuddered as I tried to keep it in. I never knew that those words could hurt so much. I had been in feuds with other girls before. I had been called things before. I had never liked having people dislike me, it was my biggest insecurity, but if they didn't like me, I didn't cry about it. I never cried. But I had heard those words come from my best friend! She was my BEST. FRIEND. That's gotta mean something right?

"What's wrong?" Cara asked as my back began to shake. I lifted my hands from my face to stop them from spilling, but the tears came anyways. They bursted through my eyelashes and collided with my cheeks, drowning my lips. "Oh my god..." Cara breathed when my sobs finally surfaced. Brooke pulled me in and hugged me as Cara looked around.

"She hates me!" I cried. "I didn't even do anything. And she called me a bitch."

"PEYTON?" Cara asked angrily. She got ready to leap but I held her back, not expecting Brooke to do the same.

"Im going to..."She started angrily, fumes pouring out of her.

"NO! Brooke!" I yelled, grabbing her arm and pulling her back. "Don't. It's not worth it anymore." I glanced down at Peyton. She was still looking at me. But her face looked shocked. She had hardly ever seen me cry. And she looked surprised that her words would hurt so much. And I knew what would come next. I'd be the idiot. She'd deny it, pretending to be so loyal to our friendship. But I knew what I heard, and I wasn't over exaggerating. If I could have helped it, I wouldn't have cried. But I couldn't help it. Those tears were building up for two weeks, three days, thirteen hours, twenty two minutes and... fifty four seconds. Since he left. Since he said he loved me. Since he left and took everything I had left with him. Since I was left to look at everything that still lingered with his memory and pretend to be okay.

"Haley?" I heard Bevin's voice behind me. She looked at me, her eyes wide when she saw my tears. "PEYTON!" She said automatically. There was no stopping her though. I watched as she stocked off down the hall to where Peyton was, but had suddenly disappeared. Bevin turned the corner, on a rampage to find Peyton, and I knew the situation was about to go from bad to worst. The bell rang and we were off to french class. My hands shook as I walked through that classroom door and sat down.

I sat uncomfortably as I knew everyone was staring at me. I knew that I must have looked terrible. Eyes red and swollen from tears.

"You miss him don't you?" Brooke asked as she sat in the desk next to me. Her voice was hushed and sincere, and I as afraid to admit I did. I was afraid to admit that for the first time in my life, I had let a guy completely take over me, then leave when he got what he wanted. I was afraid to be vulnerable to what I felt whenever I thought about him. And most of all, I was afraid I getting hurt, though I already had been.

I wanted to lie to her. I wanted to say I didn't care that he left, that he truly meant nothing to me. But this was Brooke, and though we hadn't known each other for that long, she saw through all of my crap, getting right down to the bottom of it.

"It's like that John Mayer song." I finally admitted. I knew that one way that both Brooke and I connected was through lyrics, and Changing Tides. "All you need is love is a lie, Cuz' we had love but we still said goodbye, now we're tired, battered fighters..."

"And It stings when It's nobody's fault. Cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name, It's only the air you took and the breath you left." She finished for me.

"Yeah, it's just like that." I whispered. I watched as the door swung open and Bevin proudly walked in, an evil smirk on her face.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!" I grinned as she sat next to us.

"Just scared her a little." She smiled. I laughed but then tried to be serious.

"Bev, this isn't good. You didn't hit her did you?" I saw, I was secretly hoping her answer would be yes.

"I hope so!" Brooke smirked.

"No..." Bevin said in a humourous, sad, disappointed voice. "The bell rang!" She laughed. Finally I laughed again, sniffing away the last bit of tears I had left. And trying my best to get his face out of my head. It was literally driving me insane.

_And I don't know where you went when you left me but  
Says here in the water you must be gone by now  
I can tell somehow  
One hand on the trigger of a telephone  
Wonderin' when the call comes  
Where you say it's alright  
You got your heart right _

Maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and  
Wait on your porch 'till you come back home  
Oh, right  
I can't find a flight

We share the sadnessSplit screen sadness

Two wrongs make it all alright tonight  
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight  
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight  
Two wrongs make it all alright tonight

"All you need is love" is a lie 'cause  
We had a love but we still said goodbye  
Now we're tired, battered fighters

And it stings when it nobody's fault cause there's  
Nothing to blame At the drop of your name  
It's only the air you took and the breath you left

So maybe I'll sleep inside my coat and  
Wait on your porch 'til you come back home  
Oh, right  
I can't find a flight  
So I'll check the weather wherever you are  
Cause I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight  
It might be my only right

We share the sadness  
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)  
Split screen sadness  
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)  
We share the sadness  
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)  
Split screen sadness  
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)

I called  
because  
I just  
Need to feel you on the line  
Don't hang up this time  
And I know it was me who called it over but  
I still wish you'd fought me 'til Your dying day  
Don't let me get away

Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me  
So I can say 'this is the way that I used to be  
There's no substitute for time  
Or for the sadness(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)  
Split screen sadness  
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)  
We share the sadness  
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)  
Split screen sadness  
(two wrongs make it all alright tonight)  
Oh and the sadness  
It's alright, it's alright  
Oh and the sadness  
It's alright, it's alright  
Oh and the sadness  
It's alright, it's alright

* * *


	8. We Deserve Better

Hello, Im sorry Ive taken so long, I just have alot to do... but just wait because in one more week Im out of school for Christmas:)

* * *

Chapter Eight: We Deserve Better

"Going down to the pharmacy?" Luke smiled at me. He was kneeling in front of me as I sat next to my locker reading a book.

"Yeah..." I said quietly. He grabbed my hand and helped me up, then I got my jacket from my locker and followed him. It was quiet for a bit, and we just walked along. We first walked pass the smokers in our school. They were all huddled together in a group in their 'smoking section' outside. A few of them laughed and threw comments about me being Lucas's girlfriend. But we didn't care. WE were used to this, people assuming we were together. At least twice a week, someone would come up to me and ask me if him and I were together. I'd laugh and say no, not caring at the same time. Lucas was a good looking guy, the girls loved him, but the guys... not so much. He was a nice guy and everything, but they other guys thought he was more of a 'pretty boy', but they didn't know him, not like I did.

"Heard about Peyton..." He finally said as we walked down over the hill and through a parking lot. I didn't speak, just nodded and stared ahead of us. "She's a bitch, You should have known this." Once more I just nodded, knowing that if I spoke, my voice could get caught in my throat and that lump would surface again.

"Nathan's doing good." He said. He said this as if it were a last resort, just to get me to speak, as if he has known for a while, but didn't want me to know. I looked up at him, my eyes were wide and my mouth had fallen open.

"You talked to him?" I finally choked out.

"Yeah, David did too...and he's good..." Lucas began to change the subject, but I wouldn't let him.

"Why hasn't he talked to me?" I questioned. Lucas just shrugged and gave me a sad look.

"Because he's an asshole." He raised one eyebrow at me, and I gave him a hard look. I had no idea why he said these things when he knew how I felt about Nathan. I mean, I never told him, like came right out and told him, but... he had to know, everyone did. I sighed and turned away from him to continue walking. "Sup rat?" Lucas grinned evilly at a young eighth grader as he passed by us. The little boy lowered his head and walked pass us sadly.

"Luke!" A yelled as I elbowed him in the ribs. Luke jumped away from me and then just laughed. I wasn't sure what Lucas had against this kid, but it really annoyed me when he picked on him. Lucas had never picked on a kid before, until this one. I didn't even know his name... Billy someone, I think... all I knew was he had big front teeth and Lucas liked to call him rat.

* * *

"I can't hear myself think!" I slurred in a laughing voice as I stumbled in through the doors where the party was being held. It was in the basement of a community center, celebrating the festival which was being held in Tree Hill. Tonight, on my birthday, they crowned the king and queen of the festival in a pageant. The king? A good-looking, popular guy names Michel. The queen. None other than Faith! I had been so excited as I sat and watched her win inside that big gymnasium. So here we all were now, after a few hours before celebrating in our own little ways, all of us teens were here together, dancing and trying to have a good time at this party. Brooke had planned on staying around tonight, to help celebrate my birthday with mem and I was trying my best to be happy and bubbly for myself. But as I sat on that crowded bench waiting for her, my conscience hit me. Even through the liquor on my breath and the spinning in my head, that voice inside me was still getting to me. It was reminding me that he still hadn't called. It reminded me that he called my brother. And it reminded me that everything was changing way too quickly for me. Only about a month after I'd normally be with Peyton now, celebrating in more legal ways, I was sitting in a public place, piss drunk, and knowing myself that I wouldn't ever remember this. Or at least I didn't think I would. I was about to let myself sober up in these thoughts, when I was torn from them by a sloppy hand around my wrist, pulling me onto the dance floor.

Bevin looked at me and laughed, then hugged me tight. I laughed again, becoming completely lost in my drunken state once more, and I bounced around with her. "Im proud of you!" Bevin whispered as she hugged me when the music turned to a slow tune. I noticed Chris behind us, he was giving me a sad look and I was sure that everyone had seen the way I had drowned my sorrows that night. He shook his head and turned away.

"Why?" I smiled at Bevin. I felt myself tip to the side a little as the room began to spin and bounce, though the music was slow and soft. She pulled herself from me when her boyfriend Skills, grabbed her wrist. But she leaned in again for one more hug.

"Because, you've been so strong through all of this..." She whispered. I realized then that my acting must have been better than I thought, because I knew that I wasn't as strong as they all thought I was, and as Bevin disappeared, and Chris turned to me, giving me that look again, I knew he saw through it as well.

"Dance with me..." He smiled sweetly. He took my hand and pulled me in. I nervously let him, not really realizing what I was doing. I almost fell asleep on his shoulder as we danced, the alcohol was taking a greater toll on me than I thought it would. "Am I the only one who sees it?" He finally spoke through the lonely silence. I hated these parts of parties since Nathan left. When I saw all those couples together, dancing close, and the only thing I had to cling to was the memory of him being so close, and the realization that he was so far away.

"What?" I choked out. I finally knew I was starting to sober up, because I got that pain in my stomach again, the one that had been there since he left. I needed to get rid of it, and I promised myself I would as soon as this dance was over.

"You're crazy about him, but look at you!" He leaned back and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I could feel my chin quivering, and I couldn't help but notice the loss on his face. "You deserve so much better... Why don't you get that?" He whispered in my ear. I stopped dancing and looked into his eyes, there was so much sincerity in them, that I was afraid he'd swallow me whole with just one look. I kept telling myself he was only being sweet for one reason, but I knew there were many reasons. There was a look in his eyes that I used to see in Nathan's, and I was terrified I'd never see it again. He dropped his arms from my waist and ran them over his face stressfully as he walked away. I just watched him go, so sadly leaving me behind for a brief moment. All my life I wanted him to leave me, and now that he did, I had never felt so alone in my whole life. I decided, it was probably time for another drink now. So I headed outside and joined a small group behind the building.

* * *

"Buddyyyy!" I heard Brooke's scream as she entered the party. The alcohol didn't work like I'd hoped it would. I was drunk, and I was dancing around like an idiot, but I still had my common sense, sometimes. And most importantly, that pain wasn't going away.

"Hey!!" I smiled. And ran up and hugged her, I can remember it more clearly than anything. I was out of breath and spinning, and she smelled like alcohol.

"Happy Birthday!" She squealed. I bit my lip and laughed at her.

"Thank you!" I smiled back. We both ran out and started dancing. The floor was crowded and we were rudely being pushed around and knocking against people we wouldn't even know was there the next day. As I danced, I couldn't help but notice Chris in the corner of the room. He was just sitting there, turning down dances with girl after girl. Now and then we'd make eye contact, and I'd replay his words over and over. I looked around, at all the spinning people, the blurred faces and fuzzy images. I shut my eyes tight and when I opened them I noticed that Brooke was gone. Bevin wasn't around. Chris was gone. And on an empty bench, Faith was sitting alone with her head in her hands. The crown she had won was tipped on the side of her head and she was staring weirdly at me.

"Happy Birthday..." She quietly said as I joined her. She looked at me and bit her lip as if she were afraid. She was another one of the millions of people here which smelled like alcohol. I smiled and rubbed her back., "Oh God... Im sick..." She admitted.

I laughed and looked at her, but my laugh faded when she looked at me and her eyes swelled up with tears "Oh!" I gasped. I grabbed her hand and lead her to the bathroom, locking the door behind us. I then held back her hair as she threw up. I had to turn my own head to stop myself from urging at the sound of her throwing up. I rubbed her back, and repeatedly asked her not to drink as much anymore. After what felt like hours, she fell back against the wall. I untangled the tiara from her hair and then she placed it on my head.

"It's your birthday..." She sobbed. She was crying harder than I'd ever seen her cry. "How does it feel to be eighteen?" She asked me. I didn't bother answering her, instead I stared at her, unable to believe the number of tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Faith... it's okay... everyone gets sick..." I tried to comfort her, but I knew there was something more.

"Oh God!!..." She finally broke down. There was a banging on the door, but we ignored it and it went away. Outside, my favorite song was playing, and in that bathroom, the bluish lights were flicking and buzzing. "He doesn't even look at me the same anymore!" She blurted out.

"Who?" I knew who... but I didn't want to hear it. For so long, I had hated the fact that she was with my cousin, it seemed too weird, and it tore her and I apart. I always knew she loved him, but only now did I realize that she loved him just as much as I loved Nathan. "In school... he ignores me now. Or he's an idiot to me." She sobbed. I pulled her in and let her cry on my shoulder. Her small body shook and the more it shook the tighter I held her. "I see Bevin and Skills in school. Before Bevin has a test, Skills kisses her and wishes her luck. He used to do that to me... but he doesn't anymore. And I danced with someone tonight. He didn't want me to drink either. He's going to break up with me!" She cried.

"No he isn't... he loves you!" I tried to justify. But I knew that love wasn't actually enough. Nathan said he loved me, but where was he at that moment? I had no idea.

"I don't know if he does anymore... He don't call me in the night like he used to. And he doesn't talk to me in school and... I can't lose him Hales. I love him SO much!" She screamed. She fell against my shoulder again. And I just sat there. I wasn't sure what I could say, or how I could help her. All I wanted to do was help her, but I felt so useless as I sat on the old bathroom floor with. The music blared outside and the lights flickered and buzzed. And we sat on that cold floor, crying over what we could lose. It could have been too late for me. Nathan left and it was out of my hands. But Faith still had a chance. And I wasn't about to see her go down like I had. So I helped her off that floor and led her outside, making sure she worked it all out before she turned into who I had become. I didn't want that for her. She deserved better.

* * *

Faith and I had went outside, and now she was sitting on the steps talking to some other girls. They were comforting her, and were probably better at it than me. I knew that I was not the right person to be giving anyone advice anymore. I stood alone in the parking lot watching her. I had by arms around myself as I shivered, and I could feel my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. Picking it up I flipped it open. I lifted my hand to my head as the wind blew, and I hadn't even realized until then that I still had Faith's tiara on my head.

"Yeah?" I answered. The line was fuzzy and there was just as much blaring on the other end as there was here. I saw Chris watching me again, and I almost lost sight of myself living when I saw that look in his eyes again. "Hello?" I answered again. I snapped myself back into reality, and impatiently waited for the person to respond.

"Happy Birthday..." His voice echoed through my ears. I could see him grinning to himself in the moment. He was still alive, I knew that now. But I wasn't sure if I was. I felt my breaths get short, and this time I was the one falling to my knees and breaking down. I had never before in my life loved anyone the way I loved Nathan. I had never got such an unbelievably feeling at the sound of someone's name. And I knew that he had never tried to hurt me. But that wasn't the same. Whether he tried to or not, it still hurt. It hurt enough for me to finally break down in the middle of a crowded parking lot, at the sound of his voice in my ear. But for me, no one noticed... except Chris. It wasn't long until Chris was by my side. Nathan was on the other line asking what was wrong. And I couldn't help but wonder, as I sobbed hysterically and no one noticed, I couldn't help but wonder that if Nathan were here... would he notice? If it were him, I'd notice... I'd do anything for him. I just... I really, truly, was in love with him. In that moment, more than before.

_

* * *

Anything for you  
Though you're not here  
Since you said we're through  
It seems like years  
Time keeps draggin on and on  
And forever's been and goneStill I can't figure what went wrong_

I'd still do anything for you  
I'll play your game  
You hurt me through and through  
But you can have your way

I can pretend each time I see you  
That I don't care and I don't need you  
And though you'll never see me cryin'  
You know inside I feel like dying  
And I'd do anything for you  
In spite of it all  
I've learned so much from you  
You made me strong  
But don't you ever think that I don't love you  
That for one minute I forgot you  
But sometimes things don't work out right  
And you just have to say goodbye

And I'd do anything for you  
I'll give you up  
If that's what I should do  
To make you happy

Don't you ever think that I don't love you  
That for one minute I forgot you  
But sometimes things don't work out right  
And you just have to say goodbye

* * *

Review Please!

Michelley P.


	9. The Weekend

Hey, so this one is short, really short and I apologize. But it serves a purpose just the same.. here you go... review please. Im sorry I don't have much to say up here anymore...

Disclaimer: Don't Own OTH! HA!

* * *

Chapter Nine: The Weekend.

My head was pounding and my whole body was aching. It was the morning after and as I rubbed the top of my head I could still feel Faith's tiara on top. I groaned and rolled over and laughed a little to myself as I kicked off my jeans which were somehow still on one leg, while my pajamas were on the other. I was about to go back to sleep when I heard the buzzing of my cell phone next to me. I flipped it open and stared at the text message from Nathan, glaring me in the face. _Hey, what happened last night?_ I just shut it, not sure myself what happened. For a second I was hoping I'd have no recollection of last night's events, but now I remembered it all. And frighteningly I remembered who was there with me. It just seemed so strange that he'd be the one there with me, when for years everyone warned me about him. He didn't seem to bad at all, he seemed great actually. But I wasn't about to let my new found opinion of him take over my judgement.

I thought about Nathan, and took a sharp breath when I thought of the fact that he was so far away. I actually couldn't believe it. It had been awhile now, but I couldn't believe he was actually gone. It wasn't just a vacation anymore. He was gone. I could barely breathe when I thought about not seeing him, I couldn't face it. _What happened last night? _Last night my love for him grew greater than before and the sound of his voice frightened me. I had never needed someone so much, and now I did. It frightened me to think of ever giving my whole soul to someone, when I had never been able to trust anyone with so much as a pencil before. I needed Nathan to know how I felt, I needed him to understand how much I loved him, even if he didn't feel the same way. It would tear my world apart if he didn't feel the same, but not as badly as keeping this to myself. I opened my cell phone and typed back to him. _We need to talk._ Then I took a deep breath and jumped out of bed, ready to start the day and wait for him to respond. He was working now, and wouldn't respond until later that night.

"Hey..." A deep voice startled me from behind as I popped a few Tylenol at my kitchen counter. I thought I had been alone, except for my sleeping brothers downstairs. My parents were working as usual, and would be all day, so we had the house to ourselves. Normally this would sound awesome, but today it sounded like: Laundry; Dishes; Beds; Carpets; Floors.

"Hi..." I smiled back at Chris as he grabbed a glass from the cupboard. He was giving me that look that he always gave me, and before when Nathan was here, when I wasn't alone, it was annoying, now, when my loneliness haunted me, it was comforting.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Not well..." I laughed. He reached around me and I didn't bother to move. He had the water running and his arm was stretched around me to the tap. We were close, he didn't move, I didn't move and I kept reminding myself of my feelings. I loved Nathan, but Nathan was gone and I had never felt so disconnected in my life. If even for a slight second, Chris made me feel better about this. He made me feel like if it were him I loved, he wouldn't leave. If I asked him to come home, he would. If I asked him to jump off of a high bridge into a mad rushing river, he would. I wondered if Nathan would, I hoped he would. Because I'd do it for him. He leaned over and his cheek slightly brushed mine. There was so much temptation running through me that it took my breath but still through it all; only one person was on my mind. He pulled back and the corner of his mouth was against mine, I could feel his heavy breath on my cheek and I could feel his heart pounding just as hard as mine. But I pulled back. I let out a sigh and he nodded and left the room. I just stood there, not sure what had just happened. There was a weird feeling in my stomach and I felt like I had just betrayed Nathan. I wasn't with Nathan, but I still felt like I had betrayed him, if not him, myself.

* * *

"Hey..." I heard him breathe. I was laying in my bed and I couldn't believe this was happening. Though he was so far away, he seemed so close as I plastered the phone to my ear tightly. I smiled at the sound of his voice on the line, finally finding an inner calm to help me keep a grip as he spoke gently.

"Hi..." I finally let out. I could tell he was smirking, just by the way he spoke. I knew all these little details about him, how his voice sounded when he was smirking, how long it took him to get ready in the mornings, his weekly schedule, his email password.

"I miss you today..." I heard him say. I let out a deep sigh, almost wishing he hadn't said that, because as he did, it just made me fall harder, the height increasing as I dropped off the edge.

"I miss you everyday." I whispered. Everyone in my house was asleep, except for David, because I could hear his music blaring downstairs. "Nathan..." I began, I needed to tell him how I felt, I needed him to know because it was boiling up inside of me and ready to burst out.

"Yeah..." He voice was deep and tender, and it made me feel things I never thought I'd have a chance to feel.

"I... need to say something, but I can't... because I'm afraid." I whined.

"Don't be... just say it..." He already knew, I could tell, but it seemed like he wanted to hear it, and I wanted to say it. But my heart was pounding and my mind was racing, I was so nervous I was almost sick to my stomach.

"I..." I started, but let out a frustrated sigh when my mouth would speak the words my mind was shouting. At first it wouldn't anyways, but then it did, blurting it out quickly, "I'm in love with you." I couldn't believe I had just said it, and I kept playing over and over in my mind as he didn't speak at first, but then...

"That wasn't so hard was it?" He laughed. That wasn't exactly the reaction I was going for... not at all.

"That's all you're going to say?" I croaked.

"What do you want me to say?"

I really couldn't believe this. For the past three weeks I had been living my life around my love for him, and the thought that he had loved me too, but now I was just afraid I had been wrong. "Never mind... good night." I whispered. Then I hung up the phone before I could hear him speak again. I didn't want to hear him speak again, because I didn't want to believe he didn't love me. It was way too much to handle. He had said he loved me, to my face, and now, it was gone. Just like he was.

* * *

I slammed my locker door shut and leaned against it, my books tight against my chest. I couldn't believe the events of the weekend. I went from being so sure that Nathan loved me, to feeling guilty for almost kissing someone else, to having a pain in my heart, from knowing Nathan didn't love me at all.

"Hey buddy..." Brooke smiled I had told all about what had happened on the internet, and she hugged me, knowing I must have been sad.

"Hey-"

"BITCH!" Peyton sneered as she walked pass me. I just stared at her, as she dissolved down the hall. Then I lowered my head and sighed.

_Leave me out with the waste  
This is not what I doIt's the wrong kind of place  
To be thinking of you  
It's the wrong time  
For somebody new  
It's a small crime  
And I've got no excuse_

_Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright?  
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it  
Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright  
Is that alright with you?_

_Leave me out with the waste  
This is not what I do  
It's the wrong kind of place  
To be cheating on you  
It's the wrong time  
but she's pulling me through  
It's a small crime  
And I've got no excuse_

_Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright?  
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it  
Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright  
Is that alright with you?_

* * *

_Song: 9 Crimes; Damien Rice._

_There you go... please review... for me:)_

_Michelley P._


	10. You Don't Love Me

Hello! It's been a REALLY long time, and Im sorry but hey! in that time, more drama for this autobiography has come up so... ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own One Tree Hill, Or The Music Used

* * *

Chapter Ten: You Don't Love Me

"So..." Faith started as she walked down the road with me. "He didn't say anything?" she questioned. She couldn't believe it, I could tell. Then again, who would believe it? When we weren't together, Nathan and I were so in love and now when I finally decide that nothing else matters, he decides, everything else matters.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. I was afraid to speak, because I knew how I probably sounded. My voice was high and broken because of the pressure in my throat. "What should I have done differently?" I tried to justify. I finally looked at Faith. It was cold outside and the wind was blowing our hair every which way. She used her hand to keep her hand back and then stared at me. She shivered and I felt bad for insisting that she come out for a walk with me. But the walls of my house were eating me up and I was so afraid of myself.

"I..." She tried. She sighed, defeated, and I felt terrible again. I was begging everyone else to answer my questions, to tell me what to do because I was so afraid of figuring it out on my own. I didn't want the truth to hit me in the face, because that happened to me before, and it hurt too much. "I'm sorry, I don't know how to help you." She whispered. I nodded and smiled, then continued walking with her.

"Things can't keep going like this? Right?" I tried to be positive, trying to take deep breaths and wanting terribly to get my life back together. "I mean... things really suck for me right now." I actually laughed. I was unable to believe that things had gone from so normal to so bad. "It'll get better right. God, just tell me it'll be okay." All my life I never thought that when someone said things would be fine, it help to cheer you up. But I really needed to hear things would look up, that they'd be fine. But it wasn't there. I knew Faith was trying, but what I was looking for wasn't in her face. But I knew it wouldn't be. There was only one person who could save me now. But he didn't want to.

"He'll be home." She whispered to me. He'd be home. Two days ago, I would have thought that Nathan coming home would be the best thing that ever happened to me, but now, what did it matter? If he came home, it wouldn't make a difference, because he didn't love me.

* * *

"Can I come in?" I asked as I knocked on David's door.

"Yeah..." He answered. I swung open the door and stood there in shock. He was sitting on his bed, contentedly rolling a bunch of green fibers into a neat joint. My mouth fell open with shock but he was too busy to even remember I was there. "What the hell!" I gasped.

He laughed at me and went on to the next one. "Been talking to Nathan?" He asked me. I was staring at him, quickly rolling up his joint.

"Ah..." I tried to answer, but I was still getting distracted by my brother's talent. "No." I finally got out. "You're really good at that." I admitted.

"It's a gift." He laughed. He reached under his bed and pulled out the box to his game cube. Within this box, the most unsuspecting place, he pulled out another bag of marijuana. "I heard you crying last night." He continued, as if what he was doing wasn't a big deal, he was in his bedroom for Christ's sakes! And at this moment, his door was wide open. My parents were actually home today.

"Yeah... sorry about that." I sighed. I shoved my hands into me pockets and kept watching him. He was remarkably good at what he was doing.

"Please don't get involved with him. Or Chris." He warned me. He rubbed his hands in his jeans and stuffed his box of stuff under his bed. I couldn't help but wonder how long that had been there, and where he got the money for it. "They're going to hurt you." He said flatly.

"Dav-" And he disappeared out the door, one joint in hand. I heard the front door slam shut and I was stuck there, staring at that box under his bed. I was wondering if he'd care if I just happened to borrow some. I seriously considered it. But shrugged and walked away, trying to resist.

* * *

"He don't love me." I whined to Taylor over the phone. I heard her sigh. I felt like I was repeating these words over and over today. I knew I was, because I still didn't believe it. He didn't love me. I needed myself to believe it, so I could get it over with. But I couldn't get it over with.

"I don't believe that for a second!" She reassured me. I must have really fallen this time, because I never talked to my sister about these sorts of things. She was in her early twenties, and never once was in a real relationship.

"Believe it... I told him how I felt, he couldn't return it." I was surprised with myself. I didn't cry this time. There was no point. Crying wasn't going to being him home, and it sure as hell wasn't going to change the way Nathan felt about me.

"What exactly did he say?" Taylor tried to pick it apart.

"He said... nothing... not about that anyways." I answered.

"Did he say, 'Haley, I'm sorry, I don't love you...'?" She tried to justify.

"No..."

"WELL! THERE YOU GO!" She squealed happily. "THERE'S STILL HOPE! Hales, I know that boy loves you... David has told me." I scoffed with surprise. David told Taylor that Nathan loved me. That was something crazy, but definitely not true. I was sure, Nathan Scott did not love me.

* * *

"Hey..." I heard him breathe into the phone. I could picture him in that moment, smiling sexily as he laid on his couch. I really didn't think I would have enough strength to ever speak to him again, but I had surprised myself. As soon as my cell phone buzzed and I saw his name on my ID, I almost tripped over myself answering it.

"Hey..." I sighed with a little relief. I had been terrified that he wouldn't talk to me, after finding out how I felt about him. Even after how angry I had been with him in the past few days, just hearing him talk made me feel amazing.

"How are you?" He asked sincerely.

"I'm alright, you?"

"Okay..." I heard him mumble. There was suddenly a change in the way I pictured him, caused by the sadness in his voice. Now, when I thought of him, I saw him sitting on his couch, with his head in his hands.

"What's wrong?" I struggled out, afraid that something terrible may have happened. My heart raced to my throat and I couldn't help but panic at the thought of him being upset.

"Nothing..." He whispered. But his voice sounded as if he were tempted to say something else, though I didn't want to force it out. I dropped back on my bed and twisted my hair into a sloppy bun while I balanced my phone on my shoulder. "How was your day?" He changed the subject.

"Not good..." I sighed.

"Peyton still being a bitch?" He asked knowingly.

"Uh huh..." Our conversation was so flat, but just the silence between us was so personal and comforting, I just wanted to lay back and fall asleep with him breathing on the other line.

"Anything I can do?" His voice shook as he asked, as if my pain actually hurt him. But why would it? He didn't love me. But his concern broke me down and I had to bite my lip to stop it from quivering. I let out a long shaky sigh and heard him gasp at the sound of me crying.

"Come home?" I offered.

"I wish I could. But it's too late now." He answered me. "I've got a house and a job, a life!" He argued before I could start. I didn't bother to say anything more.

"Wanna hear something funny?" He finally spoke up through the silence.

"'kay..." I mumbled, wiping away a few stranded tears

"Haley..." He sighed. "Stop it..."

"Stop what?" I was almost angry.

"Being sad... I won't be gone forever, I'll be home for a visit sometime..." He groaned.

"What does that matter?" I blurted out, "It's not like you love me!"

"Oh..." He said in shock, "Hales..."

_I see the blue in your eyes  
Baby what are you hiding?  
I catch a glimpse of the truth  
And it don't look good, no  
I feel the ground fall away _

As you fight back the tears  
And choke the words

_You don't love me  
You can't say it  
After all this time  
You don't want me  
You can't mean it  
Tell me your lied  
Yesterday everything  
Seemed so ok  
How can it be that today  
You don't love me? _

I thought that I really knew  
Who you were, baby  
But now my world is a mess  
And I'm going down  
I can't bear to believe

There's nobody else  
The reason is...

You've shattered my heart  
And you've left it for dead  
The truth is I've been misled  
You don't love me

How could we get so close  
And end up as strangers?  
How could something so good end up like this?

You've shattered my heart  
And you've left it for dead  
The truth is I've been misled  
You don't love me

* * *

That song was You Don't Love Me- Stephanie McIntosh... amazing song... and trust me, I may end up using a few of her songs because she's amazing! anyways, leave a review... thank you:)

Michelley P.


	11. Two In One

Yes I know I left you with a cliffhanger, and I apologize! but I didn't make you wait TOO long did I? lol here you go!

Michelley P.

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Two in One

"Watch it!" Peyton's angry growl snapped at me as I accidently knocked into her walking down the hall. I wanted to say something mean, but being the same old Haley I always was, I couldn't. I put my head down and quickly dashed to me locker. When I got there, Brooke was watching me with wide eyes.

"Why do you let her push you around like that?" She argued with me. Her long dark hair was falling loosely on her shoulders and her simple red shirt matched gorgeously with her faded blue jeans.

I just shrugged. "What else am I supposed to do?" I whined.

"I don't know. Say something! Get mad!" She tried to find an answer.

"You know I don't do that..." I sighed. She sighed too, and leaned back against her locker.

"Well you need to start defending yourself." I didn't argue with her. I just leaned back against my locker and let myself fall to the floor. She looked down at me sadly, probably expecting me to be frowning with everything going on around here. As she slowly sat at my side she glanced at my face which was turned away from her. I was shaking my knee nervously and she probably thought I was on the verge of tears.

"Hey..." She said sweetly. "Look at me..." I turned and looked at her with a huge grin. She was drawn back in surprise. "Okay... you're smiling. Why?" She smiled back. It wasn't that she was objecting with it. She just didn't understand. I smiled at her and prepared to tell my story of what happened last night.

* * *

"_What does that matter?" I blurted out, "It's not like you love me!"_

_"Oh..." He said in shock, "Hales..." He stopped in mid sentence. His breaths were choppy and he seemed nervous. I couldn't help but cry. He didn't love me and I wanted him to. No, I needed him to. I had never felt this way about anyone in my whole life, and now the only thing I needed was to know he felt the same way. If he did, it would be all that I needed to get through the hell I've been going through._

_"What?" I shouted at him with angry sobs. "What do you expect me to do? Pretend I don't care?" I cried. "I do and you-"_

_"Haley!" He shouted at me, stopping me when I was ready to yell again._

_"WHAT?" I SCREAMED._

_"I DO LOVE YOU!" He yelled back. I didn't say anything. Just let the words replay over and over. I heard his breath heavily on the line as if he were ready to cry as much as I was. All the yelling and confusion between us was wearing off and I just listened to him._

_"What?" I finally whispered. He sighed and his breath painted an image of him in my mind. Laying back on his couch in those faded jeans and t shirt. His dark hair was probably a mess and his blue eyes bright._

_"I do love you." He whispered again. _

_"But... when I told you how I felt, you didn't say it." I objected. I was happy to hear him say this, but angry that he was pulling me through such an emotional roller coaster. _

_"I know... and I wanted to... but I waw just as afraid as you were... I told you before I left and you didn't say anything. So when you said it..."_

_"What? You wanted to make me feel the same way?" I gasped._

_"NO! Haley! Of course not! I was so shocked that you felt the same way... I could barely breathe, and I wasn't sure if I should say it back." I let out an angry breath and tried to calm myself down._

_"Why weren't you sure?"_

_"Because... I was leaving and not coming back. If we get all emotionally attached to each other, it'll be too hard." He whispered innocently._

_"Nathan..." I half laughed at how cute he sounded. "We've been emotionally attached since you first moved to Tree Hill."_

_"I know. And I'm sorry." He said quietly. "I wish I could fix this."_

_"You just did." I smiled. I heard him let out a breath of relief. _

_"I love you..." I heard him whisper._

_I closed my eyes tight and grinned. "Now, that wasn't so hard was it?" I joked. I heard him laugh and sniffle as if he had been crying. "I love you too." I finally whispered._

* * *

I had my eyes closed tight and my head against my locker happily. I could almost see Brooke next to me, her mouth gaped open, without even opening my eyes. I honestly couldn't believe the feeling I was getting from just knowing Nathan loved me. I had no idea where I stood with him, if we were a couple now or waiting to see if he ever came back. But right now it didn't matter, all that matter was that I had a permanent flutter in my stomach and my heart couldn't stop racing. I was totally, completely in love with him. What else mattered?

"Haley!" I heard Brooke laugh, breaking me from my thoughts. "That' great!" I looked over at her at last, and saw her smiling big.

"Yeah..." I smiled back, I closed my eyes again and bit my lip.

" It's 'bout time you were happy." She smiled sincerely.

"I am..." I responded. I looked up and saw Peyton approaching again. I didn't understand why she was doing all this, she used to my best friend an she suddenly hated me.

Peyton shot a hard look at me and I shot one back. Why? Not because I really wanted to. But because I was doing good now, and I wasn't going to let her bring me down. She linked arms with the girl she was walking with and stomped away. The weird thing was, this was totally out of character for her. She was prissy, yes. She was conceited, _yes. _But the Peyton Sawyer I knew, never, _ever, _turned her back on a friend.

"So what are your plans for this weekend?" Brooke finally spoke up again.

"Party!!" I squealed. Bevin was standing a little further down the hall and she smiled over at me.

"Hell Yeah!" Bevin yelled back.

"Party?" A husky voice questioned at my side. I held my breath for a second. I hadn't thought about him at all.

"Ah..." I started. I turned my head and stared into Chris's deep eyes. "Yeah..."

"Where's my invite?" He grinned.

"Lost in the mail, sorry..." Bevin smirked from behind me. Chris shot her an angry look andthen his look faded when he looked back at me. He smiled brightly as I stood up to face him, and Bevin. I stepped back when I found myself standing too close to him. He reached out and tucked a stranded hair behind my ear. My brother told me not to trust Chris or Nathan. But I knew I could trust Nathan. And it seemed as if David had been wrong about both guys.

"You're welcome to come..." I found myself saying. I had no reason to feel as though he wasn't. I should be able to trust myself to not do anything right? Nathan should be able to trust me?

"I'll keep that in mind." He smirked. He brushed along my arm and walked past me. I stood there for a second, my whole body confused by how sweet he was. But still there was this glint in his eyes that told me run.

"Did you hear what he told the guys?" I turned to bevin as she smiled at me. She didn't know about Nathan and I, so I couldn't blame her. Brooke had disappeared down the hall and Bevin and I were being pushed around by the crowd.

"Well, David said that he keeps saying disgusting things. And David's worried." I admitted. David had said that, and that's why he asked me to be careful. David said that whenever Chris was drunk he'd tell the guys the things he'd do to me if he ever got me alone. That sacred me at first, but after getting to know him more, I could see he wasn't capable of it.

Bevin shook her head. "No, he said he's crazy about you." I just stood there staring at her. _Two in less than twenty four hours, _I thought, _not bad tutor girl._ But I didn't want Chris to feel that way about me. I didn't want to disappoint him when he found out how I felt about Nathan. He had been nothing but good to me and I had no write to hurt him. But it took me so long to get to this point with Nathan, nothing would make me give it up.

_I've run from these feelings for so long  
telling my heart I didn't need you  
pretending I was better off alone  
but I know that it's just a lie  
so afraid to take a chance again  
so afraid of what I'd feel inside _

but I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)  
oh I, oh I  
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath with you)  
oh I, oh I  
I need to know I can see you smiling each morning look into your eyes each night  
for the rest of my life

here with you, near with you  
oh I  
I need to be next to you  
need to be – next to you

right here with you is right where I belong  
I'll lose my mind if I can't see you  
without you there is nothing in this life  
that would make life worth living for  
I can't bear the thought of you not there  
I can't fight what I feel anymore

'cause I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)  
oh I, oh I  
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath with you)  
oh I, oh I  
I need to know I can see you smiling each morning  
look into your eyes each night  
for the rest of my life

here with you, near with you  
oh I  
I need to be next to you

I need to have your heart next to mine  
for all the time  
hold you for all my life  
I need to be next to you

I need to be next to you (to be next to you)  
oh I, oh I  
need to be, need to be next to you  
share every breath with you  
oh, oh I  
I need to feel you in my arms, babe (oh...)  
in my arms, babe (oh I...)  
I need to be next to you  
oh I, oh I  
(oh I...)

* * *

There you go... review please:)

Michelley P.


	12. The Party That Changed Everything

Hello everyone... heres another chapter. This chapter is a verys erous chapter for me... one of my biggest regrets...

And by the way... for those of you who read "It's All Coming Back To me Now." I haven't given up on the story. I know haven't updated but I had a block. I started a chapter today so we'll see.. don't worry:P

Disclaimer: I Don't Own OTH! HA! i wish!!

Michelley p.

* * *

Chapter Twelve: The Party That Changed So Much

"NO!" I heard the guys cheering. "Oh man! You drink!" They all laughed. I peeked in around the corner from the front porch, shutting the door behind me. This house, was old. Not old and elegant, but old and worn out. Most people would wonder why we liked to party here. But the people who owned this house, were always gone and their kids were huge partiers. And an advantage to this house being in such terrible condition? A hole in the wall or broken dishes here? No biggy, happens all the time.

"Haley!" My brother said happily as I walked over to the table where they were all playing a drinking game. This wasn't a really big party, but it was personal. All of my close friends that I grew up with were here, and all getting along. I noticed Chris sitting at the end of the table, almost passed out already. He had a huge grin on his face and he was slurring something about not being able to drink anymore. He was wearing a black shirt with a comic line on, and I recognized it. It was Nathan's. Nathan must have left it laying around his house one night after a party, and now Chris was wearing it? I swallowed a lump in my throat, but it wasn't a sad lump. The feeling I got from any reminder of Nathan gave me the most overwhelming feeling ever.

David got out of his chair and let me sit there, and he sat on the counter.

"You guys really started this party without me huh?" I joked as I popped open a beer that my brother gave me. I mouthed him and thank you and he smiled and sat on the counter again.

"Oh please, it wasn't a party until you got here!" Chris grinned. I smiled back, and watched as the other guys nodded with him. It felt good to be there with them like that, just hanging out and having fun. I felt like I was finally being accepted by them again, after ditching them for Peyton so long ago.

"HALEY!" I heard a high-pitched squeal from the living room. I laughed as Bevin stumbled out and fell onto my lap.

"Hey Bevin..." I giggled, giving her a hug.

"Guys... did you know that Haley and Nathan are an item now..." She blurted. I glanced around as they all stopped drinking and stared at me. Not one of those people there wanted me with Nathan, I could see it in the way their mouths still hung open in a motion to drink, but they were all frozen in time. I looked at David who looked worried and sad. He shook his head and popped open another beer. Chris, just stared into his sadly, while the other guys stared at me.

"GUYS!" Bevin squealed again, she got up from my lap and stumbled around, a beer in hand, splashing everywhere. "This is good! Nathan loves Haley. We always knew that..." I few guys nodded and it made me feel better. But Chris stared at Bevin. "Chris... don't go giving me that look. You want Haley, we get that... but you snooze you lose right."

"Bevin..." I warned her.

"It's okay, Haley." Chris whispered. He laid his beer down and walked into the living room. I sighed, popped open a beer and chugged it back.

"So you guys are together now?" David finally spoke. I had been waiting for him to say something. I nodded.

"I don't know, I mean I guess.. We haven't really discussed that part yet." I told everyone.

"God Dammit Haley!" David said in a stern voice, "Be careful, you hear me?" He warned. I stared down and nodded. With that, the door swung open and in walked my older brother. Michael stood there, towering over the doorway, hand in hand with a beautiful, not exactly slim, fake brunette. He looked around the room and stared at Aaron. Aaron, whose parents own this house, stared back at him with his huge impulsive green eyes. He looked at Angie, the girl by Michael's side.

"You're kidding me!" I spoke up. I loved Angie, she was a really sweet girl. But what nerve!

"Haley... are you drinking?" Michael bit out.

"Are you here with the girl you stole from Aaron?" I snapped back. Neither of us said a thing, having a mutual answer to both questions. Yes, I was drinking. And, Yes, he was here with her. I raised my bottle to my lips and took another swig.

"You put that bottle down!" He spat out. He dropped Angie's hand and walked over to be, grabbing my arm tightly. With my other arm, I raised the bottle once more to my mouth. His eyes widened and his grip tightened. I was always afraid of him, but hated to show him. But tonight, his eyes were stony and dark, his usually stern face was twisted and he looked as though all the hate he could ever radiate, was radiating into me. I pulled my arm away form him and stood up. I stumbled at first, never having realized that I had drank my beer so quickly. David stood with me and walked to my side. I couldn't help but think about how terrible this was, to have such a war in my own family.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Michael yelled. "Stupid slut..." He murmured. Aaron stood up quickly, and busted around me to face Michael. My eyes were stinging with tears. Ever since I could remember, my own brother hated me and I never knew why. Now he was expressing his anger in public and I had never felt so embarrassed in my whole life.

"Don't you ever call her that..." Aaron said angrily.

"She's my sister..." Michael defended himself.

"And mine!" David finally spoke up, I was wondering when he was going to step in, he always did. Chris came back from the living room to watch the commotion.

"She needs her ass kicked... she's the biggest bitch ever..." I think Michael was talking to himself now, trying to justify why he did these things, as if he didn't understand either.

"You've done that enough already haven't you?" David tempted him. Aaron's eyes shot open and Chris stared into mine. Everyone was looking between us and I couldn't handle it. With wobbly legs, I grabbed two more beer and stumbled through the hall, into a room and locked the door. Outside I could hear some yelling, and then the door slammed and it was silent. Chugging back one beer I let the glass bottle fall to the floor. The sound of it hitting the floor rung into my ears, making me at first oblivious to the voice outside the door.

"Haley..." Aaron's voice whispered. "Can I come in?" I unlocked the door and fell back on the bed. When I stared at the ceiling, it spun around and all the colors of the room entwined together to make the weirdest shade ever. But the shade was washed away when my tears came again and rolled out. Aaron sat on the edge of the bed as I sobbed.

"Has he ever hurt you, Haley?" Aaron asked sadly. I couldn't catch my breath long enough to speak., so I nodded roughly. I heard him gasp painfully as he spoke again, " If he ever touches you... again, please let me help you... just tell me okay?" He searched my face for a sign that I'd be fine, so I smiled.

"Okay..." I answered. He stood to leave as I stayed laying on the bed, but I shouted to him first. "Do you think it's stupid, being with Nathan when he's so far away?"

"No... I don't blame Nathan for loving you... I used to... and Chris does... and Nathan does too." He answered, he opened the door and Chris was standing there, "Nathan was the lucky one..." He answered to me, but stared out at Chris as he shoved past him.

Chris walked in and sat on the edge of the bed with me. I was still laying back and I didn't have enough energy to get out of this position, with him beaming over me. He just stared at me, and I closed my eyes tightly, to get his face out of my mind.

"You're so blind..." I heard him whisper.

"Why?"

"Because... Nathan... he's not a good guy, Haley. He's going to hurt you."

"NO! He isn't!" I snapped. I sat up so quickly that I fell against his shoulder. He smelled the same way he did that night at the dance. It was a mix between cigarette smoke, alcohol, and a very sweet smelling cologne. Nathan never had the smell of cigarettes on his clothes, which meant that anytime I smelled it, I'd think of Chris. I felt Chris run his fingers through my hair, and then glide his hand down my back to rest on the lower part. I shivered under his touch as he drew circles on the bare skin between my shirt and pants. To get away, I fell back again, sprawling out on the bed. I looked at Chris, who was peering over me, his eyes wide with mischief as he bit his lip. My heart raced and my blood went cold. There was something in his eyes that scared me.

"He still talks to Anna you know... every night." He said again. I felt as though his main objective now was to have me hate Nathan. But he was the one who was blind. Because if he could see, he'd see that there is no way I could ever hate Nathan.

"No he doesn't..." I whined. My body went numb from all the alcohol that had been chugged with such lack of experience. I could feel his body press against me and his hand wander up my leg. I held my breath, but couldn't manage to move my arms correctly to push him away. His hands smoothed their way up my hips and to my lower stomach, where he drunkenly undone the button of my jeans. I let out a long whimper through my drunken state, praying someone would hear me. But the music outside was blasting and the only person who'd hear me as I slowly faded with alcohol, was Chris. After defeating the button, he worked his hand under my shirt and onto my chest where I was sure he could feel my heart beating.

"Stop it..."I began to cry. I pushed him away as best I could, but felt too dizzy to keep trying. Both of his hands were now wrapped around me and sinking into my bare skin as he planting sloppy kisses on my face.

"HEY!" A voice boomed. I glanced up through my tears to see David bursting in through the door. He grabbed Chris and pulled him off of my. Chris hit the floor and then ran out through. David didn't bother chasing him. He lifted me off the bed and pulled my shirt which Chris hadn't yet managed to rip off of me, down across my exposed stomach. I could still feel his finger tips digging into me, sure they would have left a bruise.

_Oh, it's time to let it go _

The world's got a funny way of turning 'round on you  
When a friend tries to stab you right in the face  
Losing faith in everything I thought I hoped I knew  
Don't sweat it, it was set on false pretense

Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change  
And it doesn't seem likely to fade  
Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change  
Cu-cu-cu-cuz you know...

It's sacrifice  
False pretense you'll hurt again  
Stop pretending to deny  
False pretense you'll hurt again

All along you know you thought you got the best of me  
But you were wrong and I'm laughing right in your face  
I cannot believe you claimed you were my family  
Don't sweat it - it's set on false pretense

Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change  
And it doesn't seem likely to fade  
Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change  
Cu-cu-cu-cuz you know...

It's sacrifice  
False pretense you'll hurt again  
Stop pretending to deny  
False pretense you'll hurt again

Oh, it's time to let it go

I can't seem to understand it how you turned out to be so cold  
You tried but were caught red handed, are you happy with your role?  
It's funny to me how you've turned into such a joke...

It's sacrificeFalse pretense you'll hurt again  
Stop pretending to deny  
False pretense you'll hurt again

So play the game until you run out  
And play the game into my hand

* * *

Alrite... let me know what you think okay?

Michelley P.


	13. A Change Is Coming

Hello... okay my thoughts will be after because I gotta say somethign but you gotta read it first.

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: A Change Is Coming

The halls in school were flooded with people on Monday. It seemed that for the first time, ever single person in the school decided to attend, and all of them were in the same part of the hall. I almost smothered as I walked through the growing crowd and to my locker, planted right next to Brooke's. She smiled at me brightly, with no idea of what I had endured that weekend, and I couldn't help but wonder how this was going to end. If this moment of this bitter movie called my life, was going to end like the rest, I'd give me and Brooke a year, or less and then I'd find myself sitting alone in the hall again, the same way I did with Peyton. But with Peyton, I had Brooke, and I wouldn't have her if anything happened after this.

"Hey buddy..." She said in a high voice. Her eyes were wandering around and I noticed them finally dance happily over a figure behind me. I glanced to see the well-known-pretty-boy Lucas standing at his locker behind me. I never once expected this, as I watched and saw him smile back at her.

"Okay wow." I said, completely forgetting my own problems. Lucas, who had always been my best friend in the whole world, smiled and nodded at me and then made his way down the hall. He seemed too nervous and shy to speak, so he kept walking. I had never seen Brooke's eye light up like this before, but there was a green shimmer in them and she seemed completely lost in the empty space where Lucas had just been standing.

"What?" She finally broke her eye contact and then smiled up at me.

"You and Luke huh?" I said with surprise.

"Me and Luke what? Nothing!" She grinned, "He doesn't see me like that." I glanced down the hall to where Lucas's shaggy blond hair was in the middle of the crowd, and then he stopped. Once more, he turned and looked back at Brooke and then walked on. Behind him, Chase, who I'd always known had a common interest in Brooke, watched the exchange and I saw him redden with jealousy. That same little kid Lucas always picked on ran past him and he couldn't help but push him a little and mumble his cruel nicknames in a laugh. Chase, looked at Lucas and shook his head in disgust. Then walked again. I couldn't help but wish Brooke would see how completely in love Chase was with her, instead of seeing Lucas. After all, best friend or not, Lucas was a jerk when he wanted to be.

"Oh, but I think he does!" I smiled. She rolled her eyes and slammed her locker shut. Leaning against it I noticed her beaming.

"Have you spoken to Nathan lately?" She said with a mischievous smile. I loved how she had been the only person to be happy for me, except for Faith and my sister, but Brooke spent a lot of time with us, and she was happy for me. I sighed and leaned against the locker, taking in her sad words. Nathan? Nathan Scott? Nope.

"Nah..." I said in a regretful sigh, "He seems to have left the planet." I said with a shrug.

"Since when?" She asked in a confused voice. As far as she knew, Nathan and I were together and happy, but to me, we'd never _really _be together until we could actually physically be together.

"Thursday night." I answered, I shrugged as Brooke raised an eyebrow at me, obviously concerned. But I just figured he was busy at work. I pictured him working really hard on an old oil rig, sweating and missing me terribly. That's what I imagined anyways. "Did I tell you he got in a fight in a bar?" I said with enthusiasm.

"Um No!" Brooke laughed. She had never met Nathan, nor had she even really seen him, and sometimes I don't think she understood how I could be so hung up on someone so far away. But like I said, she never seen him. But don't get me wrong, I loved Nathan for some totally different reasons.

"Yeah... apparently some girl hit on him in the bar, and her boyfriend got pissed and they got in a fight." I laughed. Brooke looked at me as if I were crazy, and I knew what she was thinking, "No, they didn't do anything. Nathan wouldn't do that. It was all on her end..."

"So why'd they fight if Nathan did nothing." I stopped smiling and just looked at her and shrugged.

"Because her boyfriend was jealous over Nathan getting his attention?" I suggested. This worried me a little, was that the reason? God, I hoped so. Brooke didn't respond at first, she was looking at me and I could see her contemplating this in her head.

"Yeah..." She finally said, "That's probably why. You know guys!" She rolled her eyes to make it more believable, but now I was trying my best to not worry. Nathan was thousands of miles away, and he looked like... well, like he did. Even if we hadn't been a couple, if that's what we were, I would have felt as though he were cheating on me if he did anything at all. Because even if you're not with someone, and you love them, they should be the only person you'd be with if they feel the same? Right? I repeated this over in my head. Nathan was not like Chris or any other guy. I knew he wasn't about to do something terribly stupid like that.

The bell finally rang and I looked as the people in the halls filed out and the halls became completely bare. Brooke looked back at me as I stared at the empty hall.

"You coming?" She asked me.

"In a second." I mumbled. She disappeared into home room and I swallowed a hard lump in my throat. I closed my eyes and thought about how much I missed Nathan, and how much I loved him. I pictured Nathan walking up that hall, just like he used to.

"Ms. James?" A harsh, rough voice called from the class, "Do you plan on joining us today?" I stared at the hall again, wishing my dreams would become a reality, and then I nodded and went into the class, taking one last peek down the hall as I went inside.

* * *

That whole day, Peyton didn't look at me once. Which hurt a little because I hated having people not like me, but was relieving as well, because that meant she didn't utter any bitter words at me. I sat through a full history class, watching Lucas and Brooke flirt and laugh. I went and sat with Chase in the corner of the room when I noticed him watching her.

"What does she see in him?" he asked me as I sat down.

"Um... nothing?" I smiled. Chase smiled back thankfully and nodded. "She'll get over it. She's new here, they always like Lucas at first. Don't worry it's innocent." Chase was probably reminded of all the other girls who had a thing for Lucas, because then he smiled and agreed.

"So what about you?" He smiled sweetly, "What are you doing... being alone?" He smiled. I smiled back at him, I had never realized how sweet he was. Up until this point he had been the biggest jerk ever, to me at least. What had made me go sit with him? He looked just as lonely as I was, pining for someone who was out of his reach, more metaphorically than me of course.

"I'm not." I smiled. It felt really good to be able to say that out loud without a care, "I mean, I am but... I'm not." I blushed.

"Oh really." He smiled, he leaned back and yawned, stretching his arms over his head. It was the last period in the day and he was still looking like he just woke up. "And who's the stupid guy who isn't spending his time with you?" I could see him fishing around and being sweet, Brooke was my best friend and I guess he wanted me to keep him around, or put in a good word for him or something.

"Nathan Scott." I said with pride. He dropped his arms and shook his head.

"Why? He's not even here anymore." He said, and he actually looked concerned for me.

"Because I love him." I blushed.

"He's crazy." Chase muttered. I raised an eyebrow and stared at him.

"Um... thanks?" I said sarcastically.

"I meant for not throwing everything down out there and coming home." He smiled apologetically. "I know I'm usually an asshole to you, but you deserve someone who's going to be there." I wasn't sure how to react, so I just smiled and nodded sadly. He was probably right, and it seemed that today everyone and everything was suggesting that if Nathan wasn't here, this wouldn't work.

* * *

I grabbed my book bag from my locker and walked down those once more crowded halls. I wasn't going home today. I was supposed to work but then just didn't feel up to it. So I switched with another girl from work and I had to wait until Wednesday to work again. Which was stupid. I was always taught to never let anything come in my way of work, but today I just couldn't do it. I couldn't. As I followed the crowd out the doors and wondered where I'd go for the evening, I pulled out my cell phone and decided to text my maybe-boyfriend. I stood in the increasingly empty doorway and waited for a response. Nothing. I watched as some of the guys, David included, grinned and walked over to a car which was blocked from my view. It was all black with tinted window and a white rag top. They crowded the man in front and I automatically assumed it was the neighborhood drug dealer, especially considering David had gotten money from me earlier.

But I lost my breath as the walked away from the car and revealed a sun-tanned, dark-haired boy. He was leaning against the hood on the car with his palms flat on it. My knees got weak beneath me as he stared at his feet and ruffled his messy black hair. Breathtaking. When he glanced up he stared at me and smiled brightly. Was it really him. Yeah, Nathan Scott.

_I am tired of tears and lies  
And I think its time to let go of the past  
I am scared a little but that's ok  
I can smile  
Now I can laugh _

For with every touch of your gentle hand  
I forget all the pain best I can

A change is coming  
I feel so free at last tonight  
I start to see a future bright  
I dare to dream  
I catch my breath  
Reborn I'm ready for what's next  
And if they ask me why it's so  
To every single question  
The answer is you

I'm inspired by your ideas  
And your strength empowers me  
More than you know  
I was lost but somehow you found me out  
I'm alive  
I'm ready to go  
And with every kiss I lose track of time  
Guess I'm leaving my old life behind

And I'm elated by the world of possibilities I see  
You make me wanna be the best  
That I could ever hope to be

I feel it coming

Yeah I can I feel it

* * *

Okay, You know how this is real right? The Nathan coming home... that didn't really happen:(:(:( Wish it did but... it didn't. BUT, all the drama from here on out, it DID happen, but just to keep you guys happy, I'll have Nathan be home when it happens, not far away... but there'll be the same problems.. if any :P AND Brooke... there is no Chase in reality. Just a Lucas. But, in the end this is for the characters best interests. I want Brooke to be happy so if I can't do that in real life, I'll do it here... There ya go B.. this is for you. I'm Sorry.

Michelley P.


	14. Author's Note

Okay. Author's note. Sorry, hope I didn't make you guys think this was another chapter, If I did sorry... I know how much that sucks but I needed to clear my last exerpt up COMPLETELY. that little thing at the end was MOSTLY for the people who I know from home that read this story. Do you remember how I said that this story is autobiographical? Yeah well... in the story I had Nathan come home. But I wanted to let everyone who was confused by this know - because in REAL life, the "Nathan" hasn't come home yet.- I wanted to let them know that the only reason he's home in the story is because that's what the readers wanted and I couldn't make you guys wait as long as I've been waiting. so the story itself goes off the real life storyline. Everything that happened between "Nathan and Haley" in REAL life, will still happen, but it will happen with Nathan at home, rather than far away. So, just to sum it all up... _in the fanfic_, YES, Nathan is home. For those who know me... NO, he isn't.

So just for the general readers... Nathan IS home.


	15. Always and Forever

Here it is... Chapter Fourteen.. not much to say,, jst read and enjoy... and of course... REVIEW:)

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Always And Forever

I stood in front of the school and breath caught in my throat. I couldn't believe he was actually there. Some other random guys slapped hands with him, all while he kept his eyes on me. BUT, whenever I used to think of Nathan coming home, I didn't think of this. It was weird, seeing him for the first time now. Before he left we had only been friends, and now we were supposed to be more than that. I wasn't sure what to do now, so as he smiled at me from the hood of his car, wearing a grey t shirt with black sleeves and faded jeans, I just walked towards him casually. My palms were sweating and my knees felt weak as I tightened my grip on the books in my arms. The buses and cars whizzed out of the parking lot, and we were left alone in the cooling, soft wind. As I got closer to him, he stood up straight and smiled brightly, his eyes lighting up. And I could resist. I let my book bag fall off my shoulder and the books in my arms went down with it. I dashed quickly across the remainder of the parking lot and let out a happy laugh as I jumped into his arms. He smiled and spun me around. He still smelled the same, that sweet scent that I always remembered. His arms were thicker from working, and his chest was harder. I never imagined he could look better than he used to, but he did. He looked amazing.

He stopped spinning but kept his strong arms around me, his nose nuzzled in my hair. I laid my head on his shoulder and felt small tears falling down my face and onto his shoulder.

"For a second I didn't think you were happy to see me." he whispered to me. I pulled back and stared up at him. He looked at me seriously and ran his thumb across the tears on my cheeks. "What's wrong?" He asked me.

I smiled and shook my head, "Nothing."

"Why are you crying?" He seemed so worried, a way I had never seen him. But his eyes were still bright blue and the way he was looking at me made me feel...wow.

"I just missed you." I whispered to him. I leaned into his chest again and laid my head on his shoulders. He chuckled and then wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. For a small minute he tightened his grip and squeezed me, as if I weren't close enough.

"I missed you too." He said in a low voice. We stood there like that, and neither of us was sure what to do next. This was still weird for us, though it was so natural for us to feel this way. He was drawing circles on my hip with his index finger and I was still breathing in his closeness. I felt like bursting, like telling him I loved him, and I never wanted to leave his side again. But we both stayed quiet.

"Come for a drive with me." He suggested. He pulled back and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I nodded and stepped out of his arms, feeling cold without his arms around me. I picked up my books and walked to the passenger's seat.

"Nice car!" I exclaimed. I looked at it and it hit me. This was my car. Well, it was _his _car, but it was the same car I had wanted since I was born. It had the exact same chrome around the windows and every detail I had ever told Nathan about.

"Yeah... I was inspired." he smirked. We both got in the car and sped out of the parking lot.

* * *

We were driving down an old country-like road. He had the top down and I was resting my head on the soft seat. Both of us were quiet, exchanging glances here and there as the sky got darker. I was actually surprised with myself, at first I felt nervous when I saw Nathan, and all along things had been so natural between us, and after all this time, he made me nervous. He motioned for me to move over and sit in the middle by him. He flipped up the convertible seat in the middle and I moved over. My hands were shaking from being so close to him, and he noticed. He reached out and grabbed the hand that was next to him, and kissed the back of it. Then he left both of out hands fall together, onto his lap, our fingers intertwined. I couldn't help but stare at him, amazed that he was here with me.

The sky got darker and our fingers played with each other. He pulled into a familiar old road and the trees hung around us privately.

"What time do you have to be home?" He finally spoke up as he drove along the old abandoned path. He had put the top up now, and we were nuzzled together with his arm around my shoulders.

"Doesn't matter." I smiled. We came to the end of the path and he stopped the car, turning off the engine. He leaned back and pulled me closer to him, settling in comfortably. I tried to convince myself to relax, but I could still feel my body shaking. As I closed my eyes and felt Nathan's hand on my leg, smoothing it's way up, horrible visions of my drunken self, and Chris, flashed through my mind. I jumped a little as I felt Nathan's hands on me.

"Sorry..." He said in disappointment.

"No..." I sighed. "It's not you, I promise. It's okay." I assured him. He smiled at me and cupped his hands over mine to keep them from shaking. "How long are you home for?" I asked in a small, hopeful voice.

"I'm not sure... might not be long... depends on a lot of things." He actually blushed as I raised my hands to his face. Nathan Scott, bad-ass-Mr.-popularity, blushing because of me. There was a moment of silence, as he gently placed his hand on my lower back and laid me back on his seat. He leaned over me and smiled so perfectly, running is fingers along my cheek.

"I love you, Haley." he whispered. My heart raced, I had heard him say it over the phone before, and that had been enough. But now, seeing his lips move as he said it, seeing he way he was looking at me and feelings his pressed against me, it made my whole body shake.

I let out a silly sigh, "I love you too..." I seemed so desperate to say. He smiled and ran his thumb across my lips and then _finally _kissed my lips softly. It was so tender and refreshing. All those worries I had at first, and all the weirdness faded as the kiss stretched on. As he lifted my shirt of my head and I lifted his. He kissed my neck and our longing and need for each other grew as we went further and further. The inside of his dark car grew warmer and warmer as our bodies collided more and more. I never knew it was possible to want someone this much, to need them. But there we were, so in love that there was no way to hold us back now. We didn't know how much time we had, or what would happen next. He could be gone in a week, but I'd still have tonight. But what if he was gone in a week? What would I do then, there was no way I could get out now, I was in so far over my head. But it didn't matter in that moment, because all that mattered was we were finally together... and he loved me. God I love him...

_In this moment,  
Everything suddenly makes sense  
All the random pieces in my life are falling into place  
In an instant  
I am flying high and scared to death  
Coz I wonder if you feel it to  
I wanna be a part of you _

If it's goodbye now forever  
And I never get to see you again  
If it's the last kiss  
Before the world should end  
I wanna thank you for the night of my life  
Well this feeling  
Touch you and linger on your skin  
Or like a feather in the wind  
And blow away out into space  
Will my memory  
Haunt you and bring you back again  
And I wonder if you need me to  
Whether I'll be meeting you

If it's goodbye now forever  
And I never get to see you again  
If it's the last kiss  
Before the world should end  
I wanna thank you for the night of my life

Ohh  
Don't go away  
Stay with me and the sun will rise  
In your eyes I will be all you need

If it's goodbye now forever  
And I never get to see you again  
If it's the last kiss  
Before the world should end  
I wanna thank you for the night of my life

Thank you

* * *

Yeah, it was short but... thats the way the cookie crumbles...

Leave a review pretty please:)

Michelley P.


	16. Straightjacket Feeling

Here's another chapter. This one is kind of... unleashed. It's like it just goes deep into me and for those of you who know me, some may be offended, other's shocked. But this chapter is more real than anything I've been able to write. I'm not sure about the quality of the writing, but... it's real so... here you go guys... before I turn back.

Disclaimer: I Don't Own Any Part Of OTH... i think this disclaimer thing is just to rub it in our faces...lol

Michelley P.

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Straightjacket Feeling

Maybe some people just don't understand. It's like all you want to do is shake them and beat it into them. Everything is NOT okay, and ignoring it is NOT okay.

Brooke had her legs pulled to her chest as she sat on the bench outside the school. She was flicking through a magazine in her lap with her back against the table. She didn't even bother to look up and smile at me when I fell down beside her. I watched Nathan across the field as he hung out with my brother, and I closed my eyes happily to remember our night together. Brooke finally glanced over at me and then noticed me smiling at Nathan.

"Got _him_ on your mind again?" She said in an annoyed tone. I was a little surprised that she was acting like he was a terrible person. Maybe I did talk about him a lot, and spend a lot of time with him, but I couldn't help it. It seemed like Brooke didn't understand; I loved Nathan with every single bone in my body, and I _needed_ her to let me fall.

"Ummm..." I started, not sure what to say to her lately, "Yeah." I just simply said.

"Be careful Hales." She said in a small voice. I was glad that she wanted to protect me, but I didn't need it. No matter what happened I'd get through it. All of my life I was used to getting through this all alone, I wasn't quite sure if I was ready to let anyone do that for me.

"Brooke..." I started to try and explain myself.

"Anyways!" She cut in. I raised one eyebrow at her -or tried to at least, I was never good at that- and stared at her. She seemed to have so much hostility towards Nathan and I. Okay so she was _crazy_ about Lucas. But if Lucas Scott couldn't see through his own arrogant wall, she was better off with someone who could see her for who she was. Someone like Chase maybe? "I read your latest update on that site; your story. It was really great." She smiled. I smiled back, as if I could finally recognize her again.

"Thank you." I smiled proudly. My whole face felt like it was soon going to crack. Me. Smiling. All-The-Time. It was insane.

"I've had a few ideas for a story." She then added. I felt a small shiver go up my spine for what was to come, "I think I'll start writing." She grinned. I was dead panned. It wasn't that I wouldn't support her writing. But all of my life I've defined myself by my writing. It's who I've always been and the only thing I ever want to accomplish in life. If Brooke started doing the same, and getting known for it the way I was, I felt like maybe it wouldn't be _me_ anymore. It was a spotlight I'd have to share, and I wasn't ready to let go of that part of me just yet.

"Oh... cool." I choked out, trying to sound enthusiastic. Don't get me wrong, if Brooke could do this and be great, then I'd be more than happy for her, but where would that leave me?

"Yeah..." she just went back to her magazine as if writing wasn't a big deal. But for me it was. So maybe this is how it goes. Maybe once one part of your life gets good, the other _has_ to crash, just to keep it all in balance. I sighed and glanced at Brooke. Things sure were getting weird since Nathan and I got together but it seemed like she couldn't even see it. At all.

* * *

"That'll be six-ninety seven please." I said in a monotone voice at work. I placed the plate down on the counter and waited to receive the money from the customer.

"Hales!" Chase was out of breath as he fell into the stool in front of me. I jammed the money into the cash and stared at him in annoyance.

"What?" I snapped. I didn't mean to sound like such a bitch, but I was having a terrible day after being so stressed about Brooke. I could feel that feeling in my stomach again, the one I used to have when Nathan had just left. The one that told me I was about to lose something.

"Geesh." He sighed. He grabbed a fry from the plate I was eating my own food from. I sat down for a break. "Not very busy here today?" He said looking around at the empty booths.

"No idiot... can you _see_ anyone?" I snapped again. Yeah, I'm an idiot.

"What's wrong, Haley?" He actually looked concern, and he was the first person to look that way.

I shook my head, "Just... Brooke I guess." I admitted for the first time.

"That's what I came to talk to you about." I rolled my eyes, of course he did. Anytime anyone ever wanted to talk to me, it was about her. Or it involved her. I really didn't feel like I was my own person anymore. "She won't even talk to me anymore." He whined.

"Yeah... well you told her how you felt and now she's all... you know." I sighed, "You know she's still hung up on Lucas."

"He doesn't even notice her. And he has a girlfriend." Chase tried to justify. I just shook my head. "Haley... what's up with you?" He seemed concerned again.

"Nothing." I said in a whisper again.

"I've never seen anyone look so broken." He said sadly. And he was right. But I wasn't sure why. I had Nathan and I should be happy. But the further along my life went, the harder things seemed. The more things I got that I had wanted, the more consequences came from them. My whole heart felt swollen. I dropped the fry I was eating and ran to the bathroom, letting everything I had eaten in what felt like the last year, pour out of me.

"Haley?" Another voice called. Lucas rushed in and held my hair back. "Man Hales, what's going on?"

"I'm sick..." I simply muttered. He sat there with me for the next few minutes as I leaned against the bathroom wall and cried miserably. Though I had _nothing_ to cry over. I felt like a drama queen. Just as things got good and normal I found away to turn them around on myself. "What's wrong with me?" I cried into Lucas's shoulder. He seemed just as afraid as I was. I'm sure he had _no_ idea what was wrong with me. But something was.

* * *

"Hey baby..." His sweet voice echoed in my ear. I let it surround me through the phone as I lay in bed after vomiting again that night.

"Hi." I simply answered.

"Are you okay?" He mumbled. I hated those words more than anything. Because as soon as someone asked you, it made everything _not_ okay. I just wanted to break down again. But David was pacing the house, worried about me. And I couldn't let him see me so weak.

"I'm fine." I whined. "I wish everyone would stop asking me that."

"Sorry." He winced. "Haley?"

"Uh huh."

"I have to tell you something. I don't think we're going to be able to go any further than we are, until we get this out in the open." I caught my breath, terrified of what he'd say. _Any further?_ As if we could go further than we have.

"What is it?" I tried to sound cool and casual.

"Remember that fight I got in?" He started.

"Oh god. Don't say it Nathan." I pleaded with him.

"Yeah... I'm sorry. But I _was_ with her." He said very abruptly, as if it just didn't matter. God Nathan!! IT MATTERED! "Haley, I'm sorry."

"Don't say you're sorry." I said with a quivering lip.

"What?" He seemed confused.

"Just don't... say anything." And then I hung up. My stomach felt like it had been ripped out. That was him, Nathan Scott, the only person I'd ever really love, and the only person who had the ability to pull the rug out from under me, just when I found a solid ground. I sat on top of my bed with my head in my arms wrapped around my knees. Crying harder but quieter than I ever had. It was like everything was pouring out at once, even as I once more tried to hold it inside. I felt trapped inside my own world. There seemed to be so much I wanted to reach for, but my arms were held inside a straightjacket. It was like that song, straightjacket feeling:

_Back me down from backing up  
Hold your breath now it's stacking up  
Etched with marks, but I can deal  
And you're the problem and you can't feel  
Try this on, straightjacket feeling  
so maybe I won't be alone  
Take back now, my life you're stealing_

_Trust you is just one defence  
Off a list of others, you don't make sense  
Beg me time and time again  
to take you back now, but you can't win  
Take back now, my life you're stealing_

I just can't seem to get to that chorus, the one I need in order to be happy again:

_Yesterday was hell  
But Today I'm fine without you  
Runaway this time without you  
And all I ever thought you would be  
That face is tearing holes in me, _

but today I'm fine without youRunaway this time without you  
And all the things you put me through  
I'm holding on by letting go of you

* * *

Alritey.. there it was... review please... everyone.. please :)

Michelley P.


	17. Tough Is

This is another really important chapter... and uh? Why did things get complicated? That's just how it happens right?? so here you go guys...

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: Tough Is...

Lucas stared at me as I sat quietly on the couch with my hands between my hands. He leaned in and put his arm around me and squeezed my shoulders gently.

"Please smile." He whispered as he kissed my temple. I glanced at him and saw his chin quiver. I just shook my head and dared not to look at him. I shuddered a cold breath and replayed Nathan's words over and over in my head.

"What can I do?" He tried again. I finally looked him in the eye and shrugged. The look in his eye made me feel a little better, as if knowing that someone still cared calmed me. I leaned back on the couch and shivered, I was still staring him in the eye, searching for an answer as to why my life had become such a mess. He leaned back with me and I made myself comfortable by laying my head in his lap.

"Do you remember how close we were when we were little?" I finally spoke. I had been so distant all day, that my own voice sounded unfamiliar.

"Of course." He smiled. He was wrapping a strand of my hair around his finger but even the feeling of being so close to my all time best friend, didn't change that feeling I had. It was like I wasn't even in my own skin, as if I had been separated. Like I didn't exist at all.

"I miss that." I nodded.

"We're still close." He seemed to laugh a little, but there was something in his voice as well, maybe something I had missed for so long. I couldn't help but wonder if I had fell so far away from who I was, that I couldn't see that Lucas was having his own problems. In that moment I felt so selfish.

"Not like before. Things were so simple then, weren't they?" My voice was high and I felt like I was soon going to choke on my tears.

"Yeah..." He said in a small, quiet voice, "They were."

"Are you okay?" I got up and sat close to him. He just shrugged and smiled a little.

"I think I should go. Your parents will soon be home, and my mom's waiting for me." He seemed to be avoiding the question.

"Lucas!" I stopped him as he stood up, "What's going on?"

"Nothing Haley, It's okay really... don't worry about me." He stopped for a second and look me straight in the eye, and there was a small flicker in his that stopped my breath. There was a look in his eyes that scared me, not in a dangerous way... but it scared me. He leaned in and kissed my cheek and then walked down the stairs. I just stood there and listened to the door shut quietly downstairs.

* * *

"I feel like I've been selfish." I muttered as I walked down the road with Bevin. She looked at me and shrugged, then shook her head. I hadn't noticed how pretty she was before, but she was glowing today, in a way I had never seen her.

"No you haven't," She smiled. She had her hands jammed in her coat pocket and it was so cold out that we could see our breath. "So Luke didn't tell you what else was wrong?" She laughed as she spoke and I didn't understand what was so funny.

"Nope, nothing." She laughed again and then pulled me into a hug. "What's so funny?" I whined.

"You're so blind." She giggled. I stopped walking and stared at her. "What?" I think she was expecting me to laugh with her but I couldn't, I couldn't laugh or smile anymore. "Hales... Nathan's a jerk, and I hate the way you're tearing yourself apart over him."

"I'm not! None of you guys get it!" I knew that I probably sounded over-dramatic and stupid, but it was how I felt, as if no one understood why I was so upset about this. "I think that you guys all think this was some stupid crush or something! But it's _not!_" I blew up.

"I know!" She rushed over close to me and hugged me tight. The sun was bright even though it was so cold and we were in a small area of Tree Hill where only the young people went because it was so abandoned.

"Am I supposed to still love him?" I cried into her shoulder.

"Yes." She whispered. I pulled away and looked at her, "Haley you don't seem like yourself anymore."

"I'm not." I answered her. We sat over on a big rock and I tried so hard to relax. She rubbed my back as I began to speak, "All I want is answers." I whispered.

"Haley..." We were interrupted by the sound of footsteps behind us. Peyton walked around us and I stood up to face her. Her face was red and angry and I was actually somewhat afraid of her.

"I saw you guys come out here... and I was just talking to Brooke." She spat out. She put her hands on her hips, causing her dark band sweater to twist around her hips. _Brooke._ I caught my breath in my throat. She was just talking to Brooke? Why?

"Why were you talking to Brooke?" Bevin asked defensively, not understand how Brooke could make friends with my worst enemy. If she had exactly made friends with her.

"Well, since Brooke's best friend hasn't really been around for her lately, she had to turn to me I guess." She raised her eyebrows as if she had won a battle.

"What the hell do you want?" I squeaked, not wanting to face the fact that I was letting Brooke slip away.

Bevin stood up next to me and wiped off her jeans. "I want you to grow the fuck up." She spat out. "I know _exactly_ how Brooke feels. You _always_ do this. You push your friends away when things get 'tough'." She said, making the air quotations. "When you're spoiled rotten and don't even know what tough is!"

I stepped forward and I could feel myself getting angrier the longer she stood there. "I did not push you away! YOU! You treated me like shit! And I was sick of taking it. And I _do_ know what tough is!" I felt my tears boiling on my cheeks, but I wasn't about to stop now, as everything was flowing out of me. "Tough? Tough is living in a house where no one knows you. Where you practically have to raise your _older_ brother because your sister screwed everything up so bad your parents don't have time to. Tough is listening to your parents cry because your sister won't talk to them and she's screwing her life up so bad. And it's when your biggest fear is turning out JUST.LIKE.HER! And disappointed your parents anymore than you already have." I began to sob hard but still couldn't stop, "It's when you fall in love _so_ bad and then your boyfriend cheats on you with a girl whose name he can't remember. Tough is _knowing_ you're depressed because of everything that has happened but being to afraid to tell anyone. Tough is having to face the day knowing that your best friend is slipping away and wondering if you actually want it back, because you have never felt good enough to be around her. And tough? Tough is having to keep this all in because no one expects you to be weak, and too many people are depending on you to be strong." I shook and fell back down to the rocks.

"I think you should leave." Bevin dared Peyton. Peyton was staring at me with tears in her eyes as I sat below them sobbing. "Now." Bevin told her again. Peyton nodded and walked away, looking back at me once in shock. There it was, Haley James caved in and the secret was out, she wasn't as perfect as everyone thought she was.

Bevin sat down next to me and I could see tears rolling down her cheeks. "I didn't know... about your parents or your sister or your... depression." She seemed to be sitting further away from me, as if she was afraid to burn me with a touch, like I may fall apart.

"It's fine." I whispered.

"You still love him?" She asked in a more optimistic voice. I looked at her and nodded. "Well, people make mistakes Haley, but I've seen the way he looks at you, and I know Nathan. He loves you so much Hales. I know he hurt you but if you love him, and with everything you've been through maybe you should just do something for yourself. Like, give him another chance, and give yourself a chance to be happy."

"Maybe, I don't know." I sniffed. Honestly, I felt good. So much better now that all of this was lifted from my chest. "Bevin?"

"Hmm?"

"What were you laughing at earlier?" I smiled slightly, wanting to forget everything that had just happened. She laughed again and pulled me into her shoulder. "You said I was blind, about what?" I whined.

"Lucas... he's just..." She shrugged, "Crazy about you." I looked at her with big eyes and couldn't help but finally laugh.

"Yeah... right." I chuckled. I sniffed and then stood up to walk again. She stood with me and we walked back the way we came.

"I'm serious." Bevin tried to convince me. I began to jog ahead of her, as if the place we were in was now contaminated with all of those emotions. I looked back and shrugged at her as she tried to catch up, "Wait! I'm not in shape!" She laughed as she legged behind.

* * *

Review please... 


	18. Nine Crimes

Hello... though what happens in this chapter didn't happen... i just couldn't help it... can't make you guys wait because I'm waiting right? lol.. so here you go guys...

Michelley P.

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Nine Crimes

I never thought it would feel good to cry. I just felt that sitting there, the more that I cried the easier it got, as if this huge weight had been lifted from me. I sat on the floor against my bed, on yet another Saturday night. I wiped away a lonely, stranded tear and with my knees at my chest, I thought about my life. So I screwed up. Big time. And I'm not sure where I did it, but that doesn't really matter anymore does it? I was ready to fix this now, all of it.

So my sister screwed up too. A little more drastically, and more frequently, but hey, shit happens. Just because she hurt my family so much, did that mean I would too. Each day I could feel myself getting more and more like her, but the rest is up to me, right? Why not be someone different for once?

And my brother was being an overwhelmingly-self-centered-jerk. Couldn't he see that sister had her heart broken here? Why should I feel bad because he's too good to let go of his stupid pride and realize that I love Nathan!

Brooke. They say you only have one best friend in your life. And Brooke's been great but, after getting reconnected with Bevin, would it be so bad to realize that she had been it all along? My best friend? Would that make me a completely terrible person?

And then there's Nathan. Maybe he's just like me. Maybe he just screwed up too. I know exactly how it feels to love someone it scares you, and maybe even makes you run away a little? So he cheated on me, and he hurt me really bad. But what does that change? How we feel? No, not really, I still love him so much that sometimes it takes my breath away.

* * *

I squeezed my arms against my body as I walked down the empty street. There was a glowing street light in the distance and it outlined a small basketball court that looked old and worn down. On the court was a lonely figure, dribbling the ball and shooting, only to miss. I sighed, feeling bad for the guy. He looked as sad as I felt. But instead of continuing on my walked, I sat down on a small bench, not daring to go near that court just yet. Anything relating to Nathan hurt me, and until I figured out how to deal with all of this, I wanted to spare myself the pain.

I shivered as the small breeze went through my thin sweater. What had I been thinking? Coming outside on a night like this with only my simple light spring sweater on. I guess I wasn't thinking at all. I closed my eyes and automatically saw Nathan. Yeah, there he was. He was standing tall with a basketball under his arm, smiling his gorgeous smile at me. I smiled to myself at his image and sighed. God I loved him so much.

I opened my eyes and looked back over at the court where that guy was still playing. This stranger still reminded me so much of Nathan, and no matter how much Nathan hurt me over the past few months, it was comforting to have the slightest memory of him there on that night; cold and dark. It was sad though, I felt as though Nathan were gone again, when he was actually just a few miles down the road.

_**Leave me out with the waste  
This is not what I do  
It's the wrong kind of place  
To be thinking of you  
It's the wrong timeFor somebody new  
It's a small crime  
And I've got no excuse**_

The guy on the court missed the net again and dropped his head in self-disgust. I got up and began to walk towards him, his silhouette becoming more clear as I got closer. He seemed to be just as troubled as I was, and I was hoping to maybe just talk to him, hear someone else's story for once. Then from the corner of the road a petit figure appeared. She walked up to him and laid her hands on his chest, then pressing herself against him. I smiled, happy that this stranger had someone; unlike me. It was crazy, but I was happy for someone whose face I hadn't even seen before. Small tears trickled from my eyes again, and wouldn't stop. I missed Nathan, I needed Nathan. No matter what he did, I still needed him. No matter how much I tried to deny it, I needed him.

The boy took the girl's hands and threw them off of his chest, pushing her away from him. But still this girl insisted on being near him. It was like they were in a small war with each other, and it seemed sweet. I walked closer and noticed how the boy just didn't want to be around the girl. I felt bad for the girl at first. But then I noticed how she was laughing, as if it wasn't serious. She wasn't crying or she didn't seem to need him desperately. She was just throwing herself at him, and he resisted. So much for a war of love. But I admired that stranger, for resisting her charm and the girl... I just laughed at her. Then at myself, for going into such depth over two strangers.

Strangers? No. The girl disappeared and I saw a very familiar image as I got closer. Nathan stood there with his hands on his knees, and his back shook as if he were sobbing. I wanted to turn around, or stop walking at least, but I couldn't. I kept walking, but slowly, until his full figure became clear. He fell to the ground and rested his head in his hands, basketball wedged between his ankles. Who was the girl? The one from the bar? Had she come here?

His head turned at the sound of my footsteps, and I finally stopped. Nathan didn't wipe a lonely tears from his eyes, he just put his head down and shook it sadly. The street light shown down on him in an orange glow and everything seemed so surreal. I walked over to the picnic table beside the court and sat down, just staring at him. Something inside of me was telling me to leave; he was hurting and he deserved it. But I couldn't. There was something beautiful in the way he was sitting on the cold ground, slumped over and looking at me from the corner of his eye.

Maybe he was expecting me to leave soon too, but we both sat there in silence, overwhelmed by the feelings that could be expressed without any expressions at all. Finally, he got up silently, and let his basketball roll across the slanted court. He came over and sat next to me, but there was still a huge distance between us. I shivered, and he reached to the back of the table and rested his zip-up sweater onto my shoulders. There was a sweet scent of his cologne floating into my senses which made me teary eyed again.

"You really sucked." I laughed as I wiped away a tear. He stared at me, and I nodded towards the court in a small sort of explanation.

"Oh..." he laughed, "Yeah, I've sort of - lost my talent." He whispered. Once more he didn't speak, and just sitting there with him was terrifying. I felt a lump rise in my throat as he moved a little closer to me. Why wasn't he talking to me? Why wasn't he trying to make me understand? Why wasn't he even trying? I couldn't stop the tears from falling. But they felt refreshing yet again. I could feel a weird happiness, like things were getting better, even though I was still hurting.

"I heard you've been sick lately." He finally stammered. I nodded silently and held my breath to hold back the sobs. "Why?"

"Just..." I wondered.. Why? "Kind of stressed and stuff." I admitted. He looked at me with surprise. Yes, Haley James fell off of her pedestal. And might I say, she landed hard. I wondered what he was thinking. Did he think I was weak or something?

"I'm sorry." He finally sighed.

"That girl really wanted you." I laughed, trying to make a joke of it. I didn't expect myself to bring her up, but maybe deep down, somewhere inside of my cold body, I wanted answers.

"Who?" He seemed surprised, "Brooke?" He gestured towards the space where the girl had been standing. I shot him a look of disgust, my mouth gaped open.

"That was..." I tried to catch my breath, "B- Brooke?" I questioned. His shoulders slumped in disappointment, I guess he didn't know that I didn't see her face.

"Sorry... again." He shook his head in disgust of himself. I was still shocked as more of those tears came. They'd soon be all gone, I knew. And though it hurt that Brooke had thrown herself at the boy she _knew_ I loved, it was sort of another weight lifted. I knew who my real friends were now. "Why are you crying?" Nathan moaned in sadness. He seemed just as depressed as I was as he finally sild into the small distance between us. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I flinched beneath his grip. I just shook my head.

**_Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright?  
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it  
Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright  
Is that alright with you?_**

"You know..." he started again, "I didn't mean to hurt you." There it was, he brought it up. Us. The truth was, ever since I saw him, I wanted to talk about us. I wanted to work it out and be happy again. But I was way too afraid to be hurt again, any more than I already was.

"I know." I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat, which hurt as it resisted going down.

"Are you still mad at me." He leaned over and looked into my eyes, and I saw that his were just as tear-filled as mine were.

"Yes." I nodded again. His shoulders fell and he sighed.

"Do you still love me?" He tried again. I stared at him, wondering what he was expecting from my answer. A different kind than the last. He wasn't getting it.

"Yes." I nodded, this time with a loud sob. My shoulders shook as he pulled me into his chest. I heard him let out a sob with me. I saw the tears in his eyes but I figured he'd hold them back to protect his pride. I was wrong, God! Was I ever wrong. There he was, Nathan Scott, letting down that wall he'd always put up, just for me. He kissed my temple and held me tighter. I wasn't cold anymore, and these tears felt good again. They were almost all gone, I could feel myself tipping to empty. I felt so good.

"I'm _so_ sorry Haley." He mumbled into my hair. I nodded and kept my face against his chest. Then I pulled back and let the sobs flow out.

"Why didn't you call? Why didn't you try to get me back?" I yelled. I stood up, but kept his sweater around my shoulders, as a way to hold onto him while I pushed him away. I wasn't planning on pushing him fully away, but I _needed_ him to know how much he hurt me, just so that he wouldn't do it again.

"I did call!" He objected. He stood up in front of me stepped towards me, but I backed away. "David wouldn't let me talk to you." He explained. I couldn't help but smile a little, David had been acting like he didn't want anything to do with me, and he had been secretly protecting me all along?

"But that's it?" I yelled again, "You gave up?"

"I was giving you your space!" He made it seem so simple.

"And what the hell was that with Brooke?" I heard myself screaming, and wanted to lower my voice, but I couldn't.

He sighed, as if he didn't want to say it and hurt me again, "She's been calling lately, and she's been around and she wanted me to..." His voice trailed off but I knew what he was trying to say. I looked at him in shock, feeling so hurt and betrayed, "But I didn't! Haley I don't want anyone but you!" he finally yelled back at me.

"What about that bar slut?" I shot at him. He was quiet for a second, and shook his head.

"I can't make any excuses for that. It was a mistake and I'm sorry." He said simply.

_**Leave me out with the waste  
This is not what I do  
It's the wrong kind of place  
To be cheating on you  
It's the wrong time  
but she's pulling me through  
It's a small crime  
And I've got no excuse**_

"I was here." I started, "And I was alone and you knew how things were with my parents and Peyton and everyone else. And you were the _one.good.thing. _I had." I cried, "You were ALL I HAD! And I missed you..." I couldn't help but step towards him and stand close enough to almost feel him again. Finally I rested my face in his chest and continued as he held me tight, "I missed you so much. And I needed you. And I loved you." I heard him draw back a breath as I said it. Loved. As in past tense. Though I had already told him I still loved him, I knew he was afraid I had somehow changed my mind on that one. "I _love_ you." I said to him.

I looked up at him and after placing my arms inside his sweater completely, rather than letting it rest on my shoulders, I put my hands on his face. "I missed you then, and I still miss you now." I whispered.

"You don't have to!" He whispered into my face as he placed his forehead against mine. "I'm right here. Just give me another chance." He pleaded. I stared in his eyes, wondering if I should trust him again. Then finally, without any other way of communication left, I plunged up and kissed him hard on the mouth, my need and desperation for him pouring out. He was shocked at first and then finally wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tight. He leaned away from me and wiped the last remaining tear away from my eye. The last one.

"I love you." he whispered. I nodded and smiled.

"I love you too." Then once more I leaned up and kissed him, this time slowly and tenderly, savoring each moment.

* * *

there you go.. wat did you think???

leave one pelase!

Michelley P.


	19. Falling For You

Hello! Okay, so mark this as a turn in the events of all time! This is a chapter which is NOT sad... theres a small glimpse but generally.. its a happy chapter... so here you go... read and enjoy!

Michelley P.

* * *

Chapter Eighteen: Falling For You

There's a certain peace that comes with things being so stable. It's like, even if like turns around on you right now, it'll be okay, because you've finally found that one person who will hold you up when you're falling. That's how I felt. I had Nathan now. He was mine and I had never been happier. So the thing with Brooke, it was a disappointment. But that didn't hurt me as much as I expected it to. Was that a terrible thing? Was I a horrible person for still being happy, even though the person I thought was my best friend: wasn't. Maybe I had been wrong all along. Maybe I was so confused and depressed, that I didn't see that my best friends were the people who have been there from the beginning: Bevin, Faith, Lucas and Nathan. They were the people who really mattered. And at this point in my life, nothing else matters.

I sat at my computer desk and tapped my fingers on the keyboard. What to write? This was a new development for me. Usually my updates were sad and depressing. But now the only thing that was depressing was that I had an update due, and I was about to waste an incredibly perfect day if I didn't find something to submit soon. I sighed and began to write, trying to slap something together as quickly as I could. I thought back to yesterday in school, wondering if a particular scene would have any inspiration.

_"Haley!" Brooke yelled. I slammed my locker shut and rolled my eyes. I had had an amazing weekend and frankly, she was the last person I wanted to see at this point. She was charging up the hallway and her chin was quivering._

_"Not now Brooke." I muttered, turning to walk away from her._

_"I'm sorry Haley..." She whined. I began to walk again._

_"Save it..." I snapped, "I don't want to hear your shit."_

_"You don't want to hear my shit?" Brooke yelled down the hall. Everyone was staring at us, and I really couldn't care less, "What happened was partially your fault you know!"_

_I turned back and looked at her, and I couldn't help but laugh, "You hit on my boyfriend, and that's my fault how?" I put my hands on my hips and raised my eyebrow suggestively, waiting for her to respond._

_"Nathan loves you so much, and you pushed him away. I've been in love with Lucas from day one! And Lucas loves you!" Brooke tried to explain, "You really didn't know how lucky you were, and you threw it away anyways. I just... I wanted to know what it was like... to have everyone love you, and not even care!" She sighed and stared at me, as if this would make things all better._

_"There's no logic in that... whatsoever. You know that right?" I snapped again. Then I turned and walked down the hall, where I met up with Nathan._

_"You okay?" He asked as he put his forehead on mine. I think maybe he was afraid that I'd be angry at him again for the Brooke thing. Afraid that Brooke bringing it up again would hurt me once more, and I'd blame him ro push him away just like she said. But first of all, I didn't want to push him away, ever. And secondly, I didn't want to prove Brooke right, ever. So I leaned up and gave him a quick kiss and nodded, as I laid my head on his chest and watched Brooke stalk down the hall to talk to Peyton. Betrayal number two by Brooke Davis. _

"Haley!" His voice yelled from my porch, "What are you doing? Come on!" He urged me. I smiled at the way he sounded, trying his best to sound angry but his voice was so sweet and perfect. Isn't it weird that when you're happy, these are the kind of things you notice. It's weird how you can become so happy that everything seem perfect and beautiful. I'm sure that at this point if the sky were to burst open violently, and lightning filled the room I'd just stare at it, mesmerized with how beautiful the bright lights were.

"Haley..." Nathan said again. He peered in through my door and smiled at me, breathing heavily from rushing in to get me.

"Yeah?" I smiled back, broken from my thoughts. He glanced at my computer and shook his head as he smiled.

"Come on... everyone's leaving." I stared at him, and he must of thought I was crazy because I felt like smiling was an infectious disease of mine now.

"Um..." I tried to speak again, "Yeah." I finally said. I turned off the monitor of my computer and laughed at how pathetic I was. I've known Nathan all my life and he still manages to have this power over me. I couldn't even speak in full sentences around him sometimes. It's just sometimes so hard to make a conversation with him, when he's taking my breath away. Corny and weird I know, but at that point I couldn't help it. He was Nathan Scott, and he was perfect, and he was mine.

I walked towards him and grabbed my knapsack along the way, giving him a quick kiss as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, leaving a blank chapter still waiting to be written on my computer.

* * *

"JUMP!" Bevin screamed. She laughed and waded around in the water as I held onto the tree I was standing on tightly.

"No! I'm scared!" I whined. I glanced down beneath me where the water was glistening. Nathan swam over closer to the tree I was standing in, and then finally walked in shore.

We were all fooling around on this outrageously abnormal hot day, in a pond over the hills in Tree Hill. Our parents didn't know we came here, if they did they'd kill us. It was said to be the most dangerous ponds around, due to the number of drop offs, complimented with extremely deep water. But we've been coming here for years behind their backs, and haven't found a drop off yet.

I shut my eyes tight and wiggled on the wide tree branch. They were still screaming at me from below, to jump in like they all had. Once more I peered down, to see Skills with his arms wrapped around Bevin's waste and pulling her underwater to her surprise. I smiled, this was exactly how everything should be. Just like this, with Nathan, Bevin, Skills, Faith and her boyfriend Jesse, and Lucas, here with me. Just like when we were kids. Except for the fact that when were kids half of us weren't making out. Oh, who am I kidding, yes we were.

"Are you going to jump?" A voice whispered into my ear. I looked back to see that Nathan had climbed up and was standing behind me, with the result of some gross looking scratches on his forearm.

"I'm scared." I whispered back. He laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist. I was still holding on tight to the tree branch above me, but leaned back so that our faces were touching.

"I love you... you know that right?" He smiled sweetly as he kissed my temple. I nodded and closed my eyes. I loved being this close to him, even if we were stuck in a tree which was very high above a huge body of deep water. I caught my breath again as I looked down. "Do you trust me?"

That was actually a really big question for us. He had cheated on my, and broke my heart more than once. And here we were, on what felt like to me, the line between life and death, and I had to decide, do I trust him again? Or is it too soon?

"Do you?" He questioned again, startled at my hesitation. He squeezed my waist tighter.

"Yeah..." I finally answered, "I trust you." He smiled and seemed to blush, but turned his head before I could tell. Then when he finally looked back at me, he leaned in slowly and kissed me. It was the slowest, calmest kiss I've ever experienced. And while I was kissing him, I couldn't help but laugh into his mouth, this was perfect. I felt him shift his feet, and never really realized what he was doing until we shifted further and I screamed. We were falling, it was a long way and all while he kept his arms around me protectively. I laughed and held onto him even tighter. Then finally, we hit the water with a huge splash.

I swam to the surface of the water, right next to him as everyone cheered, happy to see that I had finally, for the first time in the two or three years we'd been swimming there, jumped off of the tree. I hit Nathan playfully and he laughed. Hugging me again. I hugged him back, and then dunked him under the water.

For the rest of that day, we all swam around in the pond. Laughing and having fun. For the first time in ages, none of us were stressed out with school or each other. We were just as teenagers should be. Happy and carefree, and in love.

* * *

There ya go. What did you think? Review pplease:)

Michelley P.


	20. No Future

Hey guys... i know it's been a long time.. I'm sorry.. i was very preoccupied because... dum dum dum... HE CAME HOME:) though he didn't stay:( but he was home all the same.. for my birthday.. it was awesome... anways... here's the next chapter... read and try to enjoy... the least you can do is try:P

Michelley P.

Chapter 19: No Future

"I heard he's cheating on her again." A girl in the hall whispered as I walked past. She stared at me while the girl she was talking to stood there with her mouth gaped open. Everyone was staring at me, which I would have usually thought of as just lame old highschool, but there was something new today, something so new but so old. I just rolled my eyes and kept walking towards my locker.

"I heard she's sleeping with Chris..." Chris who? I couldn't hear the last part of her sentence, because she stopped as soon as she caught me glaring at her. Her and her friends then all giggled and dashed down the hall.

I fiddled with the lock on my locker but gave up in a frustrated sigh. Brooke was standing next to her own locker, right next to mine, and she laughed and walked away with Peyton. I tried my lock again. 22...23...33... no such luck. Letting it fall harshly against my locker I groaned.

"Oh for God's sakes come here!" Bevin laughed. She expertly flicked the lock around and then opened it. She leaned back against Brooke's locker and bit her lip with seriousness, "Did you hear?" She swallowed hard, which made me nervous.

"That Nathan's cheating on me? Or that I'm sleeping with some Chris guy?" I rolled my eyes and gave a sarcastic smile, "What the hell is going on here today?"

"Some Chris guy huh?" Bevin gave me a sad look, "How many Chris guys do you know?"

"Keller?" I said in a whisper... no need for anymore rumors to spread, "but he isn't even around here anymore... I mean... he left..."

"He's back...and..." Bevin must have noticed me staring down the hall, because she stopped talking and looked over her shoulder. I stared down the hall, past the image of Lucas and Brooke flirting like crazy, but at the person standing next to him. Of course, he wasn't holding any books. He just had his hands shoved into his pockets in the pathetic way he always did, that way that drove me insane.

"Why is he here?" I whined... afraid that all hell was going to break loose. A girl walked up next to him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"I don't know... but apparently..." Bevin said as Chris leaned down and kissed the girl, not once breaking eye contact with me, "He's in love." She stifled a laugh, but I kept staring at Chris. I knew that he was not going to make things easy for Nathan and I, girlfriend or not.

* * *

A small knock came on my door that night, and I watched as Nathan tip-toed in and climbed in front of me, under the covers. He kissed my forehead and smiled down at me, running his thumb along my chin.

"Here again on a school night?" I laughed. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled myself in close to him, taking in the smell of his cologne.

"Yeah... we're just lucky that you're family is filled with dead sleepers." he laughed back. He leaned down and kissed me again, this time on the mouth, slowly and sweetly.

"You think David realizes that every night when you're hear hanging out with him, you sneak up here with me?"

"I'm still alive, so probably not." I could feel him smiling, with his eyes closed. I snuggled into him and let out a deep sigh. Obviously things were still fine between Nathan and I, which meant that either he didn't hear the rumors about us, or he didn't care.

"I sent my application in for Memorial today." I whispered. I felt him tense up and then heard him sigh sadly. "Nathan..."

"That's awesome... Hales..." he interrupted me, "I'm sure you'll get in." He whispered back. He tried his hardest to act like he meant it but I knew he was really disappointed.

"Nathan..." I moaned. I boosted myself up onto my elbow and looked at him through the darkness of my room, "What about you? What are you going to do?"

"You know what I'm going to do!" He complained, "I'm going back to Charlotte, getting my own place and going back to work."

" And that's it?" I almost yelled, but hushed my voice before I could, "And what about us then?" He was rubbing his finger along my back which always calmed me down when I was beginning to get mad a him. I probably should have stopped him and tried to work this out normally, without such a distraction, but I loved the heat from his fingers on my back.

"It _can_ be worked out... you can just come with me!" he justified.

"I've always wanted to go to Memorial. You know that! I'm going there! You can't even consider getting a job closer to L.A.? You can get the same kind of job and-"

"No." he said roughly. I was caught off-guard by his stern voice. "I can't... It's already decided that I'm going to Charlotte."

"Why?" I asked stubbornly.

"Because my mom is there, and my brother and my other family. That's just... where I'm going." I didn't speak, just stared at him in surprise at how he didn't even seem to want to work around this, "Haley... baby, I'm sorry... there's a branch of Memorial around Charlotte too, come there. I'm sorry I swear, and I do want us to be able to work this out. But we really don't know where we're going to be by the time that happens."

"I want to go to _the_ Memorial, just like I always planned to. And wait... what are you talking about. It's only a few more months, where do you expect us to be then? Broken up?"

"No! I mean... I'm not saying we won't be or I don't want us to be... but I'm just saying that we shouldn't go making plans..." I was shocked. I had made plans. I planned to be with Nathan, not matter what odds were against us. But now, the greatest odd of all was against us, Nathan. I kicked Nathan under the covers which made him fall out of the bed with surprise. He jumped up and stood above me. "I think you should leave... just go downstairs..." I mumbled as I turned my back on him.

"Haley!" He objected, realizing he just dug a deep hole for himself.

"Nathan... just go." I felt him standing there for awhile, wondering whether or not he should listen to me. And then he leaned in and kissed my cheek, and I heard him leave the room, quietly shutting my door behind him. And then I couldn't help but wonder if he could taste the tears on his lips from my cheek.

* * *

I leaned on Lucas's shoulder and sniffled into his shirt, "Hales, that's disgusting!" He said quietly. I laughed through a small amount of tears and did it again, this time louder and making gross noises. He laughed and nudged me, then looked at me more seriously. "So he doesn't think you'll be together?"

"Apparently not..." I sighed, wishing that I could get the thought out of my mind.

"I don't believe it." He simply said.

"Neither do I..." I whispered back. "This week is starting off really crappy. Nathan and I have been through so much, and now it's like all of a sudden he's just giving up. Just like that."

"Has he been talking to Chris?" Lucas suggested.

"I don't know. But I wasn't with Chris so what difference would that make?" I sat up and looked at him, realizing that Chris may have been the problem. Though if he was, than it's sad that Nathan couldn't even fight for it.

"Chris is a good liar. We all know that." I nodded and realized that he was probably right. But I really didn't know what Chris could have said to make Nathan so unsure about our future.

You say its nothing personal  
As you break out and you lay out youre whole arsenal  
I fell hard for you  
I count scars from you  
You play with my life  
And I pay with my life

Everything keeps telling me to run away  
Now you own me  
Everything keeps telling me to run run run  
I never listen  
Now you own me, now you own me

I hate it how I let it control me from so far away  
I cant wait for the day  
You wont be able to say  
That you made me pay  
With these words that you use  
And the things that you say  
You whisper in my ear  
You bring me to tears

Everything keeps telling me to run away  
Now you own me  
Everything keeps telling me to run run run  
I never listen  
Now you own me

* * *

There you go.. what did you think...? Review please? Pretty Please?

Michelley P.


	21. Afraid

Hello Guys! Here's another chapter... number twenty... I still have a lot of storyline left to this one... a lot of things that need to be resolved before it can end, and some of it is going to be difficult to develop so I hope you can hang in there with me:) i'll do my best to keep it interesting:P so anyways, here you go! Enjoy!

Michelley P.

Chapter 20: Afraid

I folded my arms, unfolded them, and folded them again. I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to steady my breathing. I've never been one to act on impulse, but here I was, standing on Chris Keller's front steps. It had been only five seconds since I knocked on his door and I was already infuriated from being in such proximity to anything that belonged to him. I watched as he peeked out the window and winked at me. Rolling my eyes, I shifted my weight to the other foot and waited for him to open the door.

"I was wondering when you'd finally come around." He smirked.

"What the hell did you say to Nathan?" I spat at him. He had that annoying grin on his face that made me want to punch him. He folded his arms on his chest the same way I had, so I unfolded mine and he laughed.

"Nathan?" he laughed again, "I haven't even seen him, how is he doing anyways?" He smiled. I just raised one eyebrow at him and shook my head in annoyance.

"Nice try..." I said lowly, "I know you said something to him, I'm not stupid."

"You had a chance to get freaky with the Keller and didn't, that calls for pretty stupid if you asked me." He grinned his self-righteous grin.

"You're a disgusting pig." I snapped. God, I hated him _so_ much.

His shoulders slumped and he stepped out on the step towards me. His stupid grin faded and he looked at me with seriousness, "Hales, I was just kidding. I'm sorry... what's going on with you and Nathan?"

"Oh! Like I'd tell you!" I chuckled. "I know you must have said or did something to him... and I swear to God when I find out what it was..." Before I could finish, his hand clenched my arm tightly. I stared at it, memories of one dreadful night underneath his grasp came crashing back. His touch was as forceful as it was that night when his hands roamed my body. "Get your dirty hands off of me!" I ripped my arm from him and walked down the driveway. Glancing back at him, I noticed that he looked somewhat defeated, as if he really did regret everything he had ever said or done.

"Haley!" He called after me, but I kept walking away, "I didn't even see Nathan yet! I swear!" And then I heard his house door close in the distance as I strode away.

* * *

When I got home I sat on my front steps. My parents were inside, and I noticed my father peak out every now and then to make sure I was okay. I actually thought it was insane, but I smiled in at him let him know I was. It was as though suddenly, they'd become the parents they should have been all along. Checking in on school, talking to us about friends and work... it was crazy, but I really liked it. I saw Nathan at the end of my drive. The sun was really bright but I was still chilly out and I could see his breath as he walked. I smiled. He looked great, as usual. His dark hair was tousled as if he just got out of bed, and his hands were shoved in his pockets. I began to stand, thinking that he had come to see me, work this out. But he didn't even see me standing there. He turned and went over near the garage where David and Lucas were tinkering with David's motorbike. They nodded at him and greeted him, but I couldn't hear what they were saying because David's music was too loud. But then, Nathan and Lucas walked away from David to talk, at the back of the garage. Nosey? Yes! I walked around the house to the back, sitting on the corner of the house near the wall where they couldn't see me.

"You really pissed Haley off didn't you?" I heard Lucas laughed. My dad's van was park next to me, and I could see their reflections in the side of it. I could have swore at one point Nathan made eye contact with me in the reflection, but he went on talking to Lucas.

"Yeah... but we all know whose fault it really is." Nathan snapped.

"Nate! God! Please don't tell me you broke up with Haley because of some lame things I said when I was drunk!" I heard Lucas moan. I caught my breath in my throat. Lucas had made me accuse Chris of being the reason Nathan had been such a jerk. But it was just a way to cover himself up.

"Haley and I are not broken up." Nathan said quickly, which made me smile. "Not yet anyways." My smile faded. I felt like jumping up and attacking Lucas for ruining everything, but what could he have said to have such an impact.

"Nathan!" Lucas practically yelled, "Please don't throw all of this away because of some lame-ass thing I let slip."

"Lame-ass thing?" Nathan choked, "Lucas! You're my best friend and you're in love with my girlfriend. Who happens to be YOUR BEST FRIEND!" I gasped. Bevin had been right all along. I heard footsteps next to me and looked up to see Chase. He gave me a confused look but I lifted my finger to my mouth to keep him quiet. He nodded and sat next to me on the ground.

"What do you want me to say? That I didn't mean any of it? God! What are you worried about? There's not one guy around that will stand a chance with her while you're around. You've had her called since you first came here!" Lucas yelled back. "And you're being a prick to her just because I said that? It makes no sense! There had to be other reasons!"

I watched as Nathan's reflection shifted nervously. "What?" Lucas said quieter.

"I think I'm leaving again." Nathan said simply. My heart pounded. He was leaving again. As in, leaving me here, going out there, gone.

"Wow..." Lucas breathed. Chase was at my side, staring at me with confusion and pity. "When?"

"Just before Christmas." Nathan whispered.

"WHY?"

"My mom's... sick. And Jeff needs more workers so." Nathan explained.

"Shit... Haley's going to be a mess." At first I agreed with Lucas. I would be a mess. But in a way I thought this was pathetic. I didn't want Nathan to leave but it was sad that everyone automatically assumed I'd fall apart when he left. As if I couldn't stand on my own two feet.

"I hope not." Nathan lifted his hands to his face and sighed.

"Haley didn't even mention it." Lucas added.

"She doesn't know." Nathan simply stated. Sorry Nathan, yes I do! I looked over at Chase with my lip quivering. He just bit his lip and stared at me, then I fell into his chest and tried my best to keep my sobbing as low as possible. In the reflection I saw Nathan walk away, and I saw Lucas just standing there for a second. I could have swore I saw him smile. Jerk. Chase rubbed my back as I cried. But it didn't last long, because I didn't cry for long. I took a deep breath and thought about it. What was I crying about? I 've done this before! And as much as I loved Nathan, I didn't need him to dictate who I was. I could live without him couldn't I? Wether I could or I couldn't didn't matter, because no matter what Nathan was leaving so I'd have to learn to live without him again.

Chase smiled at me and rubbed my back again, "You're going to be fine Hales." I nodded at him and looked away, terrified.

_You say its nothing personal  
As you break out and you lay out youre whole arsenal  
I fell hard for you  
I count scars from you  
You play with my life  
And I pay with my life _

Everything keeps telling me to run away  
Now you own me  
Everything keeps telling me to run run run  
I never listen  
Now you own me, now you own me

I hate it how I let it control me from so far away  
I cant wait for the day  
You wont be able to say  
That you made me pay  
With these words that you use  
And the things that you say  
You whisper in my ear  
You bring me to tears

Everything keeps telling me to run away  
Now you own me  
Everything keeps telling me to run run run  
I never listen  
Now you own me

Goodbye forever

* * *

There ya go! What did you think? Please Please Please Please Review?? PLEEASE! lol.. anyways... I'll let you go review now... :) lol...

Michelley P.


	22. Reality Check

Hey! I'm in a rush.. kinda.. but here's another chapter... at the end I want ALL OF YOUR OPINIONS on the Haley/Chase relationship.. pretty please, I have a plan for them but i want to see what you guys think first... thanks!

Michelley P.

Chapter 22: Reality Check.

I paced around, my breath caught in my throat. I could barely breathe at all as I waited at the empty café for Nathan to show up. We were going to "talk". In his words of course. He was so oblivious, thinking I had no idea what we would "talk" about. My palms were sweating as I patiently- or impatiently- awaited the moment where Nathan and I would say goodbye- again. Though I knew this time would be different. We were together now, more open. Last time it was quick, and this time I knew it'd be different. But the truth was, Lucas was right. No one ever did have a chance with me while Nathan was around. No one. I had limited myself to believe that Nathan was all I had in life. He was the only thing that held me up, and when I thought about it, it was pathetic.

"Remind me why I'm here again?" A voice spoke from behind me. I turned around to see Chase leaning over the counter smiling slightly. He crooked one eyebrow at me and screwed up his nose.

"If I'm alone I'll go crazy. I can't handle being alone. And since you're working here now, you can hide out in the kitchen until this is over, and then all while I go through this I'll know I have someone there with me." I spoke logically.

He nodded slowly, as if he was trying to process this, then he rolled his eyes.

"What?" I retorted. I placed one hand on my hip and threw my order book at him, while both of us laughed.

"I don't understand." He shook his head and chuckled quietly.

"Do I really need to spell it out. You can stay in the kitchen... take over any orders... if any because this place has been dead lately... and-"

"I'm not stupid Haley." he interrupted me, "I understand what you're saying, but why do you need someone here?"

"Yes." I said simply.

"No... you don't." he wiped his cloth along the counter and flicked the coffee pot back on to keep it warm. "Haley..." He started while still wiping at the counter, "You're more independent than you think." I just looked at him, not really seeing a point in his little spill, so he continued to explain, maybe I was the stupid one. "I know you love Nathan. But you need to realize that you don't need him."

"Yes I do!" I interrupted him.

"I know you need him, but do you actually _need _him?" He stopped wiping and looked at me closely, "I mean, you need to be able to live without him permanently attached to you in some way... you lean on him way too much."

"No I don't!" I said in shock.

He laughed and tossed his dirty cloth at me. "Yes you do. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be like Lucas. I'm not going to stand here and not call you on your shit. No matter what he feels for you, a real friend would have made you open your eyes long ago. You're way too dependent on Nathan and your relationship with him."

"I really don't think I am." I shifted uncomfortably, but said it quietly.

"Yes you are. I'm sorry Hales, but it's true." He gave me a sympathetic smile and for once I didn't feel like someone was out to get to me. He was just being honest and trying to help. "You just... you need to realize that you'll be fine without him. Maybe the fact that he keeps leaving is a sign that you need to learn to stand on your own two feet. Just... stop leaning on him."

"Okay... fine." I started to agree, "But how do I do that? Nathan has always been there, how do I go on with him just... _not_ there?"

"You'll go on... and I'll help you." Chase smiled. With that the café door swung open and Nathan shifted inside quietly. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets as usual and he was staring down at his feet. I looked back at Chase, to realize that he had disappeared inside the kitchen.

"Hey..." I smiled at Nathan. I took a second to take in his appearance. His messy, dark hair, his huge blue eyes, everything about him. Finally, I hugged him, still lingering a little. I felt like this was the end. Unfortunately. I've never really been the optimistic type, but now I felt pathetic. I was acting like this was the end of the world, which opened my eyes. Chase was right, I did need to learn to stand on my feet.

"I guess you've forgiven me." Nathan chuckled at the force in my hug. I felt him playing with my hair, and he kissed my forehead sweetly as he pulled back. I had forgotten how amazing he was through everything.

"Not really..." I smiled, "I'm just going to miss you." I looked at him again, at his surprise expression. At the red and black zip up sweater he wore, I took in his appearance, right down to his Nike shoes, right up to his gorgeous face.

"Haley..." He tried to understand.

"I heard you and Lucas talking." I said simply. I saw him bite his lip.

"What else did you hear?" He struggled.

"It doesn't matter." We just stared at each other for a second, and I couldn't help but pull him in for a hug again. He hugged me back just as forcefully this time, and I heard him groan with sadness into my neck.

"I love you Hales. I haven't told you that in a long time, have I?" He whispered. I leaned back and looked at him, not allowing him to let me go just yet.

"No..." I shook my head and smiled sadly. "I love you too." Leaning in, I kissed his cheek and tried my best to smell his cologne. It was as if I were taking in every single part of him, just in case he was leaving soon and we didn't get a chance for this in a long time. "When will you leave?"

"I'm not sure... next week probably." He whispered. "I'm really sorry for what's been going on lately. I know I've really been an ass."

"Yeah... you have." I grinned back, "But it's okay." He rested his forehead on mine, and I remembered who he was. Lately I've been so mad at him, treating him like the bad guy. But he really wasn't. He was still sweet and perfect, like he'd always been.

"You can come with me... you know." He tried, but I knew that he knew I wouldn't. I just shook my head and smiled at him. "Didn't think so." He smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. Then I leaned in again and kissed him on the lips. This time longer and sweeter. I could feel his hand on my lower back, his fingers drawing circles across my tattoo.

"I have to go. . ." He whispered into my lips. I moaned sadly.

"Now?" I complained, crossing my arms. He just nodded and kissed my cheek. Then, without any more notice he disappeared outside.

"He's gone?" I heard Chase's voice from the kitchen. He threw down his dishcloth and walked over me. I heard the door behind me swing open again, and turned around hopefully. But no, just a customer. I heard Chase let out a deep breath and he walked over to me, wrapped his arms around me and pulling me into a hug.

"But everything's fine though.. You see... it's fine!" He smiled. He leaned back, his hands still gripping my shoulders and smiled. I nodded and smiled back, surprised that I wasn't crying. It felt good being with Chase. It was like, he saw a strength in me that no one else did. A courage. It made me felt amazing, and whenever he looked at me, I saw that strength and courage in myself.

* * *

KK.. review please...

Michelley P.


	23. Day One

Hello Everyone! Here is another chapter! chapter twenty two!... i think. lol.. so I made this one special for all the Naleyers like myself... here you go, I hope you like it:)

Disclaimer: I Don't Own One Tree Hill or know any of the characters... simple as that:)

* * *

Chapter Twenty Two: Day One

I hugged myself tight as I watched him walk towards me. I was leaning against his black car in the school parking lot. He had a huge grin on his face. And his whole body seemed to ignite as he got closer. I bit my lip and just shook my head at how amazing everything seemed in that moment. Nathan was leaving in seven days and here I was, smiling and laughing with him as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my forehead.

"So guess what I was thinking about in history." He said in an up-beat voice as he took my hand and opened the passenger side door for me. I smiled at him, and then raised one eyebrow.

"You went to history?" I laughed. He got inside and started then engine, then grinned over at me.

"No... I meant, guess what I was thinking about _during_ history- not _in _it." He laughed as we pulled onto the main highway and sped along.

"I don't know... what?"

"That we never really did the dating thing." He was very serious about this, looking over and furrowing his brow in hard concentration. He reached over and held my hand, kissing it and then letting it rest on his leg as I shifted over to the middle next to him.

"No, I guess we didn't." I agreed, "but we didn't really need to."

"But still... we should have. I guess we kind of jumped ahead to the relationship part without the silly weird things that we were supposed to do first." He explained.

"What's gotten into you?" I smiled. It was strange, but I liked what he was getting at.

"I'm leaving in six days-"

"SEVEN days." I corrected him quickly. No need to make the time any shorter than it was already.

"Sorry..." he laughed and kissed my hand again, then leaned over and kissed my cheek, "_seven_ days. I just thought we should make the most of it. We should start over, do the things that all other couples did." He added.

"Hmm..." I pretended to think about this. "Such as?" We pulled next to the dock-side restaurant where couples were a scattered couple was sitting down romantically, holding hands and whispering.

"Such as, a first date." he grinned. He got out but stopped me from getting out. Trying to be a gentleman, he ran around the car and opened the door for me. I laughed out loud, but realized that he really was trying to make this perfect- our last few days.

"Aw... Nathan, you're amazing!" I smiled. I leaned up and kissed him tenderly. We just stood there for a second, holding onto each other tight until Nathan pulled away and shook his head. "What?"

"Not on the first date Haley!" he tried to be serious until a grin broke out on his face, "You're moving _way_ too fast." he smiled again. I hit him on the arm playfully and let him lead me to our table. It was located right on the very end of the dock, next to the water. I just shook my head at him, in amazement to how perfect he was, and hugged his arm. He intertwined his fingers through mine and I felt his hands shaking.

"Nathan, you're shaking." I looked up at him. He sat down on the bench and I sat across from him, still wondering why his hands were shaking. He blushed and put his head down. "What's wrong."

"You just make me..." he coughed and looked away, mumbling so I couldn't hear what he was going to say. I stared at him, demanding an answer with my eyes. So he sighed and gave up, "You make me nervous."

I couldn't help but laugh a little, at how perfect he was, how perfect this whole situation was, "Nathan... it's not like this is actually our first time together. Why are you nervous?" I reached out and held his hand again and I noticed him stare down at it and swallow hard.

"I don't know. You've always made me this nervous!" He sighed. Finally, he squeezed my hand tighter and looked me in the eye. His eyes were brighter than I've ever seen them. They were literally shining, so bright that I couldn't break my stare.

"Why? I've never even noticed before now." I smiled at him, but didn't laugh, I could tell he was very serious about this.

"No. I've always tried to hide it. But now that I'm leaving, I guess it's just worst than ever." He blushed again and I could feel his hands tremble.

"Nathan!" I tried to be convincing, "After all this time, how can you still be nervous. I mean, it's just me."

His eyes went bright again, and flicked over the parts of my body that were showing, landing deeply on my face, my eyes, "It's never _just_ you." He simply stated. "It's _you._ Everything about you just..." he squeezed my hand again and I couldn't help but wonder how I had missed this for so long, how I didn't notice this before, "... does something to me."

I bit my lip, searching for the words to say to him. Something to express to him what _he_ does to me. But there was nothing, all I could do was stare at him, at those eyes, his mouth, his jaw line, his arms, his hands, everything, and shake my head in disbelief that I had found someone so perfect.

* * *

We decided to walk home, he'd get his car after. We were walking down my road, holding hands like nervous kids on a real first date. Every now and then he'd pull me into his shoulder and hug me tight, then let me go and kiss my hand the way he had a tendency to. He told me of how he worried about his mom and how sick she was. How he worried about his brother being on his own. He worried about David not being able to straighten up and get his life together. And Luke not being able to move on. He worried that someday Michael would let his anger get the best of him. And he worried that Chris would never take girls, and love seriously and more and more about all of his friends. It was like getting to know someone all over again. There were things I had forgotten about him. Like how much he loved basketball, but could never make time for it anymore. Or how funny he was.

We turned into my driveway and I stopped at the end of it, not wanting to go to my door just yet. There were trees around us and I never realized how gorgeous Tree Hill was.

I held both of his hands and faced him, "What about me?" I asked simply.

"What about you?" He smiled down, stepping in and closing the space between us more.

"Do you worry about me?" The smile on his face faded and I was afraid that I had hit a nerve.

"Yes..." he whispered. I was expecting him to say no, that I'd be fine in the confident way that he used to. But tonight I realized that he wasn't as confident as I had always thought he'd been. All along he'd been building this wall, afraid to let anyone see his imperfections. But tonight he showed them all to me. It was just getting dark out and I noticed his lip tremble a little. "I worry that when I leave..." He stumbled across his words as if they were road blocks, "I worry that when I leave you'll go on with your life and... I won't be a part of it anymore. Is it wrong to worry that you'll go on without me?" He asked with a soft voice.

"No..." I whispered. I was still staring at him, wondering if he had been this sweet and amazing before and I just overlooked it. "It's not wrong. It's so right." I was lost for words but he seemed like he needed more. "You're just so... I mean, I..." I sighed, searching for the words to describe how much I loved him. "God! You..."

"Can I kiss you?" He cut me off. I stared at him, wondering why he'd ask permission to kiss me. Then he grinned his familiar cocky grin, "I mean, I'm not sure what your rules for first dates are." He laughed.

"Oh... You can definitely kiss me." I smiled. And so he did. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around my waist tightly, crashing his mouth into mine, making me lose my breath for the millionth time that night.

"You're it... you know." he said as he broke away from me." I stared at him, all night he had been able to find the right things to say, yet he seemed to struggle with this. "That's all I can say, it's the only way to explain _this_ anymore. For me, you're just... it. Like...You're everything. You're it."

"Strangely enough..." I laughed a little, and then kissed him lightly, "That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. You know..." I said as we walked up to my door, "You're it for me too."

We got to my door and he leaned down and kissed me again, whispering 'I love you' into my lips.

"I love you too." I smiled. He kissed me once more and walked down the drive, turning back once to smile at me, and disappearing.

I got to my room and shut my door, falling against it with my eyes closed, smiling. That had been by far, the most amazing date I'd ever been on. Nathan was worried that I'd go on without him and I only now remembered that I hadn't told him I wouldn't, that he wouldn't just be kicked out of my life. I opened my eyes to this realization and looked around. My dark room had been completely covered in small purple flowers. The ones I used to love when we'd go to the beach. The flowers were every where, and there was a little note on my computer screen, typed into the program I always wrote into. _This is just day one. . . I love you._ Was all it said.

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket and I took it out and stared at the screen. Nathan.

"Hey." I smiled into the phone, hoping he could feel my smile. "Nathan this is.. Wow." I breathed.

"I'm glad you like it." I heard him chuckle. "Goodnight Haley."

"Nathan!" I stopped him from hanging up.

"Uh huh?"

"I'm not going to go on without you. I'm not going to just forget about you. Remember that, okay?" I whispered.

I heard him let out a breath of relief, "Goodnight." He whispered.

"Goodnight." I whispered back. We both lingered for a little while, and finally hung up. I picked one of the flowers from a bouquet and stared at it. Perfect.

_Look in my eyes, what do you see?  
Not just the color  
Look inside of me  
Tell me all you need and I will try  
I will try _

I'm going to love you more than anyone  
I'm going to hold you closer than before  
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free  
I'll be free for you anytime  
I'm going to love you more than anyone

* * *

There you go... please tell me what you think... :)

Michelley P.


	24. Day Two

Really Short! But IM BACK... this chapter is VERY short, but it's just my way of getting back in here.. lol, review! please:) 

Chapter Twenty Three: Day Two

"So." Nathan smiled. He fell into step with me in the hall at school. He reached out and grabbed my hand. "A romantic night. Tonight. You and you're _amazing_ boyfriend." He grinned.

"_My_ amazing boyfriend?" I gasped sarcastically. "What? Where is he?" I looked around and pretended to be searching for someone else.

"Oh boy, classic Haley James, _so_ sarcastic..." He smiled. "I have to get to class." He leaned down and kissed me quickly.

"There's still five minutes before it starts..." I whined.

"Yeah but I need to talk to the principal about my credits. And I've got class with her now. So..." He kissed my forehead and watched as he disappeared down the hall. The fact that he was leaving was becoming more and more real, and I missed him already.

"Heard he's leaving." A high pitched voice said behind me. I turned and stared at Brooke. She was different, not the old innocent Brooke I once knew. She was wearing a short leather skirt and a pink shirt. Her hair was done neatly and she was wearing too much eye makeup for a high school student.

"Do I know you?" I knew I was being mean, but I just didn't have time for her anymore. I saw her shoulders slump and realized that she was still that good old Brooke, except she looked way different.

"Haley, are you going to stay mad at me forever?" She sighed. I turned around to my locker and started turning the lock.

"I've actually been debating that." I said, trying to seem nice, though I wasn't.

"Really?" Brooke seemed hopeful.

"Yeah, either forever, or at least until the end of the school year when I get to move away and never see you again."I turned around and gave her a cold look.

"Haley..." Brooke pouted. "It's been weeks, I've said I'm sorry, what else do you want?"

"What else do I want?" I gasped, "I want to be able to trust you Brooke. I want to be able to leave you alone in a room with my boyfriend and not have to worry about you jumping him. I want to walk down the hall and _not_ see you acting like best friends with _Peyton._

"Peyton really isn't that bad! Why do you have to hold on to old grudges so long?" Brooke began to fight back.

"You're kidding right?" I chuckled in anger. "Brooke, come on! Peyton made the last year of my life _hell._ How do I get over that? And YOU! You tried to steal my boyfriend."

"You guys were broke up!" She tried to defend herself.

"Oh. Right. Of course, that makes it so much better. I had forgotten we were broke up. Now it's okay that my BEST. FRIEND. Tried to take him from me!"

"I didn't try to take him from you. It was one moment. And it's been over for so long. But you can't expect me to keep begging you forever. This is the last time I'm apologizing Haley, then you have to figure it out. Okay?" She exhaled sharply, "I'm sorry for what I did..." Peyton joined her and gave me a sad look.

"Me too..." She said quietly. She seemed different too, more tame.

"We didn't mean to hurt you." By this time I was biting my lip to stop it from quivering and searching for an escape in the hall. Nathan or Bevin, anyone, that could save me. I knew both Brooke and Peyton were right, I had to let up, and just forgive for once.

"I have to get to class." I whispered. I nodded at them and then walked away quickly, feeling my breath get shorter as I tried not to cry.

* * *

"Hey..." Chase smiled. I sat into the seat next to him on our break at work and groaned.

"My feet are aching." I whined

"I know. I have never been so happy to see the inside of this break room. It's madness out there today." He leaned back and popped a pretzel into his mouth.

"Uh huh." Closing my eyes I tried to relax as much as possible for the next fifteen minutes.

"Heard about you and Brooke in the hall today." Chase mentioned.

So much for relaxing, I thought. "Who told you?"

"Brooke." I sat up straight and raised my eyebrows at him.

"Since when are you and Brooke talking? After the way she's treated you..." I tried to understand.

"We've been talking for awhile now. That stuff before, that feels like so long ago. And both her and Peyton really are trying to turn over a new leaf, Hales."

"Way to turn your back on me, Chase..." I kicked him gently.

"Hey... come on you know I'm not going to do that. But have you ever thought that maybe Brooke's right. Maybe you do need to just get over it."

"I know. It's just hard." I whispered.

He smiled at me, "I'll help you." I just nodded and smiled back, wondering what I'd do without a friend like him.

* * *

"Aww..." I laughed, "how romantic, you took me to the playground." Nathan laughed and held my hand tightly as we walked through the front gates.

"After tonight we only have five days together. That's five days of being a kid for me. I just wanted to have some fun." He smiled and kissed me hand and I just shook my head. "Besides. No one has come to this playground in months, and no kids are going to be out after 11 at night anyways. This place is all ours." He raised his eyebrows and me and grinned.

"Why do I get the feeling that your idea of fun isn't the merry-go-round!" He pulled me forward and winked at me.

"Actually..." He started. He lifted me up and I sat on the center of the bars on the merry-go-round, with his hands pulling off my jacket, "It _is_ the merry-go-round."

"Ohh..." I gasped. His hands were cold on my bare skin. "This is terrible." But I didn't back down. Not a chance.

* * *

There ya go. Sorry so short, but thatw as it... hope you liked, review please... the next one will be longer I promise:)

Michelley P.


	25. Day Five

Hey. So this chapter is short... and kind of... blah... sorry lol...

* * *

Chapter Twenty Four: Day Five

I sighed and slammed the door behind me. Another interesting day at Tree Hill high. Filled with old friends and old flames. The smell of supper cooking, filled my nose, and my stomach tossed once again. It seemed to do that a lot lately. Running up the stairs and into the hall, I stepped over boxes and bags that seemed so out of place, but at that moment, irrelevant.

After, I sat against the bathroom wall, with the door closed. There was a lot of hustle and bustle outside, but there was much more inside, of me. My stomach was heavy and rumbling, and my head was spinning. I tried to tell myself that it was just the flu, or another virus, but something inside of me, maybe something a little too real, reminded me of the first day that Nathan got home...

"Haley are you okay?" Michael's voice said from behind the door.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a second." I choked out, terrified. I got up and went outside, finally taking note of the boxes and bags scattered around. "What's all this?"

"Hey..." David smiled, as he tossed his laptop, covered in bubble wrap, into one of the boxes.

"What's going on?" I asked again, wanted an answer badly. I hadn't realized until David stared at my hand, but it was on my stomach, as if cradling something within me. I almost shook when I took my hand off of it, praying that there was _nothing_ there.

"I got accept for the military. I'm leaving." He said simply, as he looked at my stomach again.

"WHAT?" I gasped, "WHEN? DAVID! YOU CAN'T LEAVE! SCHOOL'S NOT EVEN FINISHED!"

He chuckled a little, "I don't need to graduate, and they really need people, now. So..."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, He had always spoke of leaving, but I hadn't realized that it'd be so soon. "When?"

"In a few hours." I was shocked, a few hours? Did the military really need people that badly?

"Got time to bring me somewhere?" I asked, with something more significant on my mind, I wanted to embrace my last few hours with my brother, but there was something clouding my mind, and I could barely breathe thinking about it.

"I'm leaving in a couple hours and you're asking me to be your chauffeur?" He grinned. I didn't smile or laughed, but gave him a serious nod, and just after taking another look at the hand that had somehow wound up on my stomach again, he grabbed the car keys and guided me outside.

* * *

My hands shook as I picked up the box. There were so many people around the drug store, and so many mouths that could do so much talking, even if it did come back negative. I walked up to the cash, with it tucked slightly into my sleeve. I could see the manager watching me. Idiot, if I were going to steal something, I wouldn't bring it to a cash, and it wouldn't be a pregnancy test. _Hello._ I looked at the cashier, and couldn't help but groan.

"When did you start working here?" I whined. She gave me a weird look, as if defending her right to work in the store.

"My parents said I had to start supporting my spending habits," Brooke laughed, " So I started last week." I stood there and looked around, as other people crowded behind me waiting impatiently for me to make my purchase. "Are you going to pay for that?" Brooke pointed at what I was holding in my hand, hiding from everyone. I could see David approaching, and prayed he'd think of something.

"Come on Hales, she really needs it, she's worried." He pretended to whisper, but said loud enough to clear up that no. I. Haley James, was _not_ in need of a pregnancy test, because I. Was responsible, and knew how to keep myself out of harms way. I scoffed, yeah right.

With my hands shaking, I tried to seem more confident, and proud, like I was doing a friend a favor, I was noble. Brooke stared at the test, and an elderly woman behind me made a weird sound as she shook her head. "Tell your friend to be more careful..." She said to me, and I nodded, "teenagers." she puffed again.

"Eight twenty seven." Brooke said, still staring me right in the eye, as if she saw through it all because of the sweat on my brow, yeah. Brooke knew, it was me.

* * *

"How much longer?" David complained. The house was empty and we were sitting against the wall outside the bathroom, too afraid to go in.

"Times up." I whispered. He got ready to stand, but when he noticed I didn't he sat back down.

"Gonna go in?" He questioned.

"I'm scared." I whispered. He put his arm around me and hugged me.

"I know, but..." I was thinking he was going to say something encouraging, "I don't have all night." I laughed a little at how insensitive he was. "Listen to me," he said, directing me to face him with his hands on my shoulders. "This is scary, I know. But whether you look at that pregnancy test or not, it could still be real. But, I have to go...so..."

"It's fine, just go..." I nodded towards the hall.

"Haley, I can wait." He was already getting up, and I could tell he was afraid for me.

"No... I kind of want to be alone." I whispered.

"I'll call you. All the time. Okay?" He smiled as I stood up and hugged him.

"Please be careful." I simply ordered him.

"I will..." He kissed my forehead and gave my another quick hug, and then walked away. I watched him go, still staring at the place he was standing until I heard the front door slam and his car speed away. He was gone, and I was here alone, or possibly, not alone, I thought as I ran a hand over my stomach. Laughing to myself, I could only think of one thing... how weird was it, that if someone suspected they were pregnant, the first thing they did, and the thing they continue to do, even before they know, is rub their stomach. Anyways, it was funny how _that_ was what I thought about. Not, how my parents would react, or NATHAN. But how weird it was that I kept touching my stomach.

I stared at the bathroom door, and held my breath for a second. This was it, I thought, as I walked into the enclosed room. Whether a piece of plastic showed one line or two, determined who I'd be and what I'd do, for the rest of my life.

I held it in my hand, and kind of stared past it for a while, not able to focus at all. And then, finally, my vision focused in on the little piece of plastic.

"Ohh..." I breathed.

* * *

Okay so... probably bad, but review anyways, AND, this story has about... two chapters left... so review LOTS okay??

Michelley P.


	26. Ready Or Not

Chapter Twenty Five: Ready Or Not

Inside my parents car, it was quiet. My dad was inside a convenience store, and my mother and I sat quietly in the car. It was hot, especially for this time in January. I rolled down my window to let out the unbearable heat inside that was making me sick. I heard my mother sigh, and her breath was shaky, so I could tell she was holding back the tears.

"Mom, talk to me... please." I whispered. I leaned forward in the seat to look at her, but her face was directed out her side window as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"What is taking your father so long in there?" She simply whispered to herself.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed. I laid my head in my hands, and wished that I could go back. To the time when I was six and I fell down, skinning out my knee. My parents came running and helped me. I was their little girl then, and now, their little girl was having one of her own.

"Don't be." She finally whispered to me. She turned towards me and I saw that her face was smeared with make up from crying. "This isn't your fault." Her chin quivered, and I felt my stomach sink. Did they blame this all on Nathan? Did they really think that I was still a little girl, and had no part in the action?

"Mom, don't blame Nathan, this is just as much my fault as-"

"No." She whimpered again, "It's my fault. I haven't been there for the past.. God only knows how long." She turned her head and I heard her sob harder. I just shook my head, but couldn't speak. For years I had been blaming them for not being around, and thinking they didn't care. But my mother could see that herself. She knew, and I felt like... Actually, I wasn't feeling anything but sick.

"So..." I whispered, as my father got into the car.

"The line up in there is crazy." He explained, the started out on the road again, to go back home.

"August." I said to myself, trying to make this more real, more open. My father nodded and my mother sighed again. I ruined them, they weren't as terrible as I had made them out to be, and just when things were getting back together, I ruined them, I ruined everything.

* * *

"What are you doing?" A familiar voice whispered. I looked over at Lucas, as he sat next to me behind the counter. This was familiar, just like the first time Nathan broke my heart, Lucas was right here sitting behind this counter with me. Here I was again, except so much had changed. Lucas wasn't my best friend, he was just a guy who claimed to love me, and I guy I didn't love. He was merely an old acquaintance, and it really hurt to have to admit that. But he wasn't the only thing that had changed. I wasn't the same shy, dependant girl I used to me. Now, I was bolder, and able to stand on my own two feet. I felt like laughing and crying all at the same time, it's just crazy how much can change over a year.

"Sitting." I simply answered. I looked down at my hands in my lap. Since last night, I'd been afraid to look anyone in the eye, afraid that they might see through me, and see my secret.

"I can see that, but the café is closed, my mom's on holidays. What are you doing here?" Lucas asked me again, eagerly. Before, it would have been normal for me to hang out here, even if it was closed. It was my home away from home... with much better food. But now, I hadn't realized it would be so strange to see me here again, had it been _that_ long?

"I'm just..." Oh so man words I could use right now. _Confused, terrified, numb- pregnant. _But instead, I stuck with... "Sitting. What about you, why are you here?"

"I was just passing along, I was on my way to meet Brooke and I noticed the lights and I came in..." he began to tell me.

"You and Brooke huh?" I asked, trying to take my mind off of my own issues.

"Yeah, we're giving it a shot, and it's actually going really well..." He continued with his story, but I couldn't help but daze off and think about my own problems, my own life. I was seventeen years old, my boyfriend was moving away, and I was going to be a mother. Lucas must have noticed the worried expression on my face, "What's going on Hales?" he asked and he used that name. I loved it, it was as if we were best friends again. I just looked at him, wondering if he was being polite, like someone would who you randomly see once or twice a year, or if he was generally concerned, like my best friend would be.

"Well, my life is... over." I whispered.

"Oh come on..." He chuckled, nudging me playfully, "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad." Then I stared at him, with all seriousness, and he knew.

"Oh..." I breathed, feeling my chin start to quiver a little, "It is."

* * *

I needed someone. Nathan was gone out for awhile, getting ready to leave the next day. My parents were, well, currently not speaking to me. Or looking at me, because apparently, after I told them the news, they said they'd never look at me the same. But all I could think of was, pretty soon no one would look at me the same, because I'd have a huge belly sticking out, and guilt written all across my face, along with regret and loneliness. But tomorrow Nathan would be gone, and at this second he had no idea that he was going to be a father, and I had no intentions of running to tell him right away either. Was that a terrible thing, because I mean, he was leaving to start a life all his own, who would I be to crush all of that for him, by tying him down back here in Tree Hill? But, I guess, what kind of person would I be not to?

All in all, I was stuck. I could probably turn to Bevin or Faith, but that still just wasn't what I was hoping or looking for. What _was_ I looking for. Someone who could tell me the truth. They wouldn't lie to me and say it'd be fine and everything would work out. _But_ instead, they'd say that even when it did get shitty, they'd be there, whether Nathan was or not.

So I walked up his front stairs, knowing that his parents were gone for the week. I laughed to myself at how ironic it was, that I'd never been here before, especially after how close him and I had gotten. When he answered the door, I immediately felt better. As if just seeing him, a _friend_ like him, things would be better. Right away.

"Hey..." he smiled when he opened the door, then he saw the tears in my eyes. "Haley?" He said again, then pulled me in and hugged me as I wrapped my arms around him.

"Chase... I ..." But I couldn't speak. I didn't want to. For some reason, as the thoughts of having this huge commitment ahead of me, knowing that no matter what happened, _my future was already planned out for me._ I wanted to kiss him. Maybe I was just upset, or maybe I was, tired and confused, or too alone. But I plunged up and kissed him, hard on the mouth, and he didn't pull away.

* * *

Short, I Know. im Sorry... but, the LAST chapter is comin soon! wondering how ill work all this out in one chapter? you'll be suprised I guess... or maybe not... we shall see...

Review Anyways Okay? )

Michelley P.


	27. Growing Up

Hey Guys! Yes, here I am with the last and final chapter. Can you believe it? because i can't. This story has been one of the most personal stories I have ever written and I thank you all for reading this story. It was certainly an underdog in my eyes, but you've helped it come through. So, without any more speeches, as if I've just won an emmy or something, read away!

Disclaimer: I Do Not Own One Tree Hill, And Am No Way Affiliated With Its Management Or Characters

* * *

Chapter Twenty Eight: Growing Up.

Waking up in a strange house was really unfamiliar for me. This had never happened before, and I wondered what Nathan would say if he could see me now. I shook my head in disgust, what kind of person sleeps- wait... did I? I looked around, and noticed I was laying on the couch in Chase's living room, completely clothed. I sighed, and remembered the night before, how Chase had smiled after I kissed him and then kissed my cheek. He let me talk about everything that was going on, the pregnancy and anything else I could think of, and then covered me up as I dozed off on his couch.

Chase really was the perfect guy. He was the kind of guy who would make you think twice about your current relationship, because Chase Adams was the guy who created chivalry. Leaning back against the couch I sighed, as I listened to the sound of dishes in the kitchen.

"You awake?" Chase called from the kitchen.

"Huh?" I looked back as he grinned at me from the doorway, "Yeah." I smiled back.

"You want eggs?" He asked, glancing back in at whatever he was cooking.

"Oh Chase..." I groaned as I bolted up from the couch, as I ran to the bathroom I yelled, "Don't say eggs."

Leaning against the wall in the bathroom, I realized what I was in for. Months more of this, and then, Worst.

"You okay?" Chase smiled, he leaned his head against the doorway and just looked at me. I nodded, but didn't speak, just looked at him. He was gorgeous, and perfect, and as I had said, the kind of guy girls waited years for, the kind of guy that you dreamt of marrying when you were little. But, all those girls who dreamt of Chase, didn't know Nathan Scott. They didn't get to laugh at his stupid jokes, or stare at his smirk. They certainly didn't get to kiss him, or fall in love with him. No. They didn't get to have his child, and have a chance to spend the rest of their lives with him. Because, he too, was perfect.

"What are you thinking about?" Chase whispered. I glanced behind him as his mother came through the hallway, with her business suit on. Would I get to be that kind of person? Have the education, business, and then family? Probably not.

"Nathan." I whispered back. "What time is it? His flight is leaving today, I have to see him before he goes." I noticed Chase's smile. His shoulders didn't slump and he wasn't disappointed because I had made Nathan a priority, and that was what I liked about Chase. He knew I loved Nathan, and he knew that he was what mattered most to me.

"Umm... What time is his flight?" Chase looked around for a clock, or something else to let him know what time it was.

"Umm.. Oh man I was supposed to go see him last night." I sighed, getting stressed, "11:30, I think."

"Let's go." Chase said in a hurry, grabbing my jacket from the hall outside.

"What? What time is it?" I asked with panic. He slipped my jacket over my shoulders as I followed him outside.

"Eleven." he simply stated, opening the car door for me.

"Shit!"

* * *

When I walked into the airport, it wasn't hard to spot him. He was sitting on one of the couches, with his head in his hands. I just stood there, staring at him, feeling like the biggest idiot ever. Why had I made everything so complicated? One thing was simple at this moment, Nathan was leaving in less than twenty minutes, and I had been too caught up in my own problems, which were his too, to spend the last few hours with him.

"Haley?" I heard his voice, breaking me from my trance. He stood up, but didn't walk towards me. He didn't look mad, and if I were him I would be.

"Hey." I smiled. I walked towards him and hugged him as tight as I could.

"I was so worried about you, where were you last night? I thought we were gonna hang out when I got home, but you never even slept at your house last night?" He kept talking, but kept hugging me as well. It was nice just stand there with him, and it was finally hitting me, that he was leaving, and he didn't even know I was pregnant. There was so much to say, in so little time. "Haley? Where did you stay last night?"

I looked back at Chase, standing outside the big window at the airport, waiting. Then I looked back at Nathan, and when he realized who was out there, he knew. His arms dropped off of me, and he stepped back, running his hands through his hair.

"You're kidding me!" He yelled. I jumped, surprised that I didn't even have to speak.

"Nathan." I breathed, I stepped towards him, and as I saw the emotions on his face, I felt my own emotions breaking loose. My hands shook and I felt my lip quivering. "I'm sorry." I blurted out, "But nothing happened, we kissed but..."

"You kissed?" he gasped. He spun around and kicked the air, "it was my last night, Haley! I was alone on my last night in Tree Hill because you were making out with someone else?"

"I was really confused and frustrated, and I called you and you were gone out so I..."

"So you? What? Decided to find a replacement for the time being?" I was crying hysterically, and he was yelling like a mad man. We were certainly drawing in a lot of attention, but luckily, this was only Tree Hill, there weren't _that_ many people in the airport, and we knew the people who were there.

I looked back and saw that Chase had come inside, just incase he had to rescue me, which I appreciated, but I wasn't ready to let go yet. "NO! It wasn't even like that!" Nathan started grabbing his bags from the floor, and I was thumbling around with him, trying to get him to just stop and give me a chance to say the things I needed to say. "Nathan!" I cried, "Just stop! Okay? God." But he kept gathering his things and as he'd pick one thing up, I'd grab it and put it down again.

"Just stop and listen to me!" I screamed.

"WHAT?" he yelled back. Everyone around us was quiet, and I didn't want to say it out loud, not for everyone else to hear. I glanced back at Chase, who was looking around nervously.

"That's what I thought." Nathan let out a huge breath. He didn't move, and I just stared at him for a second, I loved how blue his eyes got when he was angry.

"Nathan." I said in a calmer voice, I stepped forward again and wrapped my arms around his waist. Finally, he dropped his bags and wrapped his arms around me too. I could tell he was trying to hold back, but didn't have enough strength in him to fight this one. He stepped back, but not angrily. I watched as he wiped his eyes, and it broke my heart. Kneeling down, he threw his ipod into his carry on bag, so I knelt in front of him.

"Stop." I said again. "I love you." I whispered. He looked me right in the eye, and I could see right through him. He loved me too, but didn't want to say it. He had every reason to be angry with me. I spent his last night in town, with another guy.

"Do you tell him that too?" He spat out. I gasped, and looked away, feeling burnt.

"You know I'm not like that." I cried, folding my arms in front of me. "It was only a kiss."

"Right." He muttered. He stood up, and looked down at me.

"How can you get angry at me for this?" I shot back, feeling like this was a competition.

"Oh please..." He sighed. He looked around, at how everyone had gone back to their business, like a bunch of teenagers fighting was irrelevant. "You really gonna play that card?" He asked me. He reached down and helped me up off the floor, and as I stood, I tumbled into him. He stepped back, like he still didn't want to stand too close to me.

"Yeah, if it means I get to keep you." I whispered. "Nathan," I finally tried again. "I'm pregnant." I watched as all of the color drained from his face.

"Flight 105, Tree Hill to Charlotte, now boarding." We both listened, and what Nathan did not would change everything.

"Pregnant." he repeated. I nodded, and I watched as he glanced back at Chase. He ran his hands over his face with frustration. We were just two teenagers, standing in an airport, who should have been dealing with small problems. Like the fact that Nathan couldn't take his car with him, and we'd be separated for so long. But instead, we were growing up, just in the time we spent in that old run down airport. We'd soon be dealing with a family, either together or on my own. We were dealing with cheating and lies, not just teen drama, but things that were about to alter the rest of our futures. Time was just spinning around us.

"We are asking all passengers to make their way to the gate for flight 105, Tree Hill to Charlotte."

"It's your call now." I said to him, barely above my breath.

"Yeah." He looked around, and then dropped his bags. He stepped forward and hugged me, at first just lightly, but then tighter, until he had me completely wrapped up in him.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed into his chest.

"Don't be." He whispered into my hair. I looked back at Chase, still standing there patiently, wondering what my next move would be. Would Nathan stay with me? Or would I go home with Chase? None of us had any idea.

She's his yellow brick road  
Leading him on  
And letting him go as far  
as she lets him go  
Going down to nowhere

She puts on her make-up  
The same way she did yesterday  
Hoping everything's the same  
But everything has changed

In my mind  
Everything we did was right  
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side  
How could I ever have been so blind?  
You give me something to sleep to  
at night

He wakes up to the sound  
So scared that she's leaving  
He wishes she were still  
asleep next to him  
Hoping she will change

In my mind  
Everything we did was right  
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side  
How could I ever have been so blind?  
You give me something to sleep to  
at night

You give me something to sleep to  
And all I know is  
You give me something to dream to when I'm all alone and blue  
Don't leave me now  
Don't leave me now

Don't leave me now  
Don't leave me now  
Don't leave me now  
Don't leave me now  
Don't leave me now  
Don't leave me now

In my mind  
Everything we did was right  
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side  
How could I ever have been so blind?  
You give me something to sleep to  
Something to sleep to  
Something to sleep to at night

* * *

There ya go. Left ya hanging didn't I? So yes, as you've probably guessed, you can keep your eyes open for a sequel! I already have ti planned, it will take place during the nine months of which Haley is pregnant, starting maybe, a month or two after where it just ended. For the question asked through a review, YES, this story was based on my life. BUT, im pretty sure I did state in an opening line that I would be drifting away from my life, just because I ddin't want to use this as a weapon, to get back at people I was angry with. but still, many of the events were based upon real life. The pregnancy no. Not really, I didn't get pregnant, but things that happened because of the pregnancy did happen. Um, the best friend (Lucas) fallin in love with me, yes. And many more things...

So Anyways. This Tory Is Over... go and... read another one of mine! Check out, All I Need Is You! lol. . . ENJOY! and THANKS!

By The Way, Don't think you're getting off that easily. You better review before you go ANYWHERE! lol

Michelley P.


End file.
